Last Tuesday, my husband and I visited a shrine, called Otori-jinja 鷲神社, which is located in Asakusa 浅草.

It is well-known for the annual festival Tori-no-Ichi 酉の市, which is held on the days of Torithe rooster in the lunar calendar in November.

Based on the next sentence (5th, 17th and 29th) -- should it be "days of the Tori"?

This year, the day falls on 5th, 17th and 29th.

Every year, many business people visit the shrine to pray for good fortune in the coming year and purchase a rake-shaped charm called kumade 熊手.

That’s because we Japanese think that we can collect money using it, just like raking up leaves.

The small bamboo rake is decorated with many auspicious trinkets, such as paper cranes, gold tortoises, pine trees, red sea breams, etc.

It is very fancy and gorgeousnate.

There were many kumade stalls within the precincts of the shrine, and tens of thousands of different types of kumade were for sale.

They (can) vary in size from 10 centimeters to 2 meters in length.

After praying in front of the worship hall, we strolled around the grounds and bought one about 50cm at a stall, because we want to enjoy a healthy and prosperous retirement, although we are not business people.

Every year, many business people visit the shrine to pray for good fortune in the coming year and purchase a rake-shaped charm called kumade 熊手.

After praying in front of the worship hall, we strolled around the grounds and bought one about 50 cm at a stall, because we want to enjoy a healthy and prosperous retirement, although we are not business people.

Last Tuesday, my husband and I visited a shrine, called Otori-jinja 鷲神社, which is located in Asakusa 浅草.

What you have is correct! This is just a bit more concise and simpler if you want to speak this way.

It is well-known for the annual festival Tori-no-Ichi 酉の市, which is held on the day of Tori in the lunar calendar in November.

Same thing! "which is..." is 100% correct but this is another way of speaking concisely.

This year, theat day falls on the 5th,17th and the 29th.

Every year, many businesspeople visit the shrine to pray for good fortune in the coming year and purchase a rake-shaped charm called the/a kumade 熊手.

That’s because we Japanese think that we can collect money using it just like rakingrake up money just like how we rake up leaves.

The small bamboo rake is decorated with many auspicious trinkets, such as the paper crane, the gold tortoise, the pine tree, the red sea bream, etc.

They varyied in size from 10 centimeters to 2 meter in length.

Because you used past tense in the previous sentence, keep the same past tense. If you wrote, "There are many Kumade stalls" then you can keep the present tense here, too.

After praying in front of the worship hall, we strolled around the grounds and bought one about 50cm atfrom a stall, because we want to enjoy a healthy and prosperous retirement, al though we are not businesspeople.