leonard's avatar
leonard

June 11, 2023

0
Introduction ( About me )

Now I'm 16 years old. I'm studying in a high school in Vietnam. I'm living with my family: my parents and my elder sister. In school, I'm very interested in Math, IT and English. Besides, I don't like physical education classes because I'm very bad at this subject. In my free time, I usually read comics, play games, watch films, listen to any kind of music and sometimes hang out with friends. Until now, my dream is one day I will become a game programmer ( because I like games anyways even though I guess that it's kinda hard to do it :)) ).

Corrections

Introduction ( About me )

Now I'm 16 years old.

The "now" doesn't add anything here, it's better to leave it off

I'm studying in a high school student in Vietnam.

Edited to sound more natural

I'm livinge with my family: my parents and my eolder sister.

"older" fits better than "elder" in this context

In school, I'm very interested in Mmath, IT and English.

IT and English need to be capitalized, but not math

BesidesOther than that, I don't like physical education classes because I'm very bad atin this subjectat area.

"Subject" is a better descriptor for something scholarly and specific (like math and English above)

UntilFor now, my dream is to one day I will become a game programmer ( because I like games anyways, even though I guess that it's kinda of hard to do it :)) ).

"Until now" implies that it was your dream before, but you changed your mind. If it is your current dream, "for now" works. Also, "kinda" is slang so it's fine to use casually but you don't want to use it in school or professionally. The correct equivalent is "kind of"

Feedback

Best of luck with your studies!

leonard's avatar
leonard

June 12, 2023

0

Thanks for your correction! Also, I'm very glad about your feedback :D

Introduction ( About me )


Introduction ( About me )

Now I'm 16 years old.


Now I'm 16 years old.

The "now" doesn't add anything here, it's better to leave it off

I'm studying in a high school in Vietnam.


I'm studying in a high school student in Vietnam.

Edited to sound more natural

I'm living with my family: my parents and my elder sister.


I'm livinge with my family: my parents and my eolder sister.

"older" fits better than "elder" in this context

In school, I'm very interested in Math, IT and English.


In school, I'm very interested in Mmath, IT and English.

IT and English need to be capitalized, but not math

Besides, I don't like physical education classes because I'm very bad at this subject.


BesidesOther than that, I don't like physical education classes because I'm very bad atin this subjectat area.

"Subject" is a better descriptor for something scholarly and specific (like math and English above)

In my free time, I usually read comics, play games, watch films, listen to any kind of music and sometimes hang out with friends.


Until now, my dream is one day I will become a game programmer ( because I like games anyways even though I guess that it's kinda hard to do it :)) ).


UntilFor now, my dream is to one day I will become a game programmer ( because I like games anyways, even though I guess that it's kinda of hard to do it :)) ).

"Until now" implies that it was your dream before, but you changed your mind. If it is your current dream, "for now" works. Also, "kinda" is slang so it's fine to use casually but you don't want to use it in school or professionally. The correct equivalent is "kind of"

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