Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 19, 2020

0
Journal 10/19/20

I came to the countryside this afternoon and saw that they raised chickens in fields. No workshop, no feed, just put the chickens in the orchard. The chickens mainly eat grass and a few leftovers and could go everywhere freely. I thought that when I was a child, I was growing up in a way similar to those chickens. So I had some feelings and wrote sentences below: When I was a child, every family raised chickens in this way, and so did we children grew up like this. Grew up naturally, not afraid of the winds and rain.

Corrections

I camewent to the countryside this afternoon and saw that they raised chickens inchickens were being raised in the fields.

No workshcoop, no feeding, just put the chickensting them out in the orchard.

Please note that in the previous sentence, you wrote that you saw the chickens in the field, now they are in the orchard. Which is it? They have different meanings.

The chickens mainly eat grass and a few leftovers andmainly and those with no more grass left to eat could go everywhere freely.

I thought that wWhen I was a child, I was growinggrew up in a way similar toway as those chickens.

So I had some feelings and wrotthis similarity prompted me to write the sentences below: When I was a child, every family raisedlet chickens in this waroam freely, and so did weus children grew up like this.

Grewowing up naturally, not this way made us not to be afraid of the winds and the rain.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 19, 2020

0

Thank you very much.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 20, 2020

0

No workshcoop, no feeding, just put the chickensting them out in the orchard.

Thank you for reminding me.

I camewent to the countryside this afternoon and saw that they were raiseding chickens in fields.

What you wrote is not wrong, I am just assuming you mean something slightly different. "I came to the countryside" assumes you are still there, not that you took a short trip there and back. Please ignore if I am assuming incorrectly!

No workshop, no feed, they just put the chickens in the orchard.

An orchard is very specific. It means a farm where fruit trees are grown. Do you want this, or something more general? If more general, maybe "fields", or "crops."

I thought that when I was a child, I was growinggrew up in a way similar to those chickens.

So I had some feelings and wrote the sentences below: When I was a child, every family raised chickens in this way, and so did we children also grew up like this.

GWe grew up naturally, not afraid of the winds and rain.

Feedback

Very good! It is poetic and nice to read =). I notice your most frequent mistake is leaving out the subject (I, you, he, etc.).

Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 19, 2020

0

I camewent to the countryside this afternoon and saw that they were raiseding chickens in fields.

You are right and I am wrong.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 19, 2020

0

No workshop, no feed, they just put the chickens in the orchard.

You are right.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 19, 2020

0

Thank you for your corrections, detailed notes and suggestions. In Chinese we have many sentences without subjects, for instance: 自然生长,不惧风雨。I always write English essay with Chinese thinking. I thought it would work, but it didn’t.

thegorillaman's avatar
thegorillaman

Oct. 19, 2020

0

Yes, I studied Chinese for about 3 years and was surprised by this (I want to improve it again after reaching c1 in German!). Unfortunately English is much more strict with this.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Oct. 19, 2020

0

Thank you for your response and your help. If you study Chinese again, I will try my best to help you.

Journal 10/19/20


I came to the countryside this afternoon and saw that they raised chickens in fields.


I camewent to the countryside this afternoon and saw that they were raiseding chickens in fields.

What you wrote is not wrong, I am just assuming you mean something slightly different. "I came to the countryside" assumes you are still there, not that you took a short trip there and back. Please ignore if I am assuming incorrectly!

I camewent to the countryside this afternoon and saw that they raised chickens inchickens were being raised in the fields.

No workshop, no feed, just put the chickens in the orchard.


No workshop, no feed, they just put the chickens in the orchard.

An orchard is very specific. It means a farm where fruit trees are grown. Do you want this, or something more general? If more general, maybe "fields", or "crops."

No workshcoop, no feeding, just put the chickensting them out in the orchard.

Please note that in the previous sentence, you wrote that you saw the chickens in the field, now they are in the orchard. Which is it? They have different meanings.

The chickens mainly eat grass and a few leftovers and could go everywhere freely.


The chickens mainly eat grass and a few leftovers andmainly and those with no more grass left to eat could go everywhere freely.

I thought that when I was a child, I was growing up in a way similar to those chickens.


I thought that when I was a child, I was growinggrew up in a way similar to those chickens.

I thought that wWhen I was a child, I was growinggrew up in a way similar toway as those chickens.

So I had some feelings and wrote sentences below: When I was a child, every family raised chickens in this way, and so did we children grew up like this.


So I had some feelings and wrote the sentences below: When I was a child, every family raised chickens in this way, and so did we children also grew up like this.

So I had some feelings and wrotthis similarity prompted me to write the sentences below: When I was a child, every family raisedlet chickens in this waroam freely, and so did weus children grew up like this.

Grew up naturally, not afraid of the winds and rain.


GWe grew up naturally, not afraid of the winds and rain.

Grewowing up naturally, not this way made us not to be afraid of the winds and the rain.

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