I realized recently that iI am struggling to be perceived , i. It stems from , at least what ifrom what I can come up with , from really bad/shameful past socializing, always choosing people that disliked me , and one of the responsibilities iI took from an early age , is to try and make those exact people choose me , morphing into what they liked , trying to psychoanalyze them , to watch carefully at what their faces was doing , so iI can forsake what to do next , what to change next , what iI can be next to fit their liking ,. I wasn't doing that purposefully , me... Man iI hope not,a. After a while this mechanisms became exhausting , m. My mind was always occupied , with thoughts , dreams , hopes , fears , i. I never forgot how these people made me feel , t. They rejected me , and iI was finally going to reject myself , but first iI made myself iunattainable , far away from people's perception,i. It was like a middle in the finger forto them , but when this was directed towards people that could have been theire for me , that would have been a part of my life , with whom iI could have evolve d, the regret whereas all mine , and i. I realized that it was time to move past the hurt that people who waseren't suited for me caused , to be enough brave enough, just enough to droveget rid of a defense mechanism that no longer helps me .

I realized recently that iI am struggling to be perceived , inoticed. It stems from , at least what i come up with , from really bad/shameful past socializing,always choosingI think , the bad an shameful relationships I've had in the past. ¶
I have always gravitated towards people that disliked me , and o. One of the responsibilities i took from an early age , ibehaviors I demonstrated was to try and make those exact people choose me ,morphing into what they liked ,like me ¶
and by acting the way they wanted me to act. I would trying to psychoanalyze them , toand watch carefully ato see what their faces wasere doing , so i can forsakeI would know what to do next , what to change next , what iI can beould do next to fitmake theirm liking ,e me. I wasn't doing that purposefully , me. Man iI hope not,a! After a while this mechanismsway of acting became exhausting. , mMy mind was always occupied , with thoughts , dreams , hopes , fears , i! never forgot how these people made me feel , t. They rejected me , and ithis was finally goleading me to reject myself , but first i made. I was making myself iunattainable , far away from people's perception,i. It was like a middle in the finger forto them , but when this was directed. I could have directed my energy towards people thatwho could have been their for me , that wcould have been a part of my life , with whom iI could have evolve , td. The regrets where all mine , and i. Now I realize that it wais time for me to move past the hurt that people who wasn't suited for me caused ,I experienced and to be enough brave , j, Just enough to drovep a defense mechanism that no longer helped me .

You have a lot to say, Try breaking up your sentences into smaller pieces to make it more readable. Great job!