Sept. 4, 2020
My hope
From my point of view, if a country is developed and civilization enough, they should allow their citizens to retire in their fifties. A person’s life has too many limits. During one’s first three years, they are free and happy, but they are too young to enjoy it. Afterwards, they go to kindergarten until they graduate from university to work, then until they retire in their sixties. In this long period, they can’t do things as they want. But when they are free after retirement, they probably don’t have a good condition in their body and even worse, they can’t live to their sixties. If people can retire when they are at the age of fifty, they would have ten good years to spend. They can travel, and can do what they love to. I think only this way is a perfect life for everyone.
My hope
From my point of viewIn my opinion, if a country is developed and civilizationed enough, they should allow their citizens to retire in their fifties.
"From my point of view" is correct, but would be more common to use about a physical point-of-view. "My point of view is" would also be correct. "In my opinion" is more common when starting a sentence like this.
A person’s life has too many limits.
During one’s first three years, they are free and happy, but they are too young to enjoy it.
Afterwards, they go to kindergartenschool until they graduate from university to work, then they work until they retire in their sixties.
Kindergarten is only one or two years. School includes Kindergarten. This is why if you use the word "until" here, you must say "school". Otherwise, you mean they are in kindergarten for all of the years up to University, which is incorrect.
In this long period, they can’t do things as they want.
But when they are free after retirement, their body probably don’t have aisn't in good condition in their body and even, or worse, they can’t even live to their sixties.
When one says the condition of something is good, it is best to say "in good condition". For example, "the economy is in good condition", or "his body is in good condition".
If people canould retire when they are at the age of fifty, they would have ten good years to spend.
"Can" is correct, but "could" is better because this is a hypothetical scenario. In hypothetical scenarios, use "could" instead of "can".
They canould travel, and can do what they love to.
I think only this way is a perfect life for everyonthis is the only way for everyone to have a perfect life.
Sept. 4, 2020
Great job
Sept. 4, 2020
Thank you for your helping!
Sept. 4, 2020
If people canould retire when they are at the age of fifty, they would have ten good years to spend.
If the present tense “can” is used, the main clause should be in the present as well or in the future tense, so the original would not have worked.
My hope
From my point of view, if a country is developed and civilizationed enough, ithey should allow theirits citizens to retire in their fifties.
A person’s life has too many limits.
During one’s first three years, they are free and happy, but they are too young to enjoy it.
Afterwards, they go to kindergartenschool until they graduate from university, and then to work, then until they retire in their sixties.
InDuring this long period, they can’t do things as they wantplease.
But when they are free after retirement, they are probably don’t have a good condition in their body andunhealthy, or even worse, they can’t lmight not survive to see their sixties.
If people canould retire when they are at the age of fifty, they would have ten good years to spend.
They canould travel, and can do whatever they love to do.
I think only this way isallows for a perfect life for everyone.
Feedback
Great job! Let me know if you have questions about my corrections.
Sept. 4, 2020
Thank you for your helping, I really appreciate it.
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My hope This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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From my point of view, if a country is developed and civilization enough, they should allow their citizens to retire in their fifties.
"From my point of view" is correct, but would be more common to use about a physical point-of-view. "My point of view is" would also be correct. "In my opinion" is more common when starting a sentence like this. From my point of view, if a country is developed and civiliz |
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A person’s life has too many limits. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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During one’s first three years, they are free and happy, but they are too young to enjoy it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Afterwards, they go to kindergarten until they graduate from university to work, then until they retire in their sixties. Afterwards, they go to Afterwards, they go to Kindergarten is only one or two years. School includes Kindergarten. This is why if you use the word "until" here, you must say "school". Otherwise, you mean they are in kindergarten for all of the years up to University, which is incorrect. |
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In this long period, they can’t do things as they want. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
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But when they are free after retirement, they probably don’t have a good condition in their body and even worse, they can’t live to their sixties. But when they are free after retirement, they are probably But when they are free after retirement, their body probably When one says the condition of something is good, it is best to say "in good condition". For example, "the economy is in good condition", or "his body is in good condition". |
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If people can retire when they are at the age of fifty, they would have ten good years to spend. If people c If people c "Can" is correct, but "could" is better because this is a hypothetical scenario. In hypothetical scenarios, use "could" instead of "can". |
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They can travel, and can do what they love to. They c They c |
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I think only this way is a perfect life for everyone. I think only this way I think |
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