Oct. 21, 2020
My happy memory in Australia
When I was 7 years old, I went to Australia. I remember the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. About a few miles away from that beach, there was a bridge over a stream flowing into the sea, and it happened when my family and I was crossing the bridge. A sudden wind blew my cap off, and it fell on the river. It was my favorite cap. However, just after I started to cry, my cap turned up in the air. I look down on to the river, and I found local fisherman picked my cap up in front of me with a long stick. I remember I felt so happy that I almost jumped up from my mother’s arms.
About a few miles away from that beach, there was a bridge over a stream flowing into the sea, and it. My happy memory happened when my family and I wasere crossing the bridge.
I think only one ambiguous term is needed - either "about X miles" or "a few miles". Also "it happened" seems out of place without a clear previous reference.
A sudden wind blew my cap off, and it fell oin the river.
I looked down on to the river, and I found that a local fisherman pickhad lifted my cap up in front of me with a long stick.
I remember I felt so happy that I almost jumped up fromto my mother’s arms.
"From mothers arms" would make sense if you were in them to start with (I assumed if you were seven you were walking on your own).
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Cute story!
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My happy memory in Australia |
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When I was 7 years old, I went to Australia. |
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I remember the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. |
|
About a few miles away from that beach, there was a bridge over a stream flowing into the sea, and it happened when my family and I was crossing the bridge. A I think only one ambiguous term is needed - either "about X miles" or "a few miles". Also "it happened" seems out of place without a clear previous reference. |
|
A sudden wind blew my cap off, and it fell on the river. A sudden wind blew my cap off, and it fell |
|
It was my favorite cap. |
|
However, just after I started to cry, my cap turned up in the air. |
|
I look down on to the river, and I found local fisherman picked my cap up in front of me with a long stick. I looked down on |
|
I remember I felt so happy that I almost jumped up from my mother’s arms. I remember I felt so happy that I almost jumped up "From mothers arms" would make sense if you were in them to start with (I assumed if you were seven you were walking on your own). |
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