Dec. 12, 2022
(Please give me some advice on the essay or even refine the sentences. Thank you.)
(Topic: Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?)
_____
Due to the rapid development of communication applications, it has noticeably enhanced the convenience of chatting and meeting. Some people, however, think this kind of improvement in technology may negatively affect the relationships between friends, families and even the whole society. I agree with this viewpoint.
To begin with, although the smartphones and communicating applications allow people to connect with someone else at anywhere and in anytime, it may result in a huge problem that people cannot leave without the mobile for fear that they may loss any message. This makes them feel difficult to concentrate on their work so that they make mistakes. Also, it is likely that they talk on the cellphone or text somebody while driving or walking, which is one of the common reasons of car accidents.
Secondly, the communicating apps may be abused by scam groups or people with bad intentions. In other words, it is possible to be scammed by crime groups because of the anonymity in the virtual world. Some of the young children and careless adults might be fooled by evil people that may cost them an arm or a leg, even worse, they may put themselves into horrible situations. For instance, they may be intimidated because they gave intimate pictures to bad guys.
Last but not least, the use of this technology may weaken the ability of communication face-to-face because people are getting used to have some time to think about what to reply when receiving messages. Some people may even forget the right spelling or correct grammar as the frequent usage of abbreviations.
All in all, modern communication technology might be a wonderful way to connect with others, though it has some drawbacks that people have to take into account before using it.
IELTS Writing Practice 5
(Please give me some advice on the essay or even refine the sentences. Thank you. )
(Topic: Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree? )
_____
Due to the rapid development of communication applications, it has noticeably enhanced the convenience of chatting and meeting.
Some people, however, think this kind of improvement in technology may negatively affect the relationships between friends, families and even the whole society.
you could also say: and even society as a whole. or omit "even".
I agree with this viewpoint.
To begin withFirstly, although the smartphones and communicationg applications allow people to connect with someone else atothers anywhere and in anytime, it may result in a huge problem thatwhere people cannot leave without the ir (mobile) phones for fear that they may lomiss any message.
This feels more natural to me. When writing for a test, we want to be as concise but meaningful as possible. therefore, firstly is more concise than "to begin with", but still gets the meaning across.
This makes ithem feel difficult for them to concentrate on their work so that. So, they make mistakes.
Also, it isthey are likely that theyo talk on their cellphones or text somebodypeople while driving or walking, which is one of thea common reasons of for car accidents.
Secondly, the communicationg apps may be abused by scam groups or people with bad intentions.
the reason why I keep changing it from communicating apps is that I feel like this sounds like apps that are communicating with other apps. rather, communication apps are apps where people communicate. or you could just say SMS or social media.
In other words, it is possible to be scammed by crime groups because of the anonymity in the virtual world.
Some of the young children and careless adults might be fooled by evil people that, which may cost them an arm or a leg, e. Even worse, they may put themselves into horrible situations.
You don't want to make the sentence too long. I think it's better to break it into two sentences. This is only the case for writing for a test. If you're just writing casually like text messaging, it doesn't matter.
For instance, theysome may be intimidated because they gaveinto giving intimate pictures to bad guys.
Last but not least, the use of this technology may weaken the ability of to talk (communicatione) face-to-face because people are getting used to haveing some time to think about what to reply to when receiving messages.
I notice the word "communicate" comes up a lot. It's good to limit using the same word over and over. A synonym works when you don't want to sound completely repetitive.
Some people may even forget the right spelling or correct grammar asbecause of the frequent usage of abbreviations.
All in all, modern communication technology might be a wonderful way to connect with others, yet (though) it has some drawbacks that people have to take into account before using it.
Feedback
Great job. You will do great on the test.
IELTS Writing Practice 5
(Please give me some advice on the essay or even refine the sentences. Thank you. )
(Topic: Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree? )
_____
Due to the rapid development of communication applications, it has noticeably enhanced the convenience of chatting and meeting.
Some people, however, think this kind of improvement in technology may negatively affect the relationships between friends, families and even the whole societyof society in general.
I agree with this viewpoint.
