The first day of 2024,! It's time to make my resolutions.

Your sentences is completely fine colloquially but in essay writing I think it is grammatically a comma splice. You can split it into two sentences like I did, or connect them with the word "and" or a hyphen or semicolon.

All my apps are sending me Yearly Reports these days, telling me what I have done and achieved in 2023.

Yeah,My smart phone has been an important part inof my life.

I have an laptop, an smart phone, and an ipPad.

The oxford comma (the comma right before the "and") is optional, but always I prefer to use it. It does affect the meaning in certain cases.

Obviously, my smart phone occupies the most of my attention.

As for the TV, that's something for my parents use to kill time, not forbut not me.

Exercise: I bought a spinning bike and a treadmill recent yearsly.

Reading: I read for 197 hours last year on wWeread app.

English speakers tend to just refer to the app by its name.

Housework: I started to bbecame interested in tidying my room.

Yours is correct but it's more natural this way.

I got an app for this.

I met a woman whose daughter needs to learn English and she can teach me guzheng in return.

HI hope I can do better in 2024.

6 Get a hair cut once a year, dye and perm twice a year with fixedthe same hairdresser.

7 Write weekly plans on Monday mornings.

All my apps are sending me Yearly Reports these days, telling me what I have done and achieved in 2023.

Yeah, my smart phone has been an important part in my life.

I have an laptop, an smart phone and an ipad.

Only use “an” if the next word begins with a vowel (a,e,i,o,u)

Obviously my smart phone occupies most of my attention.

As for TV, that's something for my parents to kill time with, not for me.

Exercise: I bought a spinning bike and a treadmill in recent years.

I’m not too sure what a spinning bike is.

Reading: I read for 197 hours last year on the weread app.

I got an app for this.

Again with the vowel rule.

When I take photos for my things and record them on this app, I don't feel like buying too many things.

This makes sense but I don’t understand personally.

I met a woman whose daughter needs to learn English and she can teach me guzheng in return.

2 Play guzheng for at least 3 hours a week.

6 Get a hair cut once a year, dye and perm twice a year with a fixed hairdresser.

7 Write a weekly plan on Monday morning.

TIt's the first day of 2024, time to make my resolutions.

All my apps are sending me Yyearly Rreports these days, telling me what I have done and achieved in 2023.

Yeah, my smart phone has been an important part inof my life.

I have an laptop, an smart phone and an ipad.

"an" just for words before vowels

Obviously, my smart phone occupies most of my attention.

commas go after most introductory phrases. Usually, Often, etc. also do this.

As for TV, that's something for my parents to kill time, not for me.

Exercise: ¶
I bought a spinning bike and a treadmill recent yearsly.

making a new paragraph is more natural when writing a list

Reading: ¶
I read for 197 hours last year on weread app.

wow! that is impressive!

Housework: ¶
I started to be interested in tidying my room.

Hobby: ¶
I like playing guzheng, a Chinese music instrument.

I met a woman whose daughter needs to learn English and she can teaches me guzheng in return.

daughter--needs is third person
teaches is more natural in place of teach

Work: ¶
I feel I didn't improve much in my job in 2023.

HI hope I can do better in 2024.

9 Work harder, like a slave, understand the difference between me and the boss's relativfavorite co-workers.

I think what you are trying to say is the co-workers your boss likes the most

TIt's the first day of 2024, time to make my resolutions.

Let me look back for a while.

すみません、意味がわかりません…do you mean like 自分反省？

Then you could say
"Let me do some self-reflection"

All my apps are sending me a Yearly Report these days, telling me what I have done and achieved in 2023.

I have an laptop, an smart phone and an ipPad.

Use "a" when before a consonant and "an" before vowels

Obviously my smart phone occupies most of my attention.

Exercise: I bought a spinning bike and a treadmill recent yearsly.

Reading: I read for 197 hours last year on wthe Weread app.

Housework: I started to bbecame interested in tidying my room.

When I take photos ofor my things and record them on this app, I don't feel like buying too many things.

I met a woman whose daughter needs to learn English and she can teach me guzheng in return.

3 Sleep less and get up earlier.

Sleep is important!!

9 Work harder, like a slave, understand the difference between me and the boss's relative co-workers.

Work life balance is important!!! Your mental health is important!!!

Please don't work too hard!!頑張ってください！