It ihas been a while since the last time I held my pen and started writing, and there is no sufficient reason to justify why I didn’t do otherwise,. I might convince myself that I was busy or whatnot with the things I went through last month, but deep down I know that those reasons are just lies which I feel guilty of, tabout. That explains the source of my guilt, which is the understanding that I am deceiving myself into thinking that I’m busy or doing something that is valuable while in actuality it is not.

M"Am I making excuses to not work?"

Thoughts are typically designated with quotations to differentiate them.

I might ask myself, t. The answer will be "I don’t know," or am I holding myself back because I don’t see any reason to do anything in the first place?

figurative speaking also use quotations to make them more clear from the text.

It is not like I am naive about the consequences of my actions, n. No, I am well aware of them all, but still, I persist on that approach of life for whatever reason and if I keep doing that, then the cause will be unimaginable.

So, what is the source of all of thatis?

It is been a while since the last time I held my pen and start writing, and there is no sufficient reason to justifygood reason why I didn’t do otherwise,it before now. I might convince myself that I was busy or whatnot with the things I went through last month, but deep down, I know that those reasons are just lies which Ithat make me feel guilty of, t. That explains the source of my guilt, which is the understanding that I am deceivtricking myself into thinking that I’m busy or doing something that is valuable while inen I'm actuality it isly not.

Making excuses to not work?

I am not quite sure what correction to make, but this is not a complete sentence.

That might be a possibility, but still, what is the thing that convinced me that there is no reason and? What holds me back every time?

It is not like I am naive about the consequences of my actions, n. No, I am well aware of them all, b. But still, I persisthold onto thatis approach tof life for whatever reason and if I keep doing that, the cause will be unimaginablesome reason, though I can't understand why.

What is the source of this lack of purpose let’s say and the reckless manner?

I'm not sure that "reckless" is quite the right word. "Carelessness," maybe?

It might be the emptiness of my soul that strives for something but couldn’t find anything that is worth striving for, c. Could it be?

It might be, and to be honest, I have been ignoring it for the most of my life, y. Yes, I’ll admit, this only time, in terms ofthat I may not be well-equipped to understanding my own needs and treating myself well, I would say, I’m not equipped enough and. I don’t know how to equipprepare myself to do that, and I wonder if that is the source of this trouble?

Well, I might know the origin of that fear, which is another story I might consider writing about at a different time.

I am a mess at the moment, a total mess, thatand I needs to be ordained for the better good, and bget everything back in order. By not locating and confronting my demons, the source of my despair, I will lead myself and those who I care about into astray.

However, I am glad that I’m trying at least, which. This is a good indication that I still I gothave the weill to better myself and I haven’t wasted my time on this mumbleo-jumbleo for no reason, and to find answers about it, it is difficult I know, I might be asking the wrong questions here, there might not be any source, to begin with. I know it's difficult to find answers. I might be asking the wrong questions here. Maybe my troubles don't have one particular source, or I might be the source myself without these nonsensical themes that I got myself through, w. Who knows, a? At least I am trying.

What I got from this is how scarily complex the human being is, eit is to be human. Every one of us is destined to confront her/his chaotic nature every now and then in their life, and some of us succeed by taming their devastating inquiries andwhile others fail, talking about suffering.

iIt is like we are made to suffer.

I don’t know, but I do see the beauty behind it sometimes, from mere nomads to the rulers of this world, speaking of ambition and strong weill.

Suffering might be the deriving force for people to cherish and work for the better good, and l. Look at those who been held captives by it in horror and fear, so they do their best to distance themselves from that reality as much as they can, even if that meant to contribute to suffering more and hand those who they fear more or feel uncertain with to the devourer of us all.

I don’t know I might be just exaggerating about this or understateing the hellish reality.

This is off the topic by the way ofa digression from what I intended to write about, and I think that I must stop here.