Some people, however, think this kind of improvement in technology may negatively affect the relationships between friends, families and even the whole society.

you could also say: and even society as a whole. or omit "even".

To begin withFirstly, although the smartphones and communicationg applications allow people to connect with someone else atothers anywhere and in anytime, it may result in a huge problem thatwhere people cannot leave without the ir (mobile) phones for fear that they may lomiss any message.

This feels more natural to me. When writing for a test, we want to be as concise but meaningful as possible. therefore, firstly is more concise than "to begin with", but still gets the meaning across.

This makes ithem feel difficult for them to concentrate on their work so that. So, they make mistakes.

Also, it isthey are likely that theyo talk on their cellphones or text somebodypeople while driving or walking, which is one of thea common reasons of for car accidents.

Secondly, the communicationg apps may be abused by scam groups or people with bad intentions.

the reason why I keep changing it from communicating apps is that I feel like this sounds like apps that are communicating with other apps. rather, communication apps are apps where people communicate. or you could just say SMS or social media.

Some of the young children and careless adults might be fooled by evil people that, which may cost them an arm or a leg, e. Even worse, they may put themselves into horrible situations.

You don't want to make the sentence too long. I think it's better to break it into two sentences. This is only the case for writing for a test. If you're just writing casually like text messaging, it doesn't matter.

For instance, theysome may be intimidated because they gaveinto giving intimate pictures to bad guys.

Last but not least, the use of this technology may weaken the ability of to talk (communicatione) face-to-face because people are getting used to haveing some time to think about what to reply to when receiving messages.

I notice the word "communicate" comes up a lot. It's good to limit using the same word over and over. A synonym works when you don't want to sound completely repetitive.

Some people may even forget the right spelling or correct grammar asbecause of the frequent usage of abbreviations.

All in all, modern communication technology might be a wonderful way to connect with others, yet (though) it has some drawbacks that people have to take into account before using it.

(Please give me some advice on the essay or even refine the sentences. Thank you. )

(Topic: Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree? )

Some people, however, think this kind of improvement in technology may negatively affect the relationships between friends, families and even the whole societyof society in general.

To begin with, although the smartphones and communicating applications allow people to connect with someone else at anywhere and in any time, it may result in a huge problem thats where people cannotwill not want to leave home without ithe mobile for fear that they may lomiss any message.

This makes ithem feel difficult for people to concentrate on their work so that they make mistakes.

Also, it is likely that theya common occurrence where people talk on thea cellphone or text somebody while driving or walking, which is one of the most common reasons ofor car accidents.

In other words, it is possible to be scammed by crime groups because of the anonymity inof the virtual world.

Some of the young children and careless adults might be fooled by evil people that may cost them an arm or a leg or, even worse, they may put themselves into horrible situations.

Last but not least, the use of this technology may weaken the ability of face-to-face communication face-to-face because people are getting used to haveing some time to think about what to reply when receiving messages.

Some people may even forget the right spelling or correct grammar asbecause of the frequent usage of abbreviations.