March 29, 2022
Jungle
He was awakened by a thin thread of sunlight that filtered through a hole in the ceiling and ended amongst his black eyelashes. The first thing he saw, after covering his face with his hand, was a myriad of tiny dust particles swirling slowly in the centre of the cabin, glistening in the morning light. He brewed some tea on the stove and then, with the cup of tea in his hand, he stood in front of the only window he had. Outside, the jungle was waking up, still covered in thick mist. He could see the deep recesses beneath the centennial trees gradually gaining colour, slowly shaking off the dark shadows of the night. After his breakfast, he set off for the sawmill. It was a three-hour walk along a deserted dirt road flanked on both sides by the huge trees of the virgin rain forest. The dirt road was dry because it was the dry season. Its colour was red, with an orange tinge. While he was walking on the road, he heard the cicadas singing. The jungle is almost always disturbingly silent; the one exception being the mating call of the cicadas in the summer months.
Its colour was a red colour, with an orange tinge. (Or, it was red, with an orange tinge.).
Using colours (e.g., red or orange) implies the colour so you do don't have to explicitly state it. Also, it sounds more natural to state the colour name first.
The jungle is almost always disturbingly silent; the one exception being the mating call(s) of the cicadas in the summer months.
I think it is plural hear as there are more than one cicadas.
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I really enjoyed reading this passage, thanks so much for sharing! I just left some small comments to make some sentences sound more natural. Keep going!
March 31, 2022
Thank you very much!
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Jungle |
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He was awakened by a thin thread of light that filtered through a hole in the ceiling and ended amongst his black eyelashes. |
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The first thing he saw, upon covering his face with his hand, was a myriad of tiny dust particles swirling slowly in the centre of the cabin, under the morning light. |
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He brewed some tea on the stove and then, with the cup of tea in his hand, he stood in front of the only window he had. |
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Outside the jungle was waking up, still covered in thick mist. |
|
He could see the deep recesses beneath the centennial trees gradually gaining colour, slowly shaking off the dark shadows of the night. |
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After his breakfast, he set off for the sawmill. |
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It was a three-hour walk along a deserted dirt road flanked on both sides by the huge trees of the virgin rain forest. |
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The dirt road was dry because it was the dry season. |
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Its colour was red, almost orange, and the road was crisscrossed by think crack lines. |
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While he was walking on it, he heard the cicadas singing. |
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Contrary to what most people believe, the jungle is almost always disturbingly silent; the one exception being the mating call of the cicadas in the summer months. |
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While he was walking on the road, he heard the cicadas singing. |
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The first thing he saw, upon covering his face with his hand, was a myriad of tiny dust particles swirling slowly in the centre of the cabin, glistening in the morning light. |
|
He was awakened by a thin thread of sunlight that filtered through a hole in the ceiling and ended amongst his black eyelashes. |
|
The jungle is almost always disturbingly silent; the one exception being the mating call of the cicadas in the summer months. The jungle is almost always disturbingly silent; the one exception being the mating call(s) of the cicadas in the summer months. I think it is plural hear as there are more than one cicadas. |
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Its colour was red, with an orange tinge, and the road was crisscrossed by think crack lines. |
|
Its colour was red, with an orange tinge, and it was crisscrossed by think crack lines. |
|
The first thing he saw, after covering his face with his hand, was a myriad of tiny dust particles swirling slowly in the centre of the cabin, glistening in the morning light. |
|
Its colour was red, with an orange tinge. It Using colours (e.g., red or orange) implies the colour so you do don't have to explicitly state it. Also, it sounds more natural to state the colour name first. |
|
The road was crisscrossed by think crack lines. |
|
The dirt road was dry because it was the dry season and it was crisscrossed by thin crack lines. |
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Outside, the jungle was waking up, still covered in thick mist. |
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