July 24, 2020
One more application!
Cover letter( Some parts):
I found out about the internship opportunity at büro stadtVerkehr on Indeed.com. There, I learned about the work areas such as traffic planning and urban development projects which is my area of interest as well. Therefore, I am taking this opportunity to submit my application for an internship at büro stadtVerkehr.
In Kumamoto, Japan, I joined an ArcGIS workshop which was organized by Esri Japan. In this workshop, I learned to create thematic maps and also carried out an analysis to determine the areas that could be affected by the flood.
I am very excited about büro stadtVerkehr's work, and welcome the opportunity to speak with you further about the opportunities there and how I can contribute. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
There, I learned about the work areas such as traffic planning andmany things, including traffic planning and took part in projects related to urban development projects, which is my area of interest as well.
"work areas" feels strange to me. Also "learned" can't apply to "urban development projects" because you don't learn a project. Assumedly your interest isn't projects but urban development, so I changed the wording to reflect that.
In Kumamoto, Japan, I joined an ArcGIS workshop which was organized by Esri Japan.
"Organized" can stand on its own here.
InAt this workshop, I learned to create thematic maps and also carried out an analysies to determine the areas that could be affected by the flooding.
This might not apply, so feel free to disregard, but I'm assuming the work you were doing was general, not specific to a single flood. If this is about possible floods in general, then the plural "analyses" and general "flooding" would be better.
I am very excited about büro stadtVerkehr's work, and would welcome the opportunity to speak with you further about the opportunities there and how I can contribute.
They haven't welcomed you yet, so you're hoping they will reach out to you. Therefore "would welcome" is better than just "welcome".
Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Feedback
Great job, and good luck!!
July 27, 2020
Thanks a lot for your help!
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One more application! |
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Cover letter( Some parts): |
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I found out about the internship opportunity at büro stadtVerkehr on Indeed.com. |
|
There, I learned about the work areas such as traffic planning and urban development projects which is my area of interest as well. There, I learned "work areas" feels strange to me. Also "learned" can't apply to "urban development projects" because you don't learn a project. Assumedly your interest isn't projects but urban development, so I changed the wording to reflect that. |
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Therefore, I am taking this opportunity to submit my application for an internship at büro stadtVerkehr. |
|
In Kumamoto, Japan, I joined an ArcGIS workshop which was organized by Esri Japan. In Kumamoto, Japan, I joined an ArcGIS workshop "Organized" can stand on its own here. |
|
In this workshop, I learned to create thematic maps and also carried out an analysis to determine the areas that could be affected by the flood.
This might not apply, so feel free to disregard, but I'm assuming the work you were doing was general, not specific to a single flood. If this is about possible floods in general, then the plural "analyses" and general "flooding" would be better. |
|
I am very excited about büro stadtVerkehr's work, and welcome the opportunity to speak with you further about the opportunities there and how I can contribute. I am very excited about büro stadtVerkehr's work, and would welcome the opportunity to speak with you further about They haven't welcomed you yet, so you're hoping they will reach out to you. Therefore "would welcome" is better than just "welcome". |
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Thank you very much for your time and consideration. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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