yesterday
My Bad Performance
Yesterday, my departmental cross partners and I discussed a technical solution. During the meeting, I lost my temper with one of my partners, because he only thought about his own system, and kept proposing unreasonable demands. I yelled at him, and told him that he should think about the big picture instead of just thinking about himself. But after the meeting, I thought back on it and felt a little regretful. Maybe I just needed to peacefully tell him why I couldn't accept what he proposed. I will remember this experience and handle things elegantly instead of roughly in the future.
Feedback
I agree with @greifslin that "cross-partners" is challenging for readers who are unfamiliar with partnering and teams within a company. An internet search explained different kinds of cross-partnering to me. Now I know that the reason we don't understand the term is because it's unfamiliar to us. On the other hand, when someone in a specific field writes for a general audience, it's helpful to minimize or explain technical terms that readers may be unfamiliar with. My suggestions would be to use simpler words or to give more details about your relationship with your co-workers.
The only other feedback I have is about word choice:
"Maybe I just needed to peacefully tell him why I couldn't accept what he proposed."
I would place "peacefully" after "him."
"Maybe I just needed to tell him peacefully why I couldn't accept what he proposed."
It sounds more natural to me.
"I will remember this experience and handle things {elegantly} instead of roughly in the future."
"Elegantly" is a highly unusual word choice here. That makes it memorable. And it is a strong contrast with "roughly" which is another memorable word to use here. Some more common words to use instead of "elegantly" would be "competently" "courteously" or "skillfully."
Good job!
Yesterday, my departmental cross partners and I discussed a technical solution.
“Cross partners” is unclear in English. If you mean colleagues from another department, you could say “cross-departmental partners”. Otherwise, just “departmental partners” is simpler and natural.
During the meeting, I lost my temper with one of my partners, because he only thought about his own system, and kept proposmaking unreasonable demands.
We usually say “make demands” rather than “propose demands.”
I yelled at him, and told him that he should think about the big picture instead of just thinking about himself.
No comma needed before “and” when connecting two verbs with the same subject.
But after the meeting, I thought back on itreflected back on my behavior and felt a little regretful.
“Reflected on my behavior” is more precise and natural than “thought back on it.”
Feedback
You did something very powerful here: you didn’t just describe the event, you reflected on your actions and thought about how to improve next time. Good job!
today
I appreciate your useful corrections.
|
My Bad Performance |
|
Yesterday, my departmental cross partners and I discussed a technical solution. Yesterday, my departmental “Cross partners” is unclear in English. If you mean colleagues from another department, you could say “cross-departmental partners”. Otherwise, just “departmental partners” is simpler and natural. |
|
During the meeting, I lost my temper with one of my partners, because he only thought about his own system, and kept proposing unreasonable demands. During the meeting, I lost my temper with one of my partners, because he only thought about his own system, and kept We usually say “make demands” rather than “propose demands.” |
|
I yelled at him, and told him that he should think about the big picture instead of just thinking about himself. I yelled at him No comma needed before “and” when connecting two verbs with the same subject. |
|
But after the meeting, I thought back on it and felt a little regretful. But after the meeting, I “Reflected on my behavior” is more precise and natural than “thought back on it.” |
|
Maybe I just needed to peacefully tell him why I couldn't accept what he proposed. |
|
I will remember this experience and handle things elegantly instead of roughly in the future. |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium