ELVIS's avatar
ELVIS

July 21, 2024

0
Ken and Sam

ken is a kind child who have been living in Benin with his sibling Sam since their parents kicked the bucket unfortunetely. it was not easily to get over this for them, mercifully a sweat guy who happens to be their uncle helped them out, so they started belonging his family as his own brats. Almost everything seemed to move forward amongst them, but one day Bob(the uncle) had gotten so mad at Wendy( his wife) then he dumped her just like she began worthless for him. Although, Ken and Sam had been trying to convience Bob to not kick her out because she is a good person , it turned out that it didn't worth it at all.
a few months later even though Bob was still single, Ken and Sam had to go to school. They were looking forward to this time for couple of days, but out of sudden Bob got an issue after he had told them about. it's that he ran out of money , furthermore he did'nt know how to figure it out. what a shame right?

Corrections

Ken and Sam

kKen is a kind child who haves been living in Benin with his sibling Sam since their parents unfortunately kicked the bucket unfortunetely.

iIt was not easilyy for them to get over this for them,, but mercifully a sweat(kind/sweet) guy who happens to be their uncle helped them out, so they started belonging. They became a part of his family , as if they were his own bratkids.

Sweet is usually used for children or women, but you could use it here if you really want. Brats is a really negative word. Sometimes people use it when joking, but I personally would not use it here.

Almost everything seemed to move forward asmongst themothly, but one day Bob (the uncle) had gottengot so mad at Wendy( (his wife) thenat he dumped her just like she began worthless for, as if she was worth nothing to him.

Although, Ken and Sam had been tryingtried to convience Bob to not to kick her out because she iwas a good person , it turned out that it didn't worth it at all(but it didn't work at all / it turned out to be for nothing).

aA few months later even though, Bob was still single, and Ken and Sam had to go to school.

They were looking forward to this time for couple of days, but outall of the sudden Bob got an issue after he had told them abouttold them he had an issue.

it's thatThe issue was he ran out of money , and furthermore he did'n't know how to figure it out(get out of debt/make more money/to fix the problem).

wWhat a shame, right?

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Be careful with capitalization!

ELVIS's avatar
ELVIS

July 23, 2024

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Thank you

ken is a kind child who haves been living in Benin with his sibling Sam ever since their parents kicked the bucket unfortuneately.

for them, it was not easily to get over this for them, mercifully, however, a sweat guy who happens to be their uncle helped them out, so they started belong out of mercy, and took them ing his family as his own brats.

im keeping the brats bit in because i try to stay true to one's writing style.

Almost everything seemed to move forward amongstfor them, but one day Bob(the uncle) had gotten so mad at Wendy( his wife) thenat he dumped her just like she beganthat, she had become worthless for him.

another, slightly more natural way would be 'Bob(the uncle) had gotten so mad at Wendy( his wife) that he decided that the relationship isn't worth it anymore and dumped her.'

Although, Ken and Sam had been trying to convience Bob to not kick her out because she is a good person , it turned out that it didn't worth it at alwas to no avail.

a few months later even though Bob was still single, Ken and Sam had to go to school.

They were looking forward to ithis time for couple of days, but out of suddenly Bob got an issue afterthat he had to telld them about.

it's that he ran out of money , furthermore he did'n't know how to figure it all out.

what a shame, right?

Feedback

very interesting story, i tried to make the least changes possible. and i hope you continue the story someday, i need to know what will happen to poor Bob.

ELVIS's avatar
ELVIS

July 23, 2024

0

Glad to hear that! I'll keep it up

Ken and Sam


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

ken is a kind child who have been living in Benin with his sibling Sam since their parents kicked the bucket unfortunetely.


ken is a kind child who haves been living in Benin with his sibling Sam ever since their parents kicked the bucket unfortuneately.

kKen is a kind child who haves been living in Benin with his sibling Sam since their parents unfortunately kicked the bucket unfortunetely.

it was not easily to get over this for them, mercifully a sweat guy who happens to be their uncle helped them out, so they started belonging his family as his own brats.


for them, it was not easily to get over this for them, mercifully, however, a sweat guy who happens to be their uncle helped them out, so they started belong out of mercy, and took them ing his family as his own brats.

im keeping the brats bit in because i try to stay true to one's writing style.

iIt was not easilyy for them to get over this for them,, but mercifully a sweat(kind/sweet) guy who happens to be their uncle helped them out, so they started belonging. They became a part of his family , as if they were his own bratkids.

Sweet is usually used for children or women, but you could use it here if you really want. Brats is a really negative word. Sometimes people use it when joking, but I personally would not use it here.

Almost everything seemed to move forward amongst them, but one day Bob(the uncle) had gotten so mad at Wendy( his wife) then he dumped her just like she began worthless for him.


Almost everything seemed to move forward amongstfor them, but one day Bob(the uncle) had gotten so mad at Wendy( his wife) thenat he dumped her just like she beganthat, she had become worthless for him.

another, slightly more natural way would be 'Bob(the uncle) had gotten so mad at Wendy( his wife) that he decided that the relationship isn't worth it anymore and dumped her.'

Almost everything seemed to move forward asmongst themothly, but one day Bob (the uncle) had gottengot so mad at Wendy( (his wife) thenat he dumped her just like she began worthless for, as if she was worth nothing to him.

a few months later even though Bob was still single, Ken and Sam had to go to school.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

aA few months later even though, Bob was still single, and Ken and Sam had to go to school.

Although, Ken and Sam had been trying to convience Bob to not kick her out because she is a good person , it turned out that it didn't worth it at all.


Although, Ken and Sam had been trying to convience Bob to not kick her out because she is a good person , it turned out that it didn't worth it at alwas to no avail.

Although, Ken and Sam had been tryingtried to convience Bob to not to kick her out because she iwas a good person , it turned out that it didn't worth it at all(but it didn't work at all / it turned out to be for nothing).

They were looking forward to this time for couple of days, but out of sudden Bob got an issue after he had told them about.


They were looking forward to ithis time for couple of days, but out of suddenly Bob got an issue afterthat he had to telld them about.

They were looking forward to this time for couple of days, but outall of the sudden Bob got an issue after he had told them abouttold them he had an issue.

it's that he ran out of money , furthermore he did'nt know how to figure it out.


it's that he ran out of money , furthermore he did'n't know how to figure it all out.

it's thatThe issue was he ran out of money , and furthermore he did'n't know how to figure it out(get out of debt/make more money/to fix the problem).

what a shame right?


what a shame, right?

wWhat a shame, right?

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