Aug. 5, 2021
Korossol into the Ring 33
I didn't realize she was white before. That what hurts the most, I think. We had been friends since we were twelve; her parents were expats who were trying to find a new way to live, far away from France. I was local, and she was a guest; that how I thought of things. She was my friend. I never had a friend before.
We grew up together, lived in each others house and shared everything. We loved one another. Of that, I'm sure.
When we were fifteen, her parents decided to keep searching their way around the world. She went to Africa. I went to highschool. Alone.
I don't remember anything about this first year except a crushing despair. Life went on.
When she came back, I couldn't go back to the girl I had been. My trust had been betrayed. Never before had I been hurt that much. I was afraid and I think now, kind of feral.
She tried. Oh, how she tried. But we weren't the same girls anymore. Even our lives were separate. She went to a different school, had different friends, talked differently. She still loved me and I her. I was just afraid.
One day, she invited me to her house. Her new home was far from everything, in a neighborhood filled by rich, white people. I never had a reason to go there. Her friend's parent took me, I think it was her birthday and I met her new friends.
They were all white. Rich, white girls, with that drawl that I only knew how to avoid.
I was the only black girl at her birthday. Her guests - and her parents guests - looked at me, wondering what I was doing here.
I never went back. She lived in a world that I hated. I stopped trying and so did she.
Korossol into the Ring 33
I didn't realize she was white before.
That what hurts the most, I think.
We had been friends since we were twelve; her parents were expats who were trying to find a new way to live, far away from France.
"We had" is often said/written as "we'd".
I was a local, and she was a guest; that's how I thought of things.
She was my friend.
I'd never had a friend before.
We grew up together, lived in each othersthe same house and shared everything.
If you want to say that the narrator and the other girl lived in two different houses, you could say, "we lived in both of our houses".
We loved one another.
Of that, I'm sure of that.
When we were fifteen, her parents decided to keep searchcontinue on, finding their way around the world.
I don't really understand what you mean by "searching" here.
She went to Africa.
I went to highschool.
Alone.
I don't remember anything about thise first year except a crushing despair.
Life went on.
When she came back, I couldn't go back to the girl I had been.
"I had" is often said/written as "I'd".
My trust had been betrayed.
Never before had I been hurt that muchbadly.
I was afraid and I think now, kind of feralcold.
She tried.
Oh, how she tried.
But we weren't the same girls anymore.
Even our lives were separate.
She went to a different school, had different friends, talked differently.
She still loved me and I her.
I was just afraid.
One day, she invited me to her house.
Her new home was far from everything, in a neighborhood filled by rich, white people.
I never had a reason to go there.
Her friend's parent took me to her house, I think it was her birthday, and I met her new friends.
They were all white.
Rich, white girls, with that drawl that I only knew how to avoid.
I was the only black girl at her birthday.
Her guests - and her parents' guests - looked at me, wondering what I was doing there.
I never went back.
She lived in a world that I hated.
I stopped trying and so did she.
Feedback
Great Job! Just a few corrections!
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She tried. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Oh, how she tried. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I was afraid and I think now, kind of feral. I was afraid and I think now, kind of |
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Korossol into the Ring 33 This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I didn't realize she was white before. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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That what hurts the most, I think. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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We had been friends since we were twelve; her parents were expats who were trying to find a new way to live, far away from France. We had been friends since we were twelve; her parents were expats who were trying to find a new way to live, far away from France. "We had" is often said/written as "we'd". |
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I was local, and she was a guest; that how I thought of things. I was a local, and she was a guest; that's how I thought of things. |
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She was my friend. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I never had a friend before. I'd never had a friend before. |
|
We grew up together, lived in each others house and shared everything. We grew up together, lived in If you want to say that the narrator and the other girl lived in two different houses, you could say, "we lived in both of our houses". |
|
We loved one another. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Of that, I'm sure.
|
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When we were fifteen, her parents decided to keep searching their way around the world. When we were fifteen, her parents decided to I don't really understand what you mean by "searching" here. |
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She went to Africa. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I went to highschool. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Alone. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I don't remember anything about this first year except a crushing despair. I don't remember anything about th |
|
Life went on. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
When she came back, I couldn't go back to the girl I had been. When she came back, I couldn't go back to the girl I had been. "I had" is often said/written as "I'd". |
|
My trust had been betrayed. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Never before had I been hurt that much. Never before had I been hurt that |
|
But we weren't the same girls anymore. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Even our lives were separate. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She went to a different school, had different friends, talked differently. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She still loved me and I her. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I was just afraid. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
One day, she invited me to her house. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Her new home was far from everything, in a neighborhood filled by rich, white people. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I never had a reason to go there. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Her friend's parent took me, I think it was her birthday and I met her new friends. Her friend's parent took me to her house, I think it was her birthday, and I met her new friends. |
|
They were all white. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Rich, white girls, with that drawl that I only knew how to avoid. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I was the only black girl at her birthday. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Her guests - and her parents guests - looked at me, wondering what I was doing here. Her guests - and her parents' guests - looked at me, wondering what I was doing there. |
|
I never went back. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
She lived in a world that I hated. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I stopped trying and so did she. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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