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lethanhhang

Aug. 28, 2023

0
IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay

It is common practice for some students to take a gap year between high school and university in order to do charitable work abroad in an underdeveloped countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people of doing volunteer work?


Some high school graduates choose to do volunteer work abroad in underdeveloped countries before enrolling in university. This choice can present both advantages and disadvantages for them.


Volunteering abroad can offer numerous advantages for high school graduates. It often necessitates them to make decisions, both independently and as part of a team. One example is deciding how to distribute limited resources fairly and efficiently. These decisions hold tangible consequences for the individuals and communities they assist. This prompts them to think critically, carefully analyze issues, and assess the potential impacts in order to make informed choices. This process sharpens their decision-making and critical thinking abilities, empowering them to tackle intricate challenges they may face in various facets of their lives with greater proficiency. Volunteering overseas can also help them develop skills and qualities that are increasingly important in today’s globalized world. In particular, they can hone their cross-cultural communication skills through frequent interaction with people from diverse backgrounds. They can also develop cultural sensitivity, empathy, and adaptability. This is because, to provide meaningful assistance, they need to gain a deeper understanding of the needs and perspectives of the local community they aim to help and adjust their behaviors and expectations to align with this community’s cultural norms.



However, such an experience can also pose several challenges. After a year away from structured learning, high school graduates may experience a decline in their academic proficiency. They may also struggle to adjust to the demanding nature of higher education, especially if they have become accustomed to a more relaxed or experiential lifestyle during their volunteering period. These problems can have a negative impact on their academic performance. Additionally, being separated from their families can lead high school graduates becoming homesick. Difficulties in communication and relationship-building due to language barriers can make them feel isolated and lonely. They can also be overwhelmed by the abrupt shift in customs, values, language, and daily routines, feeling disorientation and anxiety. As a result, their mental health suffer.


In conclusion, taking a gap year between high school and university for overseas volunteering can foster the growth of decision-making, critical thinking, cross-cultural communication skills, as well as cultural sensitivity, empathy, and adaptability. However, it can also have adverse effects on emotional well-being and academic performance.

Corrections

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay

It is common practice for some students to take a gap year between high school and university in order to do charitable work abroad in an underdeveloped countries.

Some high school graduates choose to do volunteer work abroad in underdeveloped countries before enrolling in university.

This choice can present both advantages and disadvantages for them.

Volunteering abroad can offer numerous advantages for high school graduates.

You said basically the same thing already in the previous sentence.

It often necessitatforces them to make decisions, both independently and as part of a team.

One example is deciding how to distribute limited resources fairly and efficiently.

These decisions hold tangible consequences for the individuals and communities they assist.

This prompts them to think critically, carefully analyze issues, and assess the potential impacts of their actions in order to make informed choices.

This process sharpens their decision-making and critical thinking abilities, empowering them to tackle intricate challenges they may face in various facets of their lives with greater proficiconfidencye.

Using the word "proficiency" here sands unnatural.

Volunteering overseas can also help them develop skills and qualities that are increasingly important in today’s globalized world.

In particular, they can hone their cross-cultural communication skills through frequent interaction with people from diverse backgrounds.

They can also develop cultural sensitivity, empathy, and adaptability.

This is because, in order to provide meaningful assistance, they need to gain a deeper understanding of the needs and perspectives of the local community they aim to help and adjust their behaviors and expectations to align with thise community's cultural norms.

However, such an experience can also pose several challenges.

After a year away from structured learning, high school graduates may experience a decline in their academic proficiencability.

They may also struggle to adjust to the demanding nature of higher education, especially if they have become accustomed to a more relaxed or experiential lifestyle during their volunteering period.

These problems can have a negative impact on their academic performance.

Additionally, being separated from their families can lead to high school graduates becoming homesick.

Difficulties in communication and relationship-building due to language barriers can make them feel isolated and lonely.

They can also be overwhelmed by the abrupt shift in customs, values, language, and daily routines, leaving them feeling disorientation and anxietyous.

As a result, their mental health suffers.

