Oct. 8, 2022
Korossol's back!
"I had a sister. If you have to remember anything about this story, let it be this: I had a sister.
I had a mother too. Once. But it's been so long, I'm not so sure about her name anymore.
Every evening, when I come back home and see this man, all I can remember is that I had a sister.
And now I don't.
He wants me to call him "Father". He hits me when I don't. Sometimes I do, although I'm ashamed of it. I want to say that I won't call him that again, ever, but I'm weak.
"Father" sold my sister. He sold her to the sorcerers who live across the river, beyond the Great Mountain. He probably sold Mother, too. She vanished, no one knows where, no one knows when.
My sister and I, we grew up alone, under the eye of this man. Twins. Blessed or cursed, depending on who you ask.
I won't tell you my sister's name; it's the only thing I have left of her. He doesn't know it either: for years we lied and used each other names until only us knew who was which. For we were one and the same, at last in the eye of others.
But she bled first and he saw something.
To this day I have no idea what. She was a woman as I was still a child, we were parted as is the custom. She came back but when it was my turn...
She wasn't there anymore."
Korossol's back!
"I had a sister.
If you have to remember anything about this story, let it be this: I had a sister.
I had a mother too.
Once.
But it's been so long, I'm not so sure about her name anymore.
Every evening, when I come back home and see this man, all I can remember is that I had a sister.
And now I don't.
He hits me when I don't.
Sometimes I do, although I'm ashamed of it.
I want to say that I won't ever call him that again, ever, but I'm weak.
I feel 'ever' makes the 'again' redundant?
"Father" sold my sister.
He sold her to the sorcerers who live across the river, beyond the Great Mountain.
He probably sold Mother, too.
She vanished, no one knows where, no one knows when.
My sister and I, we grew up alone, under the eyes of this man.
Blessed or cursed, depending on who you ask.
I won't tell you my sister's name; it's the only thing I have left of her.
He doesn't know it either: for years we lied and used each other's names until only uswe knew who was which.
For we were one and the same, at last in the eye of others.
But she bled first and he saw something.
To this day, I have no idea what.
She was a woman as I was still a child, we were parted as is the custom.
If you want to use 'the', 'norm' would suit more. With custom, article is not required.
She came back but when it was my turn...
She wasn't there anymore."
He doesn't know it either: for years we lied and used each other’s names until only uswe knew who was which.
For we were one and the same, at least in the eyes of others.
Feedback
Well done.
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Korossol's back! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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"I had a sister. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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If you have to remember anything about this story, let it be this: I had a sister. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I had a mother too. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Once. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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But it's been so long, I'm not so sure about her name anymore. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Every evening, when I come back home and see this man, all I can remember is that I had a sister. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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And now I don't. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He wants me to call him "Father". |
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He hits me when I don't. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Sometimes I do, although I'm ashamed of it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I want to say that I won't call him that again, ever, but I'm weak. I want to say that I won't ever call him that I feel 'ever' makes the 'again' redundant? |
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"Father" sold my sister. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He sold her to the sorcerers who live across the river, beyond the Great Mountain. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He probably sold Mother, too. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She vanished, no one knows where, no one knows when. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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My sister and I, we grew up alone, under the eye of this man. My sister and I, we grew up alone, under the eyes of this man. |
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Twins. |
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Blessed or cursed, depending on who you ask. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I won't tell you my sister's name; it's the only thing I have left of her. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He doesn't know it either: for years we lied and used each other names until only us knew who was which. He doesn't know it either: for years we lied and used each other’s names until only He doesn't know it either: for years we lied and used each other's names until only |
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For we were one and the same, at last in the eye of others. For we were one and the same, at least in the eyes of others. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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But she bled first and he saw something. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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To this day I have no idea what. To this day, I have no idea what. |
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She was a woman as I was still a child, we were parted as is the custom. She was a woman as I was still a child, we were parted as is If you want to use 'the', 'norm' would suit more. With custom, article is not required. |
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She came back but when it was my turn... This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She wasn't there anymore." This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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