Starlight's slow descendingt into thebecoming a monster Starlight's slow descent into becoming a monster

No matter how hard she tried, Starlight was still, though young, and fearless, and had a tendency to overestimate her abilities, and i. It would be an understatement to say she didn’t. No matter how hard she tried, Starlight, though young and fearless, had a tendency to overestimate her abilities. It would be an understatement to say she didn’t.

Starlight’s plans were huge, but she didn’t have enough magic, or knowledge or even a way to do that; she barely knew about where she sure needed to headcarry her plans out. She barely knew where to start. Starlight’s plans were huge, but she didn’t have enough magic, knowledge or even a way to carry her plans out. She barely knew where to start.

She had one simple, but coherent thought in her head – she needed to find a magic book. She had one simple thought in her head – she needed to find a magic book.

simple and coherent here are doing the same thing, so I think you don't need both.

When she returned to Ponyville once again she stole couple of coins from thean old man, who was wandering around. When she returned to Ponyville she stole couple of coins from an old man, who was wandering around.

"returned" and "once again" are doing the same thing here. Unless "the" old man is a previously recurring character, it should be "an" old man.

Then, she asked some ponyies if there was somea market or something like that; after response, she headed to thenearby. They told her to try The Decadence, a city of black marble, andfilled with exquisite houses - The Decadence. Then, she asked some ponies if there was a market nearby. They told her to try The Decadence, a city of black marble, filled with exquisite houses.

The dDecadence was a huge town, but its name didn’t play tricks with you;lived up to its name. The Decadence lived up to its name.

of course, this city couldOn the surface it seemed beautiful and friendly, but inside its beautiful houses and sculptors’amongst its delicate work it’ss of art was a decaying society of ponies whose hadmain desire was to kill each other. On the surface it seemed beautiful and friendly, but inside its beautiful houses and amongst its delicate works of art was a decaying society of ponies whose main desire was to kill each other.

It looked more like a husk of that society they pretended to be in my humble opinionShe sensed that beneath the surface there was nothing, only the husk of a society. She sensed that beneath the surface there was nothing, only the husk of a society.

Her mind was switched to theBut she focussed on what was important task – finding the market. But she focussed on what was important – finding the market.

She wandered and wandered, but then unable to find the market, wthen she decideding to rest near poor-scentinga run-down housme, she noticed somethingsaw someone. She wandered and wandered unable to find the market, then deciding to rest near a run-down home, she saw someone.

Apparently, there was a poor pony; hThere was a pony who looked thin and rough. He rose to his feet and started to walk near the wall of that scentinge run-down housme. There was a pony who looked thin and rough. He rose to his feet and started to walk near the wall of the run-down home.

Her eyes were wide-open, asWatching him, she wondered aboutwhich direction he was headed to, and maybe,whether it would be her chance to finally solve this puzzlefind the market. Watching him, she wondered which direction he was headed to, and whether it would be her chance to finally find the market.