lethanhhang's avatar
lethanhhang

Sept. 5, 2023

0
IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

For the majority of young individuals, shopping is their top choice leisure activity due to various reasons. In my opinion, it is crucial to motivate them to allocate time to more meaningful pursuits instead.


Several factors contribute to young people's preference for shopping during their free time. The act of acquiring new and desired items can trigger the release of dopamine and endorphins. This, in turn, creates feelings of satisfaction and pleasure. Additionally, through window shopping or online browsing, young individuals can discover the latest fashion, technology, or home decoration trends, explore diverse styles, and envision themselves incorporating these items into their lives. This exploration and anticipation can be mentally stimulating and enjoyable while diverting their attention away from the stresses and pressures of daily life. Collectively, these factors make shopping an attractive leisure activity for young individuals.

However, such preference should be discouraged/demotivated. When individuals engage in shopping regularly, they may become dependent and addicted to the pleasure created by the release of dopamine and endorphins. To satisfy this addiction, they may impulsively spend their hard-earned money on unnecessary items, which reduces the funds available for savings or investments that can ensure financial security. Impulsive purchases may also lead to overspending, accumulating credit card debt, and therefore, financial problems. Moreover, spending free time shopping is unproductive and does not contribute to a fulfilling and successful life in the long term. Consequently, individuals should instead engage in sports, fitness, educational pursuits, and other constructive activities that promote personal growth, physical well-being, and skill development.

In conclusion, while most young individuals prefer shopping during their free time to gain feelings of excitement, satisfaction, and happiness, along with a temporary escape from daily life's stressors and worries, this inclination should be dissuaded as it can lead to unproductive use of time and financial issues.

Corrections

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people.

Why do you think is that is?

Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

For the majority of young individuals, shopping is their top choice leisure activity due to various reasons.

In my opinion, it is crucial to motivate them to allocate time to more meaningful pursuits instead.

Several factors contribute to young people's preference for shopping during their free time.

The act of acquiring new and desired items can trigger the release of dopamine and endorphins.

This, in turn, creates feelings of satisfaction and pleasure.

Additionally, through window shopping or online browsing, young individuals can discover the latest fashion, technology, or home decoration trends, explore diverse styles, and envision themselves incorporating these items into their lives.

This exploration and anticipation can be mentally stimulating and enjoyable while diverting their attention away from the stresses and pressures of daily life.

Collectively, these factors make shopping an attractive leisure activity for young individuals.

However, such preference should be discouraged/demotivated.

When individuals engage in shopping regularly, they may become dependent and addicted to the pleasure created by the release of dopamine and endorphins.

To satisfy this addiction, they may impulsively spend their hard-earned money on unnecessary items, which reduces the funds available for savings or investments that can ensure financial security.

Impulsive purchases may also lead to overspending, accumulating credit card debt, and therefore, financial problems.

Moreover, spending free time shopping is unproductive and does not contribute to a fulfilling and successful life in the long term.

Consequently, individuals should instead engage in sports, fitness, educational pursuits, and other constructive activities that promote personal growth, physical well-being, and skill development.

In conclusion, while most young individuals prefer shopping during their free time to gain feelings of excitement, satisfaction, and happiness, along with a temporary escape from daily life's stressors and worries, this inclination should be dissuaded as it can lead to unproductive use of time and financial issues.

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Great job

lethanhhang's avatar
lethanhhang

Sept. 6, 2023

0

Thank you so much.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people.


Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people.

Why do you think is that?


Why do you think is that is?

Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

For the majority of young individuals, shopping is their top choice leisure activity due to various reasons.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In my opinion, it is crucial to motivate them to allocate time to more meaningful pursuits instead.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Several factors contribute to young people's preference for shopping during their free time.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The act of acquiring new and desired items can trigger the release of dopamine and endorphins.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This, in turn, creates feelings of satisfaction and pleasure.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Additionally, through window shopping or online browsing, young individuals can discover the latest fashion, technology, or home decoration trends, explore diverse styles, and envision themselves incorporating these items into their lives.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This exploration and anticipation can be mentally stimulating and enjoyable while diverting their attention away from the stresses and pressures of daily life.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Collectively, these factors make shopping an attractive leisure activity for young individuals.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

However, such preference should be discouraged/demotivated.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

When individuals engage in shopping regularly, they may become dependent and addicted to the pleasure created by the release of dopamine and endorphins.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

To satisfy this addiction, they may impulsively spend their hard-earned money on unnecessary items, which reduces the funds available for savings or investments that can ensure financial security.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Impulsive purchases may also lead to overspending, accumulating credit card debt, and therefore, financial problems.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Moreover, spending free time shopping is unproductive and does not contribute to a fulfilling and successful life in the long term.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Consequently, individuals should instead engage in sports, fitness, educational pursuits, and other constructive activities that promote personal growth, physical well-being, and skill development.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In conclusion, while most young individuals prefer shopping during their free time to gain feelings of excitement, satisfaction, and happiness, along with a temporary escape from daily life's stressors and worries, this inclination should be dissuaded as it can lead to unproductive use of time and financial issues.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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