In conclusion, taking a gap year between high school and university for overseas volunteering can foster the growth of decision-making, critical thinking, cross-cultural communication skills, as well as cultural sensitivity, empathy, and adaptability.

However, it can also have adverse effects on emotional well-being and academic performance.

lethanhhang's avatar
lethanhhang

Aug. 28, 2023

0

Volunteering abroad can offer numerous advantages for high school graduates.

Can I rewrite this sentence to:
Volunteering abroad can foster the development of several valuable qualities and skills.

lethanhhang's avatar
lethanhhang

Aug. 28, 2023

0

They can also be overwhelmed by the abrupt shift in customs, values, language, and daily routines, leaving them feeling disorientation and anxietyous.

Can I rewrite it to:
The abrupt shift in customs, values, language, and daily routines can overwhelm and leave them felling disorientation and anxious.

Also, is my essay coherent?


Are the ideas connected smoothly? Does the sentence flow well?

IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It is common practice for some students to take a gap year between high school and university in order to do charitable work abroad in an underdeveloped countries.


It is common practice for some students to take a gap year between high school and university in order to do charitable work abroad in an underdeveloped countries.

What are the advantages and disadvantages for young people of doing volunteer work?


Some high school graduates choose to do volunteer work abroad in underdeveloped countries before enrolling in university.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This choice can present both advantages and disadvantages for them.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Volunteering abroad can offer numerous advantages for high school graduates.


Volunteering abroad can offer numerous advantages for high school graduates.

You said basically the same thing already in the previous sentence.

It often necessitates them to make decisions, both independently and as part of a team.


It often necessitatforces them to make decisions, both independently and as part of a team.

One example is deciding how to distribute limited resources fairly and efficiently.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

These decisions hold tangible consequences for the individuals and communities they assist.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This prompts them to think critically, carefully analyze issues, and assess the potential impacts in order to make informed choices.


This prompts them to think critically, carefully analyze issues, and assess the potential impacts of their actions in order to make informed choices.

This process sharpens their decision-making and critical thinking abilities, empowering them to tackle intricate challenges they may face in various facets of their lives with greater proficiency.


This process sharpens their decision-making and critical thinking abilities, empowering them to tackle intricate challenges they may face in various facets of their lives with greater proficiconfidencye.

Using the word "proficiency" here sands unnatural.

Volunteering overseas can also help them develop skills and qualities that are increasingly important in today’s globalized world.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In particular, they can hone their cross-cultural communication skills through frequent interaction with people from diverse backgrounds.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They can also develop cultural sensitivity, empathy, and adaptability.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This is because, to provide meaningful assistance, they need to gain a deeper understanding of the needs and perspectives of the local community they aim to help and adjust their behaviors and expectations to align with this community’s cultural norms.


This is because, in order to provide meaningful assistance, they need to gain a deeper understanding of the needs and perspectives of the local community they aim to help and adjust their behaviors and expectations to align with thise community's cultural norms.

However, such an experience can also pose several challenges.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

After a year away from structured learning, high school graduates may experience a decline in their academic proficiency.


After a year away from structured learning, high school graduates may experience a decline in their academic proficiencability.

They may also struggle to adjust to the demanding nature of higher education, especially if they have become accustomed to a more relaxed or experiential lifestyle during their volunteering period.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

These problems can have a negative impact on their academic performance.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Additionally, being separated from their families can lead high school graduates becoming homesick.


Additionally, being separated from their families can lead to high school graduates becoming homesick.

Difficulties in communication and relationship-building due to language barriers can make them feel isolated and lonely.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They can also be overwhelmed by the abrupt shift in customs, values, language, and daily routines, feeling disorientation and anxiety.


They can also be overwhelmed by the abrupt shift in customs, values, language, and daily routines, leaving them feeling disorientation and anxietyous.

As a result, their mental health suffer.


As a result, their mental health suffers.

In conclusion, taking a gap year between high school and university for overseas volunteering can foster the growth of decision-making, critical thinking, cross-cultural communication skills, as well as cultural sensitivity, empathy, and adaptability.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

However, it can also have adverse effects on emotional well-being and academic performance.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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