yesterday
Only Yesterday
One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper. That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the remaining dozens of us were all Japanese. Boy A, who was Brazilian, and Boy B, who was Japanese, both volunteered. They both desperately wanted to be the goalie, and neither was willing to back down.
So, it was decided they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. But just then, the Brazilian kids gathered around and talked briefly in Portuguese, after which all of them suddenly volunteered for the goalie position. As a result, five people played rock-paper-scissors, and Boy C, a Brazilian, won.
Then, using broken Japanese, Boy A begged Boy C, saying, "Pleeaase!" Boy C casually replied, "Sure," giving up the right to be goalie to Boy A. So, in the end, Boy A got to be the goalkeeper.
There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman. However, we couldn't entirely rule out the possibility that the other Brazilian kids genuinely wanted to play goalie too, but simply changed their minds and yielded to Boy A after winning the game.
Because of this, the Japanese kids who witnessed the whole ordeal didn't complain directly to their faces. Showing a very typical Japanese temperament, they merely grumbled behind their backs, murmuring, "That was totally cheating."
That was the moment when, even in the elementary school, I understood why ethnic conflicts in the world never cease.
Correction Settings
One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper. One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper.
I recommend omitting the comma after "one day" and also the definite article before "elementary school".
One day when I was in elementary school, we were ...
or "Once when I was in elementary school ...
I recommend starting a new sentence with "We had to decide ..."
That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the remaining dozens of us were all Japanese. Comma not needed after "That day". That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the remaining dozens of us were all Japanese. Comma not needed after "That day".
Boy A, who was Brazilian, and Boy B, who was Japanese, both volunteered.
They both desperately wanted to be the goalie, and neither was willing to back down.
So, it was decided they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. No comma after "so". So, it was decided they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. No comma after "so".
But just then, the Brazilian kids gathered around and talked briefly in Portuguese, after which all of them suddenly volunteered for the goalie position.
As a result, five people played rock-paper-scissors, and Boy C, a Brazilian, won.
Then, using broken Japanese, Boy A begged Boy C, saying, "Pleeaase!"
Boy C casually replied, "Sure," giving up the right to be goalie to Boy A. Very nice construction here! Boy C casually replied, "Sure," giving up the right to be goalie to Boy A. Very nice construction here!
So, in the end, Boy A got to be the goalkeeper. No comma after "so". (It's really a coordinating conjunction. If you use "Therefore," you do need a comma.) You could even say "Ultimately, Boy A got to be ..." So, in the end, Boy A got to be the goalkeeper. No comma after "so". (It's really a coordinating conjunction. If you use "Therefore," you do need a comma.) You could even say "Ultimately, Boy A got to be ..."
There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman. Very nice construction! There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman. Very nice construction!
However, we couldn't entirely rule out the possibility that the other Brazilian kids genuinely wanted to play goalie too, but simply changed their minds and yielded to Boy A after winning the game. Also, really nice writing here! However, we couldn't entirely rule out the possibility that the other Brazilian kids genuinely wanted to play goalie too, but simply changed their minds and yielded to Boy A after winning the game. Also, really nice writing here!
Because of this, the Japanese kids who witnessed the whole ordeal didn't complain directly to their faces. Yes. Or more formally, "... didn't complain directly to the boys." Because of this, the Japanese kids who witnessed the whole ordeal didn't complain directly to their faces. Yes. Or more formally, "... didn't complain directly to the boys."
Showing a very typical Japanese temperament, they merely grumbled behind their backs, murmuring, "That was totally cheating." Excellent writing! Showing a very typical Japanese temperament, they merely grumbled behind their backs, murmuring, "That was totally cheating." Excellent writing!
That was the moment when, even in the elementary school, I understood why ethnic conflicts in the world never cease. Lovely sentence. No article before "elementary school" here. If it's followed by an adjectival, you would use the definite article, such as "I didn't like the elementary school that my friend attended" -- but "When I was in elementary school, I learned an important lesson." That was the moment when, even in the elementary school, I understood why ethnic conflicts in the world never cease. Lovely sentence. No article before "elementary school" here. If it's followed by an adjectival, you would use the definite article, such as "I didn't like the elementary school that my friend attended" -- but "When I was in elementary school, I learned an important lesson."
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This is beautiful and impressive writing. I look forward to reading more.
One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper. One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper.
"when I was in elementary school" - here "the" shouldn't be used as it sounds unnatural. It sounds as if you are refering to a specific elementary school (which in this case you did not mention previously, so it could confuse the reader)
There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman. There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman.
"Colluding" is an appropriate word, but very uncommon and unnatural. A more common synonym would be "conspire".
Feedback
In general, near perfect writing!
One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper.
One day, when I was in elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper.
No need for "the"
That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the remaining dozenst of us were all Japanese.
That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the rest of us were all Japanese.
"The rest of us" is a natural expression to say all the remaining people.
They both desperately wanted to be the goalie, and neither of them was willing to back down. They both desperately wanted to be the goalie, and neither of them was willing to back down.
So, it was decided that they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. So, it was decided that they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors.
There is no doubt that they were colluding to do a favor forhelp their fellow countryman.
There is no doubt that they were colluding to help their fellow countryman.
That was the moment when, even in the elementary school, I understood why ethnic conflicts in the world never cease to exist.
