Sept. 8, 2021
Julia’s Story - 2
Julia got sad and bagan to weep
Crystal said, “Have you heard the story of a sheep?”
“Little sheep who lived on a place
Where there’s huge rocks and steeps.”
In a winter’s day, mom told her,
We have to go on a mountain top
Sheep was little and her legs were weak
Her mom said, you can do it.
A big snow storm was going to hit.
Sheep followed her mom and started to walk.
Soon she forgot about her fear and started to talk.
At once her little hoof slipped.
She tried to hold a tree’s branch.
The Branch broke,
Poor little sheep fell down from height.
She saw down and felt heaven’s light.
To her surprise, it was big woody house
Where lived a giant scary toad
Sheep fell down on the grassy roof
While the giant toad was making soup
Roof broke and soup fell on ground
Giant toad roared in horrible sound
Sheep said sorry and tried to escape
He shouted, “Now I will eat you ‘Little grape’!!!”
Julia got sad and baegan to weep
Crystal said, “Have you heard the story of a sheep?”
“Little sheep who lived oin a place
Where there’s huge rocks and steeps.”
"Steep" is an adjective, not a noun. You would maybe say "She lived on a steep hill."
IOn a winter’s day, mom told her,
If you say Julia's mom, then "mom" is lowercase. If you just say mom like it's her name, then it's Mom (capitalized).
"We have to go ton a mountain top."
Sheep was little and her legs were weak
Her mom said, "you can do it."
A big snow storm was going to hit.
Sheep followed her mom and started to walk.
Soon she forgot about her fear and started to talk.
At once her little hoof slipped.
She tried to hold a tree’s branch.
You could also just say "tree branch".
The Bbranch broke,
Poor little sheep fell down from very height.
This sounds more natural, but it doesn't fit your rhyme scheme. You could also say "Poor little sheep fell down from quite a height."
She sawlooked down and felt heaven’s light.
To her surprise, it was a big woody house
Where lived a giant scary toad
Sheep fell down on the grassy roof
While the giant toad was making soup
RThe roof broke and soup fell on the ground
Giant toad roared inwith a horrible sound
You would either say "Giant Toad" like a name or "The giant toad"
Sheep said sorry and tried to escape
He shouted, “Now I will eat you ‘Llittle grape’!!!”
Feedback
Nice job trying to write in a rhyme scheme! That's a big challenge :)
Oct. 10, 2021
Thank you so so much levicitodd for the correction. It is very helpful. Learned a lot from that. Much appreciated! :- )
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Julia’s Story - 2 |
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Julia got sad and bagan to weep Julia got sad and b |
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Crystal said, “Have you heard the story of a sheep?” This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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“Little sheep who lived on a place “Little sheep who lived |
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Where there’s huge rocks and steeps.” Where there’s huge rocks and steeps.” "Steep" is an adjective, not a noun. You would maybe say "She lived on a steep hill." |
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In a winter’s day, mom told her,
If you say Julia's mom, then "mom" is lowercase. If you just say mom like it's her name, then it's Mom (capitalized). |
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We have to go on a mountain top "We have to go to |
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Sheep was little and her legs were weak This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Her mom said, you can do it. Her mom said, "you can do it." |
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A big snow storm was going to hit. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Sheep followed her mom and started to walk. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Soon she forgot about her fear and started to talk. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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At once her little hoof slipped. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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She tried to hold a tree’s branch. She tried to hold a tree’s branch. You could also just say "tree branch". |
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The Branch broke, The |
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Poor little sheep fell down from height. Poor little sheep fell down from very h This sounds more natural, but it doesn't fit your rhyme scheme. You could also say "Poor little sheep fell down from quite a height." |
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She saw down and felt heaven’s light. She |
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To her surprise, it was big woody house To her surprise, it was a big woody house |
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Where lived a giant scary toad This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Sheep fell down on the grassy roof This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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While the giant toad was making soup This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Roof broke and soup fell on ground
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Giant toad roared in horrible sound Giant toad roared You would either say "Giant Toad" like a name or "The giant toad" |
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Sheep said sorry and tried to escape This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He shouted, “Now I will eat you ‘Little grape’!!!” He shouted, “Now I will eat you |
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