Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 16, 2020

0
IPhone

Let me talk about the iPhone. The iPhone used to be very popular in China, and people were extremely proud to have one. Some young people in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell their kidney. What an extremely horrible thing! But I never thought that the iPhone was really something! It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserve that much money. I really don’t know why so many people are crazy about it in the past. The same price, Samsung has a higher configuration and the same configuration Samsung has a lower price. In terms of software adoption, Samsung has very good performance and every software can work well with it. But as for the iPhone, most Apps can’t adopt it well, especially the word size. They are very small and can’t be used normally. Plus, there is another important aspect. Its operational flexibility is far less than Samsung’s. The same task, you can do it easily on Samsung because Samsung gives you many ways. But if you do it on the iPhone, you just have only fewer ways and it seems too stupid. So far, the iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which shocked me extremely, and it looks like it’s hundreds of years behind. I can say for sure, if the iPhone goes this way, it will not last long. In fact, it is no longer popular.

Corrections

TFor the same price, Samsung has a higher configurspecs (specifications) and the same configuration Samsung hasspecs at a lower price.

Assuming that the technical specifications (what processor, what hard drive) etc. is what is meant by "configuration".

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 17, 2020

0

非常感谢,谢谢你的修改!

IPhone

Let me talk about the iPhone.

The iPhones used to be very popular in China, and people were extremely proud to have one.

I don't know why, but 'the iPhone' doesn't really fit here.

Some young people in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell one of their kidneys in order to buy one.

Personally, I'd use 'get' instead of 'buy' in this situation, but that's nothing more than a preference of mine. 'One' since you've already established that iPhones are what you're talking about in the previous sentence. Also, personally, it's either 'one of their kidneys' (if they only dared to sell one) or 'their kidneys' (if they dared to sell both of their kidneys), but not 'their kidney'. Once again, it makes sense but doesn't sound natural.

What an extremely horrible thing!

It makes sense, but it'd sound a lot more natural if you followed that up with a verb like so - 'What an extremely horrible thing to say!' or something to that effect. Also, in this case, 'extremely' would be superfluous and thus unnecessary. A shorter way of saying what you said would be 'How horrible!' Still, your sentence does make sense.

ButEven so, I never thought that the iPhone was really somethinganything special!

I'm being way too fastidious when I say this, but it's good practice to never start a sentence with a conjunction like 'but'; one way of getting around this is by using its synonym 'however'.

It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserve that much moneyit justifies the high price.

'deserve' is reserved for when you talk about people, unless you're talking about praise or criticism or things like that, in which case it can be used for both people and objects.

I really don’t know why so many people arewent crazy about it in the past.

'Honestly' sounds better than 'really' in this situation, in my opinion, but that's just a preference. The verb following 'people' should be in the past tense cause of that reference to the past 'in the past'. 'To go crazy about something' means to fall in love with a product, an object, a fad, a concept etc.

The same price, Samsung has a higher configuration andfor the same configurationprice. OR Samsung chas a lower pricerges less for the same configuration.

In terms of software adoption, Samsung has very good performance and every software ccompatibility, Samsung perfoms well and works well with itevery software.

But aAs for the iPhone, however, most Aapps can't adopt it well, especially the wordrun on it, especially because of the font size.

They areIt is very small and can’t be used normallyin day-to-day life.

I assume you are referring to the font size here, which is singular, so 'it is' should be used. 'day-to-day life' is better cause 'normally' suggests that the font size has to be used in a different way or something. 'day-to-day life' is a bit more specific.

Plus, there is another important aspect to consider.

Again, I feel like this sentence would be more natural if you added a verb to the end, like 'to consider'.

Its operational flexibililty is far lessower than the Samsung’s.

The same task, you can do it easily onYou can easily do your work on a Samsung because Samsungit gives you many ways of doing it.

'the same task' is something you should use for contrast, as in 'If you try to do the same task on an iPhone, it doesn't hold up.' or something like that. 'task' doesn't really fit here. It's more natural for 'ways' to be followed by a verb than to not be.

But if you do it on the iPhone, you just have onlytry to do the same on an iPhone, you have fewer ways, and it just seems toso stupid.

So far, the iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which shocked me extremimmensely,; and it looks like it’s hundreds of years a result, it feels centuries behind.

What d'you mean by 'a few mechanical and original keystrokes'? Sorry, I couldn't get what you trying to say there.

I can say for sure,with certainty that if the iPhone goestays this way, it will not last long.

'stays' because it's the lack of change that is dooming iPhones to this fate.

In fact, it is no longer popular.

Feedback

This is a really good piece of work, I was just being far too harsh in my corrections.

Let me talk about the iPhone.

The iPhone used to be very popular in China, and people were extremely proud to have one.

Some young people, in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell their kidney.

What an extremely horrible thing!

