Aug. 14, 2023
IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay.
Question:
Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing so?
Answer:
Numerous parents encourage their children to engage in part-time work during their free hours. This trend can bring both negative and positive consequences for these young individuals.
Engaging in a part-time employment during leisure periods can contribute to children’ personal and professional development. First, such an experience can instill vital traits such as punctuality, responsibility, and a strong work ethic, as children have to arrive at work on time, meet scheduled shifts, and fulfill their obligations consistently. They also have to interact with customers, colleagues, and supervisors, which can improve their interpersonal and communication skills. These qualities and skills are crucial in both personal and professional settings. Second, part-time jobs provide children with early exposure to the expectations, responsibilities, and dynamics of the workplace. This can familiarize them with the real-world work environment, preparing them for future career.
However, such engagement can also negatively impact children’s academics, mental well-being, and overall life satisfaction. The significant allocation of time and energy to part-time jobs can erode the availability for studying, completing assignments, and participating in educational-enriching endeavors. This can adversely affect their scholastic performance and long-term academic success. Such commitments can also limit children's opportunities for leisure pursuits, hobbies, and quality time with family and friends, all of which are crucial for relaxation and unwinding. This absence can lead to stress and burnout, harming their mental health. Moreover, the premature imposition of work-related obligations and adult responsibilities deprives children of the privilege to relish their youth and develop at their natural pace This robs them of a carefree childhood experience, leading to a sense of emotional voids that could impact their overall life contentment.
In conclusion, part-time job experiences can help children develop several valuable qualities and competencies while preparing them for later professional life. Nevertheless, they can also undermine children’s education achievements, emotional health, and overall life fulfilment.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay.
This is not a sentence, so it doesn’t need a period.
Question: Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing so?
Answer: Numerous parents encourage their children to engage in part-time work during their free hours.
This trend can bring both negative and positive consequences for these young individuals.
Engaging in a part-time employment during leisure periods can contribute to children’s personal and professional development.
First, such an experience can instill vital traits such as punctuality, responsibility, and a strong work ethic,; as children have to arrive at work on time, meet scheduled shifts, and fulfill their obligations consistently.
When you have lists inside of phrases that must be separated by commas, the list items are separated with commas, and the phrases are separated with a semi-colon.
They also have to interact with customers, colleagues, and supervisors,; which can improve their interpersonal and communication skills.
Same as above!
These qualities and skills are crucial in both personal and professional settings.
This can familiarize them with the real-world work environment, preparing them for their future careers.
However, such engagementpart-time work can also negatively impact children’s academics, mental well-being, and overall life satisfaction.
“Such engagement” doesn’t really sound natural, so I changed it a bit.
The significant allocation of time and energy to part-time jobs can erode the availabilitydecrease the amount of time they have for studying, completing assignments, and participating in educational-enriching endeavors.
I understand what you were saying, but your chosen phrasing was a bit unnatural.
This can adversely affect their scholastic performance and long-term academic success.
Such commitments can also limit children's opportunities for leisure pursuits, hobbies, and quality time with family and friends, all of which are crucial for relaxation and unwinding.
This absence can lead to stress and burnout, harming their mental health.
Moreover, the premature imposition of work-related obligations and adult responsibilities deprives children of the privilege to relish their youth and develop at their natural pace. This robs them of a carefree childhood experience, leading to a sense of emotional voidloss that could impact their overall life contentment.
In conclusion, part-time job experiences can help children develop several valuable qualities and competencies while preparing them for later professional life.
NHowevertheless, they can also undermine children’s education achievements, emotional health, and overall life fulfilment.
I feel like “nevertheless” feels a bit unusual here, but maybe some other native speakers would disagree.
Aug. 15, 2023
Thank you very much for your detailed review. It is of great help to me.
Question: Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing so?
Answer: Numerous parents encourage their children to engage in part-time work during their free hours.
This trend can bring both negative and positive consequences for these young individuals.
Engaging in a part-time employment during leisure periods can contribute to children’s personal and professional development.
You don't generally use an indefinite article with the word "employment."
First, such an experience can instill vital traits such as punctuality, responsibility, and a strong work ethic, as children have to arrive at work on time, meet scheduled shifts, and fulfill their obligations consistently.
They also have to interact with customers, colleagues, and supervisors, which can improve their interpersonal and communication skills.
These qualities and skills are crucial in both personal and professional settings.
