Ducky's avatar
Ducky

Feb. 22, 2022

0
Modern Sheep

Here we have a happy and modern sheep. It is an internal happiness, for that don't smile. She has a fashion piercing in an ear and a cute cap in two colors. I had forgotten, she has beautiful socks, in two colors, too. This sheep it not has any problems, and loving everyone equally. It is a glad and calm sheep.

Corrections
6

Modern Sheep

Here we have a happy and modern sheep.

It is an internal happiness, for thatso she doesn't smile.

"For" meaning "because" sounds formal. With "for" it could be something like "It is an internal happiness; for that [reason] she doesn't smile."

She has a fashionable ear piercing in an ear and a cute cap in two colors.

I had forgotten, she has beautiful socks, in two colors, too.

Using "em dash" instead of coma and avoiding the second comma are stylistic choices. Most punctuation guides recommend avoiding run-on sentences, that is independent clauses connected only with a comma.

This sheep itdoes not hasve any problems, and lovinges everyone equally.

It is a gladcalm and calmhappy sheep.

Repeating "happy" at the end is a nice closure.

Feedback

Nice note!

It is an internal happiness, for thaHer happiness is internal; it doesn't need a smile.

Or.... It is an internal happiness, one that doesn't express itself in a smile

She has a fashion piercing in anone ear and a cute cap in two -colorsed cap.

I'd probably just say, "colorful cap" so it would be smoother

I hadalmost forgotten,: she has beautiful socks, inalso two -colors, tooed.

This sheep itdoes not hasve any problems, and. She lovinges everyone equally.

The two ideas are separate enough that I think separate sentences is more appropriate.

ItThis is a gladcalm and calmhappy sheep.

"calm and happy" is smoother but what you wrote is fine :-)

Feedback

Sweet little description. Nice work.

Ducky's avatar
Ducky

Feb. 23, 2022

0

Thanks for your correction and feedback. It is very useful for me.

Modern Sheep


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It is a Happy and modern sheep.


She has a fashion piercing and a cute cup in two colors.


I had forgotten, she has beautiful socks, in two colors, too.


I hadalmost forgotten,: she has beautiful socks, inalso two -colors, tooed.

I had forgotten, she has beautiful socks, in two colors, too.

Using "em dash" instead of coma and avoiding the second comma are stylistic choices. Most punctuation guides recommend avoiding run-on sentences, that is independent clauses connected only with a comma.

This sheep it not has problems, loving everywhere equally.


It is a glad and calm sheep.


ItThis is a gladcalm and calmhappy sheep.

"calm and happy" is smoother but what you wrote is fine :-)

It is a gladcalm and calmhappy sheep.

Repeating "happy" at the end is a nice closure.

Here we have a happy and modern sheep.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It is an internal happiness, for that don't smile.


It is an internal happiness, for thaHer happiness is internal; it doesn't need a smile.

Or.... It is an internal happiness, one that doesn't express itself in a smile

It is an internal happiness, for thatso she doesn't smile.

"For" meaning "because" sounds formal. With "for" it could be something like "It is an internal happiness; for that [reason] she doesn't smile."

She has a fashion piercing in an ear and a cute cap in two colors.


She has a fashion piercing in anone ear and a cute cap in two -colorsed cap.

I'd probably just say, "colorful cap" so it would be smoother

She has a fashionable ear piercing in an ear and a cute cap in two colors.

This sheep it not has any problems, and loving everyone equally.


This sheep itdoes not hasve any problems, and. She lovinges everyone equally.

The two ideas are separate enough that I think separate sentences is more appropriate.

This sheep itdoes not hasve any problems, and lovinges everyone equally.

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