But I never thought that the iPhone was really somethinganything special!

It feels a bit unnatural to use the phrase 'really something' here. The phrase 'Wow! That's really something!' is common, but it would be unusual to hear someone say that they DON'T think an object is 'really something'.

I really don’t know why so many people awere crazy about it in the past.

They are very small and can’t be used normally.

Plus, there is another important aspect.

Its operational flexibility is far less than Samsung’s.

The same task, you can do itYou can do the same task easily on Samsung because Samsung gives you many ways to do so.

But if you do it on the iPhone, you just have onlyhave fewer ways and it seems too stupid.

I can say for sure, that if the iPhone goes this waycontinues like this, it will not last long.

In fact, it is no longer popular.

Feedback

Great work! I really enjoyed reading this ... although iPhones are still my phone of choice ;)

IPhone

Let me talk about the iPhone.

The iPhone used to be very popular in China, and people were extremely proud to have one.

Some young people in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell their kidney in order to buy an iphone.

What an extremely horrible thing!

But I never thought that the iPhone was that really something!

It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserveshould cost that much money.

TFor the same price, Samsung has a higher configuration and for the same configuration Samsung has a lower price.

In terms of software adoptioncompatibility, Samsung has very good performance and every software can work well with it.

But as for the iPhone, most Apps can’t adopt it well, especially the wordare compatible, especially with the font size.

They are very small and can’t be used normally.

Plus, there is another important aspect.

Its operational flexibility is far less than Samsung’s.

The same task, you can do it easily on Samsung because Samsung givprovides you with many ways to achieve it.

But if you want to do it on the iPhone, you just have only fewerhave a limited amount of ways and it seems too stupid.

So far, tThe iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which shocked me extremely, and it looks like it’s hundreds of years behind.

I can say for sure, if the iPhone goes thicontinue its way, it will not last long.

In fact, it is no longer popular.

IPhone

Let me talk about the iPhone.

The iPhone used to be very popular in China, and people were extremely proud to have one.

Some young people in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell their kidneys in order to buy an iPhone.

"people" is plural so "kidney" should be plural too.

The clause "in order to buy an iPhone" was correct, but sounds more natural at the end of the sentence.

What an extremely horrible thing!

But I never thought that the iPhone was really something!

Traditionally, a conjunction ("but", "and", etc.) shouldn't start a sentence.

It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserveshould cost that much money.

"deserve" sounds weird for an object, it's usually used for people.

I really don’t know why so many people are crazy about it in the pastfirst place.

Good job! This is a good sentence. It just sounds more natural to use the idiom "first place" here.

TFor the same price, Samsung has a highbetter configuration and, or for the same configuration, Samsung has a lower price.

"features" might be better than "configuration" here.

In terms of software adoptioncompatibility, Samsung has very good performance and everymost software can work well with it.

But aAs for the iPhone, most Aapps can’t adopt itrun well, especially the word size.

They are very small and can’t be used normally.

Plus, there is another important aspect.

Its operational flexibility is far less than Samsung’s.

TFor the same task, you can do it easilyer on a Samsung because Samsung gives you many ways to do it.

But iIf you do it on the iPhone, you just have only fewer ways and it seems too stupidharder.

So farFor now, the iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which really shocked me extremely, and it looks like it’s hundreds of years behind.

Sorry, I'm not sure what "mechanical and original keystrokes" means. Are you talking about the sounds an iPhone makes while typing?

I can say for sure, if the iPhone goes this waycontinues in this direction, it will not last long.

Your sentence isn't wrong, just a bit unnatural.

In fact, it is no longer popular.

Feedback

Good work! Although I love my iPhone :)

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 17, 2020

0

So farFor now, the iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which really shocked me extremely, and it looks like it’s hundreds of years behind.

Iphone 11 pro max's mute key is still a mechanical key !

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 17, 2020

0

谢谢你的更正,对我帮助很大!

mrmatty's avatar
mrmatty

Aug. 17, 2020

0

Iphone 11 pro max's mute key is still a mechanical key !

I didn't know this! Very interesting

IiPhone

Let me talk about the iPhone.

The iPhone used to be very popular in China, and people were extremely proud to have one.

Some young people, in order to buy an ipPhone, even dared to sell theira kidney.

“a kidney” makes the sentence flow better.

What an extremely horrible thing!

But I never thought that the iPhone was really something! special.

It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserveit is worth that much money.

If talking about the iPhone itself you would say “I don’t think it is worth that much money” if talking about how you don’t think the company deserves that much money off the sales of iPhone’s then you would write “I don’t think Apple deserves that much money”

I really don’t know why so many people awere crazy about ithem in the past.

“Were” as we’re talking about the past.
“Them” as we’re talking about more than one person by default we’re talking about more than one phone.

