Lighting Speed

hardin

April 16, 2023

One day, a plume of smoke appeared in the distance, rising into the sky and casting a foreboding shadow over the nearby people. I knew what it meant - danger was afoot.

As I arrived on the scene, my heart raced with anticipation. Flames engulfed an ancient building, screams filling the air. With lightning speed, my eyes scanned the structure with intense focus.

The cries for help were deafening, and I wasted no time in taking action. I raced towards the entrance, my feet barely touching the ground. Bursting through the door, I was met with a horrific sight - smoke, ash, and walls ablaze with orange and red flames.

Without hesitation, I darted towards the first room I saw, quickly locating a young child huddled under a desk, tears streaming down her face. Scooping her up in my arms, I raced back out the door, my heart pounding with adrenaline.

The building trembled beneath my feet, time running out. I knew I had to act fast. Dodging falling debris and flames with ease, I located another group of people trapped in a room at the back of the building.

My heart pounded with each passing second, but I stayed focused. I assessed the situation and began pulling the trapped people out of the burning building one by one with lightning speed.

Emerging from the building, carrying the last of the trapped people in my arms, the structure collapsed behind me with a deafening roar. My body shook with exhaustion, but I didn't falter. I gently set the people I had saved down on the ground, watching as they stumbled away, faces filled with gratitude.

en 3

Correct

Corrections

mari

Lighting Speed

One day, a plume of smoke appeared in the distance, rising into the sky and casting a foreboding shadow over the nearby people.

I knew what it meant - danger was afoot.

As I arrived on the scene, my heart raced with anticipation.

Flames engulfed an ancient building, screams filling the air.

~~With lightning speed, my eyes~~As quickly as I could, I scanned the structure ~~with intense focus~~.

The original sentence sounds kind of off to me but I'm not sure how to fix it so this is my best attempt for now.

"Scan" and "intense" sound opposite to me so we wouldn't use both to describe the same action in the US.

The cries for help were deafening, and I wasted no time in taking action.

I raced towards the entrance, my feet barely touching the ground.

Bursting through the door, I was met with a horrific sight - smoke, ash, and walls ablaze with orange and red flames.

Without hesitation, I darted towards the first room I saw, quickly locating a young child huddled under a desk, tears streaming down her face.

Scooping her up in my arms, I raced back out the door, my ~~heart pounding~~veins filled with adrenaline.

The building trembled beneath my feet~~, time~~. Time was running out.

I knew I had to act fast.

Dodging falling debris and flames with ease, I located another group of people trapped in a room at the back of the building.

My heart pounded with each passing second, but I stayed focused.

I assessed the situation and began pulling the trapped people out of the burning building one by one with lightning speed.

Emerging from the building, carrying the last of the trapped people in my arms, the structure collapsed behind me with a deafening roar.

My body shook with exhaustion, but I didn't falter.

I gently set the people I had saved down on the ground, watching as they stumbled away, faces filled with gratitude.

Feedback

Good work!

jukia

Lighting Speed

One day, a plume of smoke appeared in the distance, rising into the sky and casting a foreboding shadow over the nearby people.

I knew what it meant - danger was afoot.

As I arrived on the scene, my heart raced with anticipation.

Flames engulfed an ancient building, screams filling the air.

With lightning speed, my eyes intensely scanned the structure ~~with intense focus~~.

The cries for help were deafening, and I wasted no time in taking action.

I raced towards the entrance, my feet barely touching the ground.

Bursting through the door, I was met with a horrific sight - smoke, ash, and walls ablaze with orange and red flames.

Without hesitation, I darted towards the first room I saw, quickly locating a young child huddled under a desk, tears streaming down her face.

The building trembled beneath my feet, time running out.

I knew I had to act fast.

Dodging falling debris and flames with ease, I located another group of people trapped in a room at the back of the building.

My heart pounded with each passing second, but I stayed focused.

I assessed the situation and began pulling the trapped people out of the burning building one by one with lightning speed.

EI emerg~~ing~~ed from the building, carrying the last of the trapped people in my arms, just as the structure collapsed behind me with a deafening roar.

dangling modifier

My body shook with exhaustion, but I didn't falter.

I gently set the people I had saved down on the ground, watching as they stumbled away, faces filled with gratitude.

Feedback

Well done! Really captivating writing!

banana

One day, a plume of smoke appeared in the distance, rising into the sky and casting a foreboding shadow over the nearby people.

I knew what it meant - danger was afoot.

As I arrived on the scene, my heart raced with anticipation.

Anticipation usually means waiting for something exciting. If that's not the kind of feeling you're trying to refer to, you could say "my heart raced with fear" or "my heart raced with anxiety".

Flames engulfed an ancient building, screams filling the air.

With lightning speed, my eyes scanned the structure with intense focus.

"lightning speed" and "with intense focus" are a little contradictory since "lighting speed" refers to doing something very fast but "intense focus" usually involves doing something carefully and more slowly.

The cries for help were deafening, and I wasted no time in taking action.

I raced towards the entrance, my feet barely touching the ground.

Bursting through the door, I was met with a horrific sight - smoke, ash, and walls ablaze with orange and red flames.

Without hesitation, I darted towards the first room I saw, quickly locating a young child huddled under a desk, tears streaming down her face.

The building trembled beneath my feet~~, time~~. Time was running out.

I knew I had to act fast.

Dodging falling debris and flames with ease, I located another group of people trapped in a room at the back of the building.

My heart pounded faster and faster with each passing second, but I stayed focused.

Usually when we say "with each passing second", it's to indicate that something is increasing or decreasing over time. So you could say "my heart pounded faster and faster" or "my heart pounded louder and louder", whichever you think works best in this story!

I assessed the situation and began pulling the trapped people out of the burning building one by one with lightning speed.

Emerging from the building, carrying the last of the trapped people in my arms, the ~~structure~~building collapsed behind me with a deafening roar.

I think building works better than structure here

My body shook with exhaustion, but I didn't falter.

I gently set the people I had saved down on the ground, watching as they stumbled away, faces filled with gratitude.

Feedback

What you originally wrote was quite good, my comments were mostly just small changes to help make the story sound more natural. Really great writing!

Lighting Speed