azarashisan's avatar
azarashisan

Nov. 8, 2019

0
Mosquitoes in winter

It's already November and the mosquitoes are surprisingly still around.
There was one in my room which woke me up in the middle of the night. I couldn't go back to sleep thus I'm writing this to pass time.

I pity them because every single meal is a live or die situation for them. You'd either get slapped and killed or be unnoticed and get away.
I left my door open for a bit and now they seem to be gone.
Live a good life, mosquito!

Corrections

You'dThey either get slapped and killed or be unnoticed and get away.

You can use the second person I guess, but it's gives off the impression of a more literary style, as if you were talking directly to the mosquito. I think it's a cool style though!

Mosquitoes in winter

It's already November, and the(yet) mosquitoes are surprisingly still around.

There was one in my room, which woke me up in the middle of the night.

Live a good life, mosquito!

Feedback

Wishing you some mosquito-free nights!

nana8's avatar
nana8

Nov. 9, 2019

3

I am amazed by your empathy towards mosquitos. It is easy for people to become annoyed by them, but you were kind and wanted them to live.

Mosquitoes in winter

It's already November and the mosquitoes are surprisingly still around.

There was one in my room which woke me up in the middle of the night.

I couldn't go back to sleep thusso instead, I'm writing this to pass (the) time.

"thus" feels kind of weird here, maybe it's just to me but it sounds more natural to say "so" or "so instead". "the" is optional, again just makes it sound more natural to me

I pity them because every single meal is a livfe or dieath situation for them.

Sounds more natural

You'dThey either get slappwatted and killed or be unnoticed and getfly away.

You swat a fly or bug. slapping sounds odd here and "get away" feels like something is attacking them, if they were unnoticed they wouldn't be attacked so simply just saying "fly away" is fine

I left my door open for a bit and now ithey seems to be gone.

In this sentence, you're referring to the one mosquito from earlier. "They seem" could also be taken as singular but only when you don't know the gender of a person, you just use "it" as a pronoun for animals. Using "they" as a pronoun for a mosquito feels a little like you're personifying it.

Live a good life, mosquito!

Feedback

I just looked at this from a "how natural it sounds" standpoint, If you were going for a certain style then some of the corrections might not apply :) Cool text though!

119397366's avatar
119397366

Nov. 9, 2019

0

I pity them because every single meal is a livfe or dieath situation for them.

death*

Mosquitoes in winter

It's already November and the mosquitoes are surprisingly still around.

There was one in my room which woke me up in the middle of the night.

I couldn't go back to sleep and thus I'm writing this to pass time.


I pity them because every single meal is a live or die situation for them.

You'd either get slapped and killed or be unnoticed and get away.

I left my door open for a bit and now they seem to be gone.

Live a good life, mosquito!

Feedback

Aww cute

Mosquitoes in winter


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It's already November and the mosquitoes are surprisingly still around.


It's already November, and the(yet) mosquitoes are surprisingly still around.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

There was one in my room which woke me up in the middle of the night.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

There was one in my room, which woke me up in the middle of the night.

I couldn't go back to sleep thus I'm writing this to pass time.


I couldn't go back to sleep and thus I'm writing this to pass time.


I couldn't go back to sleep thusso instead, I'm writing this to pass (the) time.

"thus" feels kind of weird here, maybe it's just to me but it sounds more natural to say "so" or "so instead". "the" is optional, again just makes it sound more natural to me

I pity them because every single meal is a live or die situation for them.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I pity them because every single meal is a livfe or dieath situation for them.

Sounds more natural

You'd either get slapped and killed or be unnoticed and get away.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

You'dThey either get slappwatted and killed or be unnoticed and getfly away.

You swat a fly or bug. slapping sounds odd here and "get away" feels like something is attacking them, if they were unnoticed they wouldn't be attacked so simply just saying "fly away" is fine

You'dThey either get slapped and killed or be unnoticed and get away.

You can use the second person I guess, but it's gives off the impression of a more literary style, as if you were talking directly to the mosquito. I think it's a cool style though!

I left my door open for a bit and now they seem to be gone.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I left my door open for a bit and now ithey seems to be gone.

In this sentence, you're referring to the one mosquito from earlier. "They seem" could also be taken as singular but only when you don't know the gender of a person, you just use "it" as a pronoun for animals. Using "they" as a pronoun for a mosquito feels a little like you're personifying it.

Live a good life, mosquito!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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