TFor the same price, Samsung has a higher configuration and the same configuration Samsung has a lower pric. Samsung also has a phone at lower price with the same configuration as the iPhone.

The sentence flows more naturally this way.

In terms of software adoption, Samsung’s hasve very good performance and every software can work well with it.

“Samsung’s have” as we’re talking about Samsung phones are there are more than 1.

But as for the iPhone, most Aapps cadon’t adopt iapt well, especially the with the word size.ing.

They are very small and can’t be used normally.

Plus, there is another important aspect.

Its operational flexibility is far less than Samsung’s.

The same taskIf you were to perform the same task on both phones, you canould do it easily on a Samsung because Samsung gives you many ways. to do so.

But if you do it on the iPhone, you just have only fewer ways and it seems too stupid.

So far, the iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which shocked me extremely, and it looks like it’s hundreds of years behind.

I can say for sure, if the iPhone goes this way, it will not last long.

In fact, it is no longer popular.

Feedback

Good job! I’d recommend focusing on vocabulary for when it comes to things being singular and plural, but overall it was a well written piece.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 17, 2020

0

谢谢你的更正,对我帮助很大!

IPhone


IiPhone

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Let me talk about the iPhone.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The iPhone used to be very popular in China, and people were extremely proud to have one.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The iPhones used to be very popular in China, and people were extremely proud to have one.

I don't know why, but 'the iPhone' doesn't really fit here.

Some young people in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell their kidney.


Some young people, in order to buy an ipPhone, even dared to sell theira kidney.

“a kidney” makes the sentence flow better.

Some young people in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell their kidneys in order to buy an iPhone.

"people" is plural so "kidney" should be plural too. The clause "in order to buy an iPhone" was correct, but sounds more natural at the end of the sentence.

Some young people in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell their kidney in order to buy an iphone.

Some young people, in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell their kidney.

Some young people in order to buy an iphone, even dared to sell one of their kidneys in order to buy one.

Personally, I'd use 'get' instead of 'buy' in this situation, but that's nothing more than a preference of mine. 'One' since you've already established that iPhones are what you're talking about in the previous sentence. Also, personally, it's either 'one of their kidneys' (if they only dared to sell one) or 'their kidneys' (if they dared to sell both of their kidneys), but not 'their kidney'. Once again, it makes sense but doesn't sound natural.

What an extremely horrible thing!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

What an extremely horrible thing!

It makes sense, but it'd sound a lot more natural if you followed that up with a verb like so - 'What an extremely horrible thing to say!' or something to that effect. Also, in this case, 'extremely' would be superfluous and thus unnecessary. A shorter way of saying what you said would be 'How horrible!' Still, your sentence does make sense.

But I never thought that the iPhone was really something!


But I never thought that the iPhone was really something! special.

But I never thought that the iPhone was really something!

Traditionally, a conjunction ("but", "and", etc.) shouldn't start a sentence.

But I never thought that the iPhone was that really something!

But I never thought that the iPhone was really somethinganything special!

It feels a bit unnatural to use the phrase 'really something' here. The phrase 'Wow! That's really something!' is common, but it would be unusual to hear someone say that they DON'T think an object is 'really something'.

ButEven so, I never thought that the iPhone was really somethinganything special!

I'm being way too fastidious when I say this, but it's good practice to never start a sentence with a conjunction like 'but'; one way of getting around this is by using its synonym 'however'.

It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserve that much money.


It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserveit is worth that much money.

If talking about the iPhone itself you would say “I don’t think it is worth that much money” if talking about how you don’t think the company deserves that much money off the sales of iPhone’s then you would write “I don’t think Apple deserves that much money”

It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserveshould cost that much money.

"deserve" sounds weird for an object, it's usually used for people.

It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserveshould cost that much money.

It’s just an ordinary cellphone, and I don’t think they deserve that much moneyit justifies the high price.

'deserve' is reserved for when you talk about people, unless you're talking about praise or criticism or things like that, in which case it can be used for both people and objects.

I really don’t know why so many people are crazy about it in the past.


I really don’t know why so many people awere crazy about ithem in the past.

“Were” as we’re talking about the past. “Them” as we’re talking about more than one person by default we’re talking about more than one phone.

I really don’t know why so many people are crazy about it in the pastfirst place.

Good job! This is a good sentence. It just sounds more natural to use the idiom "first place" here.

I really don’t know why so many people awere crazy about it in the past.

I really don’t know why so many people arewent crazy about it in the past.

'Honestly' sounds better than 'really' in this situation, in my opinion, but that's just a preference. The verb following 'people' should be in the past tense cause of that reference to the past 'in the past'. 'To go crazy about something' means to fall in love with a product, an object, a fad, a concept etc.

The same price, Samsung has a higher configuration and the same configuration Samsung has a lower price.


TFor the same price, Samsung has a higher configuration and the same configuration Samsung has a lower pric. Samsung also has a phone at lower price with the same configuration as the iPhone.

