As the rapid growth of technology and techniquesprocedures continues to advance, the income gap between the rich and the poor becomes dramatically hubigger.

The message up till the first comma is an incomplete idea, I have entered what I think would complete the idea.

Therefore, I believe that the average health standard of thestandard health average of humans will remain unchanged or improve slightly better.

The statement sounded akward so I reworded it to what I think is more appropriate.

I would like to divide this idea into three perspectives.

What is being divided into three perpectives should be clarified.

First of all, the noticeable improvements in the medicines and vaccines make people less vulnerable to bacterias and viruses, which extend their lives and become healthier.

Unless only one improvement or vaccine is being talked about, these items should be made plural. If they are singular, then an 'a' should be added in front of each one and change 'and' to 'or'. 'vulnerable to a bacteria or a virus'

Secondly, thanks to the rising awareness of health issues, more and more people of all ages are starting to think about their calories intake and ingredients they are consuming.

Unclear what 'the calories' means. I added in some corrections.

For instance, they may choose to eat originalwhole food instead of food that being manufactured or processed.

I think you are trying to say food in their original form, try saying 'whole food' which is more commonly said.

Also, because of social media applications, theypeople in general are more concerned withabout their body weight and shape.

It was unclear who 'they' are in the statement.

To remain fitness, they would, people like to go to the gym or do different kinds of exercises, which can definitely enhance their health standard.

Fitness is a general attribute, remaining fit is a more specific term as it is expressed here. Again, who 'they' refers to should be clarified.

Lastly, the education related to hygiene and sanitation improves the knowledge part, which makes the society a safer place to live in when it comes to the pandemic or the flu season.

knowledge is generally plural so improve should be plural.

More people get toare following the guidance and restrictions of the government to protect the country, such as wearing a mask orand avoiding to gogoing to crowded places.

I think people are following these items, but using 'or' in the sentence seems to be saying they only do one or the other.

However, some people cannot afford the cost on fresh ingredients or meals thatso they can only order junk foods or meals containeding high amounts of salt, sugar and fat.

The consumption in the long run of the beforementioned may lead to loads of health concerns, such as diabetes and cardio diseases.

The consumtion of what? I added 'of the beforementioned' to clarify what is being talked about.

Also, they may be unable to use the medical services or see thea doctor when they are sick or ill sincbecause they live in remote areas, not to mention their access to the smartphones and technology.

All in all, I consider the average health standard in average may remain unchanged asbecause some people are willing and able to becommake healthier choices while others may not want to or can't affordable to pursue healthier livfe styles.

IELTS wWriting pPractice

As the rapid growth of technology and techniqueechnology rapidly grows, the income gap between the rich and the poor become dramatically huge.

Therefore, I believe that the average health standard of the humanpeople will remain unchanged or become slightly better.

I would like to divide into three perspectives.

This sentence is unnecessary so I deleted it.

First of all, the noticeable improvement in the medicine and vaccines make people less vulnerable to bacteria and viruses, which extend their lives and becomallow them to live healthier.

Secondly, thanks to the rising awareness of health issues, more and more people of all ages are starting to think about the calories and ingredients they are consuming.

For instance, they may choose to eat originalfresh food instead of food that beinghas been manufactured or processed.

To remain fitness, they would like toill go to the gym or do different kinds of exercises, which can definitely enhance their health standard.

Lastly, the education related to hygiene and sanitation improves the knowledge part, which makes the society a safer place in which to live in when it comes to the pandemic or the flu season.

More people get towill follow the guidance and restrictions of the government to protect the country, such as wearing a mask or avoiding to gogoing to crowded places.

However, some peopleSome people, however, cannot afford the cost onf fresh ingredients or meals so that they can only order junk foods or meals which contained high amounts of salt, sugar and fat.

We avoid beginning a sentence with the word, "however."

Theis kind of consumption in the long run may lead to loads ofmany health concerns, such as diabetes and cardioheart diseases.

"Loads" is slang so I changed it to something more suitable for a writing assignment.

Also, they may be unable to use the medical services or see thea doctor when they are sick or ill sincbecause they live in remote areas, not to mention the and thus have no access to the smartphones and technology.

All in all, I consider thbelieve the average health standard in average may remain unchanged as some people are willing and able to become healthier while others may not want to or cannot affordable to pursue healthier lives.