That was the moment when, even in elementary school, I understood why ethnic conflicts in the world never cease to exist.
"Cease" is most commonly used with the expression "cease to exist"
Feedback
Your English, specifically your vocabulary, is quite good! My only recommendation is that we usually avoid "boy A," "boy B," "boy C," etc., though I understand why you may have though to use them in this scenario. So, for example, "A Brazilian and a Japanese boy both volunteered. At the end, one of the Brazilian boys won the game of rock-paper-scissors and gave his position to the Brazilian boy who originally volunteered." It is also pretty impressive that you learned such a deep lesson at such a young age!
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Only Yesterday |
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One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper.
One day, when I was in No need for "the" One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper. One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper. "when I was in elementary school" - here "the" shouldn't be used as it sounds unnatural. It sounds as if you are refering to a specific elementary school (which in this case you did not mention previously, so it could confuse the reader) One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper. One day, when I was in the elementary school, we were doing penalty kick practice at my after-school soccer club, and we had to decide on just one goalkeeper. I recommend omitting the comma after "one day" and also the definite article before "elementary school". One day when I was in elementary school, we were ... or "Once when I was in elementary school ... I recommend starting a new sentence with "We had to decide ..." |
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That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the remaining dozens of us were all Japanese.
That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the re "The rest of us" is a natural expression to say all the remaining people. That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the remaining dozens of us were all Japanese. Comma not needed after "That day". That day, there were four Brazilian boys, and the remaining dozens of us were all Japanese. Comma not needed after "That day". |
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Boy A, who was Brazilian, and Boy B, who was Japanese, both volunteered. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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They both desperately wanted to be the goalie, and neither was willing to back down. They both desperately wanted to be the goalie, and neither of them was willing to back down. They both desperately wanted to be the goalie, and neither of them was willing to back down. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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So, it was decided they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. So, it was decided that they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. So, it was decided that they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. So, it was decided they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. No comma after "so". So, it was decided they would settle it with a game of rock-paper-scissors. No comma after "so". |
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But just then, the Brazilian kids gathered around and talked briefly in Portuguese, after which all of them suddenly volunteered for the goalie position. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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As a result, five people played rock-paper-scissors, and Boy C, a Brazilian, won. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Then, using broken Japanese, Boy A begged Boy C, saying, "Pleeaase!" This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Boy C casually replied, "Sure," giving up the right to be goalie to Boy A. Boy C casually replied, "Sure," giving up the right to be goalie to Boy A. Very nice construction here! Boy C casually replied, "Sure," giving up the right to be goalie to Boy A. Very nice construction here! |
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So, in the end, Boy A got to be the goalkeeper. So, in the end, Boy A got to be the goalkeeper. No comma after "so". (It's really a coordinating conjunction. If you use "Therefore," you do need a comma.) You could even say "Ultimately, Boy A got to be ..." So, in the end, Boy A got to be the goalkeeper. No comma after "so". (It's really a coordinating conjunction. If you use "Therefore," you do need a comma.) You could even say "Ultimately, Boy A got to be ..." |
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There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman.
There is no doubt that they were colluding to There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman. There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman. "Colluding" is an appropriate word, but very uncommon and unnatural. A more common synonym would be "conspire". There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman. Very nice construction! There is no doubt they were colluding to do a favor for their fellow countryman. Very nice construction! |
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However, we couldn't entirely rule out the possibility that the other Brazilian kids genuinely wanted to play goalie too, but simply changed their minds and yielded to Boy A after winning the game. However, we couldn't entirely rule out the possibility that the other Brazilian kids genuinely wanted to play goalie too, but simply changed their minds and yielded to Boy A after winning the game. Also, really nice writing here! However, we couldn't entirely rule out the possibility that the other Brazilian kids genuinely wanted to play goalie too, but simply changed their minds and yielded to Boy A after winning the game. Also, really nice writing here! |
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Because of this, the Japanese kids who witnessed the whole ordeal didn't complain directly to their faces. Because of this, the Japanese kids who witnessed the whole ordeal didn't complain directly to their faces. Yes. Or more formally, "... didn't complain directly to the boys." Because of this, the Japanese kids who witnessed the whole ordeal didn't complain directly to their faces. Yes. Or more formally, "... didn't complain directly to the boys." |
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Showing a very typical Japanese temperament, they merely grumbled behind their backs, murmuring, "That was totally cheating." Showing a very typical Japanese temperament, they merely grumbled behind their backs, murmuring, "That was totally cheating." Excellent writing! Showing a very typical Japanese temperament, they merely grumbled behind their backs, murmuring, "That was totally cheating." Excellent writing! |
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That was the moment when, even in the elementary school, I understood why ethnic conflicts in the world never cease.
That was the moment when, even in "Cease" is most commonly used with the expression "cease to exist" That was the moment when, even in the elementary school, I understood why ethnic conflicts in the world never cease. Lovely sentence. No article before "elementary school" here. If it's followed by an adjectival, you would use the definite article, such as "I didn't like the elementary school that my friend attended" -- but "When I was in elementary school, I learned an important lesson." That was the moment when, even in the elementary school, I understood why ethnic conflicts in the world never cease. Lovely sentence. No article before "elementary school" here. If it's followed by an adjectival, you would use the definite article, such as "I didn't like the elementary school that my friend attended" -- but "When I was in elementary school, I learned an important lesson." |
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