Second, part-time jobs provide children with early exposure to the expectations, responsibilities, and dynamics of the workplace.
This can familiarize them with the real-world work environment, preparing them for a future career.
On the other hand, "career" generally needs an article or a possessive pronoun.
The significant allocation of time and energy to part-time jobs can erode the availability for studying, completing assignments, and participating in educational-enriching endeavors.
Such commitments can also limit children's opportunities for leisure pursuits, hobbies, and quality time with family and friends, all of which are crucial for relaxation and unwinding.
This absence can lead to stress and burnout, harming their mental health.
Moreover, the premature imposition of work-related obligations and adult responsibilities deprives children of the privilege to relish their youth and develop at their natural pace. This robs them of a carefree childhood experience, leading to a sense ofn emotional voids that could impact their overall life contentment.
A missing period. I couldn't figure out a way to get "a sense of" to work with "emotional void." You could also say "a sense of loss."
In conclusion, part-time job experiences can help children develop several valuable qualities and competencies while preparing them for later professional life.
Nevertheless, they can also undermine children’s education achievements, emotional health, and overall life fulfilment.
Feedback
This is so good!
Aug. 15, 2023
Thank you so much for your detailed review. It is of great help to me.
Aug. 15, 2023
You are most welcome!
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IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay. IELTS Writing Task 2 Essay This is not a sentence, so it doesn’t need a period. |
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Question: Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing so? This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Answer: Numerous parents encourage their children to engage in part-time work during their free hours. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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This trend can bring both negative and positive consequences for these young individuals. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Engaging in a part-time employment during leisure periods can contribute to children’ personal and professional development. Engaging in You don't generally use an indefinite article with the word "employment." Engaging in |
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First, such an experience can instill vital traits such as punctuality, responsibility, and a strong work ethic, as children have to arrive at work on time, meet scheduled shifts, and fulfill their obligations consistently. This sentence has been marked as perfect! First, such an experience can instill vital traits such as punctuality, responsibility, and a strong work ethic When you have lists inside of phrases that must be separated by commas, the list items are separated with commas, and the phrases are separated with a semi-colon. |
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They also have to interact with customers, colleagues, and supervisors, which can improve their interpersonal and communication skills. This sentence has been marked as perfect! They also have to interact with customers, colleagues, and supervisors Same as above! |
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These qualities and skills are crucial in both personal and professional settings. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Second, part-time jobs provide children with early exposure to the expectations, responsibilities, and dynamics of the workplace. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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This can familiarize them with the real-world work environment, preparing them for future career. This can familiarize them with the real-world work environment, preparing them for a future career. On the other hand, "career" generally needs an article or a possessive pronoun. This can familiarize them with the real-world work environment, preparing them for their future careers. |
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However, such engagement can also negatively impact children’s academics, mental well-being, and overall life satisfaction. However, “Such engagement” doesn’t really sound natural, so I changed it a bit. |
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The significant allocation of time and energy to part-time jobs can erode the availability for studying, completing assignments, and participating in educational-enriching endeavors. This sentence has been marked as perfect! The significant allocation of time and energy to part-time jobs can I understand what you were saying, but your chosen phrasing was a bit unnatural. |
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This can adversely affect their scholastic performance and long-term academic success. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Such commitments can also limit children's opportunities for leisure pursuits, hobbies, and quality time with family and friends, all of which are crucial for relaxation and unwinding. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
This absence can lead to stress and burnout, harming their mental health. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Moreover, the premature imposition of work-related obligations and adult responsibilities deprives children of the privilege to relish their youth and develop at their natural pace This robs them of a carefree childhood experience, leading to a sense of emotional voids that could impact their overall life contentment. Moreover, the premature imposition of work-related obligations and adult responsibilities deprives children of the privilege to relish their youth and develop at their natural pace. This robs them of a carefree childhood experience, leading to a A missing period. I couldn't figure out a way to get "a sense of" to work with "emotional void." You could also say "a sense of loss." Moreover, the premature imposition of work-related obligations and adult responsibilities deprives children of the privilege to relish their youth and develop at their natural pace. This robs them of a carefree childhood experience, leading to a sense of |
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In conclusion, part-time job experiences can help children develop several valuable qualities and competencies while preparing them for later professional life. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Nevertheless, they can also undermine children’s education achievements, emotional health, and overall life fulfilment. This sentence has been marked as perfect!
I feel like “nevertheless” feels a bit unusual here, but maybe some other native speakers would disagree. |
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