Aug. 13, 2020
It is easier to become an educated person now (1) ?
In my opinion, becoming an educated person is harder than in the past. Those have two reasons to support my opinion. In the current decade, people could know the world through the internet link at home. But the problem is that people will be easiest to attract entertainment online and can not focus on education study. Therefore, time changed, people changed. Getting an education is not the only way to calibrate a person's achievement for now. And there are more ways to approach success.
The previous generation always says, “ the young generation is the luckier one, compared with the last generation.” In their view, the young generation doesn’t need to confront the burden of life, warfare, and hunger.” I agreed. But instead, the younger generation faces more lure from entertainment. Because some have more time to waste and play online. The success of the internet brings huge convenience to them that can get information as soon as possible. If a person has not self-discipline, he will be lost in entertainment and doom failure on his education study.
I wrote around 350 words, I separated two-part and posted them. And this post is the first part. If you can leave some suggestions to improve my writing, that is very helpful to me. thank you.
It is easier to become an educated person now (1) ?
In my opinion, becoming an educated person is harder thannow than it was in the past.
ThoseI have two reasonarguments to support my opinion.
In theis current decade, people couldan know what is happening in the world through the internet link at home.
But the problem is that people will be easiest toare easily attracted to entertainment online and can not focus on education study.studying.
Edits make the sentence more assertive
Therefore, tim times have changed, and people changed. also.
Getting anIn today’s society education is not the only way to calibratmeasure a person's achievement for now.s.
The previous generation always says, “ the younger generation is the luckier one, compared withto the last generation.” In their view, the younger generation doesn’t need to confront the burden of life, warfare, and hunger.” I agreed.
But instead, the younger generation faces more luretemptations from entertainment sources.
Because some of them have more time to waste and play online.
The success of the internet brings a huge convenience to them thatas they can get information as soon as possible.
If a person has not self-discipline, they will be lost in entertainment and doom failure on hised to fail their education study.
They instead of he is the better way of wording this
Feedback
Keep it up
Aug. 14, 2020
Thank your feedback. I separated my essay into two-part. this one is the first one. Could you take a quick look at my second one? I want to know that is the whole essay structure connects every part or looks jump a lot. Please :)
It is easier to become an educated person now (1) ?
In my opinion, becoming an educated person is harder now, than in the past.
Although the sentence was correct, I feel it sounds better this way.
Those have two reasonere are two arguments to support my opinion.
In the current decade, people could get to know the whole world through the internet link at home.
"Decade" refers to the last 10 years. I think it might be better to write "In the current age" or "In the present".
But the problem is that people will be easiest tomore attracted to entertainment online, and canwill not focus on their education study.
Therefore, timhe times have changed, and people have changed too.
GToday, getting an education is not the only way to calibratmeasure a person's achievement for nows.
I'm not sure what the original intention of the sentence was, but I think this is what you meant to say.
And there are more ways to approach success.
The previous generation always says, “ the young generation is the luckier one, compared withto the last generation.” In their view, the young generation doesn’t need to confront the burden of life, warfare, and hunger.” I agreed.
But iInstead, the younger generation faces more lure fromis becoming more attracted to entertainment.
Because some of them have more time to waste and play online.
The success of the internet brings a huge convenience to them, that canallows them to get information as soon as possible.
If a person has not self-discipline, he will be lost in entertainment, and doomwill be doomed for failure oin his education study.
Feedback
Overall the writing was good in my opinion.
Aug. 14, 2020
Thank your feedback. I separated my essay into two-part. this one is the first one. Could you take a quick look at my second one? I want to know that is the whole essay structure connects every part or looks jump a lot. Please
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It is easier to become an educated person now (1) ? This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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In my opinion, becoming an educated person is harder than in the past. In my opinion, becoming an educated person is harder now, than in the past. Although the sentence was correct, I feel it sounds better this way. In my opinion, becoming an educated person is harder |
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Those have two reasons to support my opinion. Th
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In the current decade, people could know the world through the internet link at home. In the current decade, people could get to know the whole world through the internet link at home. "Decade" refers to the last 10 years. I think it might be better to write "In the current age" or "In the present". In th |
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But the problem is that people will be easiest to attract entertainment online and can not focus on education study. But the problem is that people will be But the problem is that people Edits make the sentence more assertive |
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Therefore, time changed, people changed. Therefore, t The |
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Getting an education is not the only way to calibrate a person's achievement for now.
I'm not sure what the original intention of the sentence was, but I think this is what you meant to say.
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And there are more ways to approach success. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The previous generation always says, “ the young generation is the luckier one, compared with the last generation.” In their view, the young generation doesn’t need to confront the burden of life, warfare, and hunger.” I agreed. The previous generation always says, “ the young generation is the luckier one, compared The previous generation always says, “ the younger generation is the luckier one, compared |
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But instead, the younger generation faces more lure from entertainment.
But instead, the younger generation faces more |
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Because some have more time to waste and play online. Because some of them have more time to waste and play online. Because some of them have more time to waste and play online. |
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The success of the internet brings huge convenience to them that can get information as soon as possible. The success of the internet brings a huge convenience to them, that The success of the internet brings a huge convenience to them |
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If a person has not self-discipline, he will be lost in entertainment and doom failure on his education study. If a person has no If a person has no They instead of he is the better way of wording this |
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