To begin with, although the smartphones and communicating applications allow people to connect with someone else at anywhere and in any time, it may result in a huge problem thats where people cannotwill not want to leave home without ithe mobile for fear that they may lomiss any message.
This makes ithem feel difficult for people to concentrate on their work so that they make mistakes.
Also, it is likely that theya common occurrence where people talk on thea cellphone or text somebody while driving or walking, which is one of the most common reasons ofor car accidents.
Secondly, the communicating apps may be abused by scam groups or people with bad intentions.
In other words, it is possible to be scammed by crime groups because of the anonymity inof the virtual world.
Some of the young children and careless adults might be fooled by evil people that may cost them an arm or a leg or, even worse, they may put themselves into horrible situations.
For instance, they may be intimidated because they gave intimate pictures to bad guys.
Last but not least, the use of this technology may weaken the ability of face-to-face communication face-to-face because people are getting used to haveing some time to think about what to reply when receiving messages.
Some people may even forget the right spelling or correct grammar asbecause of the frequent usage of abbreviations.
All in all, modern communication technology might be a wonderful way to connect with others, though it has some drawbacks that people have to take into account before using it.
Feedback
Good work!
IELTS Writing Practice 5 This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
(Please give me some advice on the essay or even refine the sentences. Thank you. ) (Please give me This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
(Topic: Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree? ) (Topic: Many people think modern communication technology is having This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
_____ This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
Due to the rapid development of communication applications, it has noticeably enhanced the convenience of chatting and meeting. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
Some people, however, think this kind of improvement in technology may negatively affect the relationships between friends, families and even the whole society. Some people, however, think this kind of improvement in technology may negatively affect the relationships between friends, families and Some people, however, think this kind of improvement in technology may negatively affect the relationships between friends, families and even the whole society. you could also say: and even society as a whole. or omit "even". |
I agree with this viewpoint. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
To begin with, although the smartphones and communicating applications allow people to connect with someone else at anywhere and in anytime, it may result in a huge problem that people cannot leave without the mobile for fear that they may loss any message. To begin with, although
This feels more natural to me. When writing for a test, we want to be as concise but meaningful as possible. therefore, firstly is more concise than "to begin with", but still gets the meaning across. |
This makes them feel difficult to concentrate on their work so that they make mistakes. This makes it This makes it |
Also, it is likely that they talk on the cellphone or text somebody while driving or walking, which is one of the common reasons of car accidents. Also, it is Also, |
Secondly, the communicating apps may be abused by scam groups or people with bad intentions. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Secondly, the communication the reason why I keep changing it from communicating apps is that I feel like this sounds like apps that are communicating with other apps. rather, communication apps are apps where people communicate. or you could just say SMS or social media. |
In other words, it is possible to be scammed by crime groups because of the anonymity in the virtual world. In other words, it is possible to be scammed by crime groups because of the anonymity This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
Some of the young children and careless adults might be fooled by evil people that may cost them an arm or a leg, even worse, they may put themselves into horrible situations. Some Some of the young children and careless adults might be fooled by evil people You don't want to make the sentence too long. I think it's better to break it into two sentences. This is only the case for writing for a test. If you're just writing casually like text messaging, it doesn't matter. |
For instance, they may be intimidated because they gave intimate pictures to bad guys. This sentence has been marked as perfect! For instance, |
Last but not least, the use of this technology may weaken the ability of communication face-to-face because people are getting used to have some time to think about what to reply when receiving messages. Last but not least, the use of this technology may weaken the ability of face-to-face communication Last but not least, the use of this technology may weaken the ability I notice the word "communicate" comes up a lot. It's good to limit using the same word over and over. A synonym works when you don't want to sound completely repetitive. |
Some people may even forget the right spelling or correct grammar as the frequent usage of abbreviations. Some people may even forget the right spelling or correct grammar Some people may even forget the right spelling or correct grammar |
All in all, modern communication technology might be a wonderful way to connect with others, though it has some drawbacks that people have to take into account before using it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! All in all, modern communication technology might be a wonderful way to connect with others, yet (though) it has some drawbacks that people have to take into account before using it. |
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