8pm, late evening, sitting atin a room.

I turned around, to look at the outside.

I didn't notice that it'it was night, only the small, blurry light bys coming from the streetlights, apartments, and lighting from cars ion the highway.

The sound of dogs barking, someone fixdoing vehicle maintenance, the fan spinning air towards me, children laughing with their parents.

But I'm sitting here, looking ontoat my computer, stressing about money, worrying ofor my career, and my future ahead.

If I hastayed the same, all my life wouldwould my whole life be a slave of them, of the people with money, and power?

I noticed how stupid I am, by while lookeding through a book and reading a summary of the 48 laws of power.

I have a lot of mistakeflaws, but the most important thing I'd been fix was need to fix is to stop blaming others.

Today will be the 8th day of my writing streak on LangCorrect.

It's nothing impressive, but by writing everyday, I've been receiving so much useful lessons, love of you guys.

(I don't know which word fits better instead ofthan "love", what I try to ismean is that you guys take care, care about me, and leavinge encourageing comments).

That encourages me to write more, to not being depressed by negative thoughts.

Hope you guys couldan achieve the goals you want.

I'd like to make corrections if someone tryies to learn Vietnamese haha.

Perhaps you find anything unnatural, if you'd like to, you can leave a comment beside it.

And which word or phrase is bettercan I use instead of repeating "you guys" like me XD

Keep mMoving

Titles usually use a special set of rules called "title case"

8pm, late evening, sitting atin a room.

You could also say, to be more technically "proper," "I am sitting in a room at 8pm."

I turned around, to look at the outside.

The phrase is "look outside"

If you turned around because you wanted to see outside, then you would use "to" to show the purpose.

I didn't notice that it' was night,. I only the small,saw blurry light byfrom the streetlight, apartments, and lighting from cars in the highway.

If you mean that you didn't notice it was night until you looked outside, maybe try "I hadn't noticed that it was night until I saw the lights from the streetlight, apartments, and cars on the highway."

TI heard the sound of dogs barking, someone fixing their vehicle maintenance, the fan spinning towards me, and children laughing with their parents.

Nice job using commas. "and" goes before the last thing in the list. Also, the reader is wondering what you want to say about these sounds. That you heard them? Then use "I heard." That you noticed them? Then use "I noticed." That they made you feel I certain way? Then say "I felt ______ when I heard ..."

But I'm sitting here, looking ontoat my computer, stressing about money, worrying ofabout my career, and my future ahead.

"future ahead" is repetitive since "future" means "the time ahead" and "ahead" means "in the future"

Usually it is "look at" and "worry about."

I'm tired of this life, of the people around me, and of how powerless I am.

same thing with "and" here

If I had the same, all my life would be a slave of them, of the people with money, power?

I am unsure what you mean by "the same" and "slave of them". Maybe this is it:

Will I be a slave to people with money and power all my life?

I noticed how stupid I am,was by lookeding through athe book and read summary of t"The 48 lLaws of pPower."

"looking through" and "reading a summary of" are very similar, so I just kept the "looking through" part

Also, "was" is better here because you are working on changing this perception.

I have a lot of mistakes, but the most important thing I'd been could fix was to stop blaming others.

"I'd been fix" could sound more natural with some tweaks

Because tThen I could focus on myself, not others, to change my mindset, leading to action, to get out of this.

"because" would be better kept here if this sentence were added on to the previous one

Today will be the 8th day of my writing streak on LangCorrect.

It's nothing impressive, but by writing everyday, I've been receiving so muchany useful lessons, love of you guys.

Native speakers can still mix up "much" and "many," so this is a common thing.

(I don't know which word fits better instead of "love",; what I am trying to say is you guys take care, care about me, and leavinge encourageing comments).)

"don't know" goes with "fits"

"didn't know" goes with fit or fits

you could also say "...and keep leaving encouraging comments"

That encourages me to write more, and to not being depressed by negative thoughts.

"depressed" would be the more common form of this word, especially if one means the clinical condition of depression

Hope you guys could achieve goals you want.

"could" is acceptable, but removing it makes the sentence sounds more friendly

I'd like to make corrections if someone tryies to learn Vietnamese haha.

a lot of the time, the versions of the verb that end with "s" are only added when the speaker is NOT included

I try--the speaker is part of the occurrence, so we wouldn't use the version that adds "ies" to "tr"

Perhaps if you find anything unnatural, if you'd like to, you can leave a comment beside.

"if" introduces the request

And which word or phrase is better, instead of repeating "you guys" like me XD