Jan. 24, 2025
Monitor Tour1
I participated in a monitor tour organized by the tourist association of my city.
The tour was divided into 2 sections; Tour with the local train and visit of 3 sake breweries.
I am not a lover of the train but since I almost never took this local train, I was just curious.
What I appreciated was not the view from the window, but the narration of the train driver. He told a story about the train and the city. Since this train was exclusively reserved for the participants of this tour, the time table was not typical so there was a moment that 2 trains crossed where they never did it. I saw there were 2 trains fans with their cameras awaiting that moment. (They must have gotten the information somewhere) I, who was not so interested in the train could assist this exceptional moment, I think the life is not just.
MonitorGuided Tour 1
I didn't catch this reviewing the other piece, I just assumed it was a brand name, but Monitor Tour is 和製英語 - in English we would say Guided Tour
I participated in a monitorguided tour organized by the tourist association of my city.
The tour was divided into 2 sections; TA tour with theon a local train and a visit tof 3 sake breweries.
I am not a lover of the traintrain lover but since I almost never took this local train, I was just curious.
Since this train was exclusively reserved for the participants of this tour, the time table was not typical so there was a moment that 2 trains crossed where they never did iormally would not.
Never is too strong here, as it implies that it has never happened before.
I saw there were 2 trains fans with their cameras awaiting that moment.
(They must have gotten the information somewhere) I, who was not so interested in the train could assistexperience this exceptional moment,. I think theat life is not just.
I'm guessing a bit as to what you meant by assist, I think it was experience
Jan. 28, 2025
Yes, Monitor Tour is 和製英語. Normally this tour is sold in the travel agency but we participated in the tour for free, in return, after the tour, we had to answer the short survey to share our feeling and the points to be improved etc. We use the word MONITOR when we test the product for example, too.
How do you say that kind of tour?
Monitor Tour 1
I participated in a monitor tour organized by the tourist association of my city.
The tour was divided into 2 sections; Ta tour with the local train and a visit of 3 sake breweries.
When using a semicolon you don't need to capitalize the next word.
When listing things like you are here, it flows better to include an article
I amdo not a lover of the trains, but since I almost never took this local train, I was just curiousI was curious since I have only rarely taken this local train.
Using "the train" sounds like you specifically don't like that one train. If you mean all trains in general you don't need the "the"
I change the ending to sound more natural
What I appreciated was not the view from the window, but the narration of the train driver.
He told a story about the train and the city.
Since thise train was exclusively reserved for the participants of thise tour, the time table was not typical so there was. This resulted in a moment that 2where two trains crossed where they never did itin a place they would not normally.
I broke it into two sentences and changed the ending to sound more natural. It does not work well as one long sentence.
I saw there were 2two trains fans/(enthusiasts) with their cameras awaiting that moment.
For numbers under 10, we need to write them out
Another word for "fans" could be "enthusiasts"
(They must have gottenfound the information somewhere). I, who was not so interested in the train, could assistnot appreciate this exceptional moment,. I think theat life is not just.
The parentheses are not needed. "Found" would work better in the sentence
I am not sure what you mean by "could assist". I changed the sentence to clarify that you felt you did not enjoy the experience as much as the train fans would have.
Feedback
Good job! You could consider using contractions to make the writing flow even more For example:
Was not = wasn't
I am = I'm
Jan. 25, 2025
Thank you for detailed explanations!
As for this,
I am not sure what you mean by "could assist". I changed the sentence to clarify that you felt you did not enjoy the experience as much as the train fans would have.
I wanted to say, although I was not particulary enthusiast of the train but I could see that exceptional moment by chance, so I appreciated and at the same time I thought the life is not fair because there would be other enthusiasts (Not two enthusiasts I saw) who would like to be there at that moment. :)
Jan. 25, 2025
Oh ok, I understand now.
We have an expression in English you might've heard before "It is one of life's great ironies that ...". You could use the expression here and say something like "It was one of life's great ironies that I got to experience the exceptional moment, but many actual train fans did not". I think this would express your feeling much better
Jan. 26, 2025
Thank you, I never heard of that expression, this sentence makes easy to convey what I wanted to express!
Jan. 26, 2025
You're welcome :)
Monitor Tour 1
I participated in a monitoring tour organized by the tourist association of my city.
The tour was divided into 2 sections; Tour with the local train and visit of 3 sake breweries.
I am not a lover of the train but since I had almost never tookaken this local train, I was just curious.
What I appreciated was not the view from the window, but the narration of the train driver.
He told a story about the train and the city.
Since this train was exclusively reserved for the participants of this tour, the time table was not typical so there was a moment that 2 trains crossed where they never did it.
I saw there were 2 trains fans with their cameras awaiting that moment.
(They must have gotten the information somewhere) I, who was not so interested in the train could assist this exceptional moment,. I think the life is not just not for me.
Feedback
Good job :-)
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Monitor Tour1 Monitor Tour 1 Monitor Tour 1
I didn't catch this reviewing the other piece, I just assumed it was a brand name, but Monitor Tour is 和製英語 - in English we would say Guided Tour |
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I participated in a monitor tour organized by the tourist association of my city. I participated in a monitoring tour organized by the tourist association of my city. This sentence has been marked as perfect! I participated in a |
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The tour was divided into 2 sections; Tour with the local train and visit of 3 sake breweries. This sentence has been marked as perfect! The tour was divided into 2 sections; When using a semicolon you don't need to capitalize the next word. When listing things like you are here, it flows better to include an article The tour was divided into 2 sections; |
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I am not a lover of the train but since I almost never took this local train, I was just curious. I am not a lover of the train but since I had almost never t I Using "the train" sounds like you specifically don't like that one train. If you mean all trains in general you don't need the "the" I change the ending to sound more natural I am not a |
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What I appreciated was not the view from the window, but the narration of the train driver. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He told a story about the train and the city. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Since this train was exclusively reserved for the participants of this tour, the time table was not typical so there was a moment that 2 trains crossed where they never did it. Since this train was exclusively reserved for the participants of this tour, the time table was not typical so there was a moment that 2 trains crossed where they never did Since th I broke it into two sentences and changed the ending to sound more natural. It does not work well as one long sentence. Since this train was exclusively reserved for the participants of this tour, the time table was not typical so there was a moment that 2 trains crossed where they n Never is too strong here, as it implies that it has never happened before. |
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I saw there were 2 trains fans with their cameras awaiting that moment. I saw there were 2 train I saw there were For numbers under 10, we need to write them out Another word for "fans" could be "enthusiasts" I saw there were 2 train |
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(They must have gotten the information somewhere) I, who was not so interested in the train could assist this exceptional moment, I think the life is not just. (They must have gotten the information somewhere) I, who was not so interested in the train could assist this exceptional moment
The parentheses are not needed. "Found" would work better in the sentence I am not sure what you mean by "could assist". I changed the sentence to clarify that you felt you did not enjoy the experience as much as the train fans would have. (They must have gotten the information somewhere) I, who was not so interested in the train could I'm guessing a bit as to what you meant by assist, I think it was experience |
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