Oct. 8, 2020
On dark stormy nights
On dark stormy nights, I wake up with a shriek as the white Beast pounces on my chest; its sharp claws digging in my flesh.
I look up in horror only to be met by two gleaming eyes piercing my very soul.
Knowing it has got my full attention, the Beast rises and beckons me to the altar.
In a trance-like state, I rise up and proceed to make an offering of ground bones and dead meat, as I know it to be the only way out of this nightmare that has befallen upon me.
In other words, I give the cat its food.
On dDark sStormy nNights
Capitalize important words in titles
On dark, stormy nights, I wake up with a shriek as the white Beast pounces on my chest; its sharp claws digging into my flesh.
I look up in horror only to be met by two gleaming eyes piercing my very soul.
Knowing it has got my full attention, the Beast rises and becksummons me to the altar.
"Beckon" is a gesture with the hand. I imagine your Beast meows imperiously, as mine does. "Summons" fits more with the mood you're going for as well as with the actual abilities of the cat.
In a trance-like state, I rise up and proceed to make an offering of ground bones and dead meat, as -- I know it to befrom experience that it is the only way out of this nightmare that has befallen upon me.
Your basic command of English is quite good and you write with charm and fluidity. So, I am being pickier. I would also suggest that the second half could read "... that it is the only thing I can do to appease the Beast."
Feedback
This was delightful! You have a good command of style and can set a mood effectively. There are no serious errors here. The suggestions I have are more of style and tone. Good work!
Oct. 9, 2020
Thank you very much I really appreciate your correction and suggestions.
I am not kidding, my cat does head gestures to boss me around.
So far I understand commands like: "follow me!", "put it down.", "hey what's up!" (she nods at me and trills), and "fetch me some kibbles" (she makes a head gesture towards the cupboard where I store them).
I love cats they're adorable and I learned a lot from mine, I just wish I could get a proper night of sleep.
On dark stormy nights
On dark stormy nights, I wake up with a shriek as the white Beast pounces on my chest; its sharp claws digging in my flesh.
I look up in horror only to be met by two gleaming eyes piercing my very soul.
Knowing it has got my full attention, the Beast rises and beckons me to the altar.
In a trance-like state, I rise up and proceed to make an offering of ground bones and dead meat, as I knowing it to be the only way out of this nightmare that has befallen upon me.
Not incorrect, just thought it sounded more poetic this way. That is entirely subjective though.
In other words, I give the cat its food.
Feedback
Amazing! Nothing else to say really.
Oct. 8, 2020
Thank you very much for your correction, your comment made me genuinely happy.
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On dark stormy nights This sentence has been marked as perfect! On Capitalize important words in titles |
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On dark stormy nights, I wake up with a shriek as the white Beast pounces on my chest; its sharp claws digging in my flesh. This sentence has been marked as perfect! On dark, stormy nights, I wake up with a shriek as the white Beast pounces on my chest; its sharp claws digging into my flesh. |
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I look up in horror only to be met by two gleaming eyes piercing my very soul. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Knowing it has got my full attention, the Beast rises and beckons me to the altar. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Knowing it has "Beckon" is a gesture with the hand. I imagine your Beast meows imperiously, as mine does. "Summons" fits more with the mood you're going for as well as with the actual abilities of the cat. |
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In a trance-like state, I rise up and proceed to make an offering of ground bones and dead meat, as I know it to be the only way out of this nightmare that has befallen upon me. In a trance-like state, I rise up and proceed to make an offering of ground bones and dead meat, Not incorrect, just thought it sounded more poetic this way. That is entirely subjective though. In a trance-like state, I rise up and Your basic command of English is quite good and you write with charm and fluidity. So, I am being pickier. I would also suggest that the second half could read "... that it is the only thing I can do to appease the Beast." |
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In other words, I give the cat its food. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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