The sentence flows more naturally this way.

TFor the same price, Samsung has a highbetter configuration and, or for the same configuration, Samsung has a lower price.

"features" might be better than "configuration" here.

TFor the same price, Samsung has a higher configuration and for the same configuration Samsung has a lower price.

The same price, Samsung has a higher configuration andfor the same configurationprice. OR Samsung chas a lower pricerges less for the same configuration.

TFor the same price, Samsung has a higher configurspecs (specifications) and the same configuration Samsung hasspecs at a lower price.

Assuming that the technical specifications (what processor, what hard drive) etc. is what is meant by "configuration".

In terms of software adoption, Samsung has very good performance and every software can work well with it.


In terms of software adoption, Samsung’s hasve very good performance and every software can work well with it.

“Samsung’s have” as we’re talking about Samsung phones are there are more than 1.

In terms of software adoptioncompatibility, Samsung has very good performance and everymost software can work well with it.

In terms of software adoptioncompatibility, Samsung has very good performance and every software can work well with it.

In terms of software adoption, Samsung has very good performance and every software ccompatibility, Samsung perfoms well and works well with itevery software.

But as for the iPhone, most Apps can’t adopt it well, especially the word size.


But as for the iPhone, most Aapps cadon’t adopt iapt well, especially the with the word size.ing.

But aAs for the iPhone, most Aapps can’t adopt itrun well, especially the word size.

But as for the iPhone, most Apps can’t adopt it well, especially the wordare compatible, especially with the font size.

But aAs for the iPhone, however, most Aapps can't adopt it well, especially the wordrun on it, especially because of the font size.

They are very small and can’t be used normally.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They areIt is very small and can’t be used normallyin day-to-day life.

I assume you are referring to the font size here, which is singular, so 'it is' should be used. 'day-to-day life' is better cause 'normally' suggests that the font size has to be used in a different way or something. 'day-to-day life' is a bit more specific.

Plus, there is another important aspect.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Plus, there is another important aspect to consider.

Again, I feel like this sentence would be more natural if you added a verb to the end, like 'to consider'.

Its operational flexibility is far less than Samsung’s.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Its operational flexibililty is far lessower than the Samsung’s.

The same task, you can do it easily on Samsung because Samsung gives you many ways.


The same taskIf you were to perform the same task on both phones, you canould do it easily on a Samsung because Samsung gives you many ways. to do so.

TFor the same task, you can do it easilyer on a Samsung because Samsung gives you many ways to do it.

The same task, you can do it easily on Samsung because Samsung givprovides you with many ways to achieve it.

The same task, you can do itYou can do the same task easily on Samsung because Samsung gives you many ways to do so.

The same task, you can do it easily onYou can easily do your work on a Samsung because Samsungit gives you many ways of doing it.

'the same task' is something you should use for contrast, as in 'If you try to do the same task on an iPhone, it doesn't hold up.' or something like that. 'task' doesn't really fit here. It's more natural for 'ways' to be followed by a verb than to not be.

But if you do it on the iPhone, you just have only fewer ways and it seems too stupid.


But if you do it on the iPhone, you just have only fewer ways and it seems too stupid.

But iIf you do it on the iPhone, you just have only fewer ways and it seems too stupidharder.

But if you want to do it on the iPhone, you just have only fewerhave a limited amount of ways and it seems too stupid.

But if you do it on the iPhone, you just have onlyhave fewer ways and it seems too stupid.

But if you do it on the iPhone, you just have onlytry to do the same on an iPhone, you have fewer ways, and it just seems toso stupid.

So far, the iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which shocked me extremely, and it looks like it’s hundreds of years behind.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

So farFor now, the iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which really shocked me extremely, and it looks like it’s hundreds of years behind.

Sorry, I'm not sure what "mechanical and original keystrokes" means. Are you talking about the sounds an iPhone makes while typing?

So far, tThe iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which shocked me extremely, and it looks like it’s hundreds of years behind.

So far, the iPhone still has a few mechanical and original keystrokes, which shocked me extremimmensely,; and it looks like it’s hundreds of years a result, it feels centuries behind.

What d'you mean by 'a few mechanical and original keystrokes'? Sorry, I couldn't get what you trying to say there.

I can say for sure, if the iPhone goes this way, it will not last long.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I can say for sure, if the iPhone goes this waycontinues in this direction, it will not last long.

Your sentence isn't wrong, just a bit unnatural.

I can say for sure, if the iPhone goes thicontinue its way, it will not last long.

I can say for sure, that if the iPhone goes this waycontinues like this, it will not last long.

I can say for sure,with certainty that if the iPhone goestays this way, it will not last long.

'stays' because it's the lack of change that is dooming iPhones to this fate.

In fact, it is no longer popular.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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