shimei's avatar
shimei

March 9, 2022

0
IELTS T2 practice (1)

topic:
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.


my task:
General life expectancy is longer than before in the developed counties. As the birth rate discreasing, the countries will get into an ageing society which has no benefit with the countries. Encouraging more young couple to have more children and producing more itelligent robots would help to solve the ageing problem.
It is true that people can expect to live longer than ever before in developed counties. There will be various problems sucequent of the longer life expectancy, while there could be many methods to help with the influence of ageing populations.
Here are the disadvantages of the increasing expectancy for both citizens and the countries. For citizens, as people get older, it is possible that they will suffer more disease such as different types of cancer and heart attack. For example, my grandmother died because of stomach cance when she was 84 years old. I watched she undergong a mount of pain in her last 3 years but can do nothing, which made me feel useless. As for the society, the workforce of the whole society would be discrease as more experienced get retired, meanwhile the birth rate is dropping in particular. Young people would take more responsibility of their work and families, which may be more stressful for them.
In my opinion, there will be several ways to cope with the influence of ageing populations. Firstly, governments should subsidising more families to have more children. For instance, they can provide more nurseries and financial support to help reduce the stress of parents. Secondly, companies especially IT technology companies can try to produce more intelligent robots to take care of the elder people. It is fairly successful in Japan.
In conclusion, it could probably be many consequences as more people live a longer life in the developed countries, but there still will be a lot of methods to deal with the problems of gaeing populations.

Corrections

IELTS T2 practice (1)

tTopic:

I think you meant to stylize this, but in places where you can't use stylistic fonts or art it is better to follow standard grammar rules.

In the developed world, average life expectancy ikeeps increasing.

This sound odd to me, but I can't explain why. You could also change it to "Average life expectancy is increasing in the developed world" if you want to preserve the original meaning.

What problems will this cause for individuals and society?

Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

mMy taskanswer:

General life expectancy is longer than ever before in the developed counties.

"Ever before" makes it slightly more natural sounding here. Many essays also tend to have "ever before" instead of before in the opening line.

As the birth rate disecreasing, thees, countries will get intoenter an ageing society which has no benefit with the countriesfor them.

Encouraging more young couples to have more children and producing more intelligent robots would help to solve the ageing problem.

I would use "could" instead of "would" here, personally.

It is true that people can expect to live longer than ever before in developed countries.

Don't use "ever" here if you use it in the opening sentence. Also, this sentence is redundant and states something already said.

There will be various problems sucbsequent of the longer life expectancy, while there could be many methods to help with the influence of ageing populations.

This sentence is unclear. I don't understand what you were trying to say here.

Here are the disadvantages of the increasing expectancy for both citizens and the countries.:

For citizens, as people get older, it is possible that they will suffer from more diseases such as different types of cancers and heart attack.

For example, my grandmother died because of stomach cancer when she was 84 years old.

I watched she undergong a r go through a tremendous amount of pain in her last 3 years, but canould do nothing, which made me feel useless.

As for the society, the workforce ofn the whole society would be discrease as more experienced getwould decrease as more working people retired, meanwhile the birth rate is dropping in particularcontinues to drop.

Not sure what you meant by "in particular".

Young people would take on much more responsibility of their work and families, which may be more stressful for them.

In my opinion, there will be several ways to cope with the influenceeffects of ageing populations.

Firstly, governments should subsidisinge more families to have more children.

I think this line is redundant too.

For instance, they can provide more nurseries and financial support to help reduce the stress of parents.

Secondly, companies, especially IT technology companies can try to produce more intelligent robots to take care of the elder people.

IT = Information Technology, so technology would be redundant.

It is fairly successful in Japan.

In conclusion, it could probably bhave many consequences as more people live a longer life in the developed countries, but there stwill wstill be a lot of methods to deal with the problems of agaeing populations.

Feedback

Try to not repeat your statements.

About the spelling of "aging". While "ageing" is also correct, I have very rarely seen it in usage. If you decide to use "ageing" instead of aging, you will have to make sure you stick to UK standards of English and change wherever necessary, like words that use -ize instead of -ise.

Maybe this will be useful -
https://www.tysto.com/uk-us-spelling-list.html

shimei's avatar
shimei

March 9, 2022

0

Thank you. I got the topic online, it uses the word 'ageing', so I prefer to use it like that.

IELTS T2 practice (1)


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

topic:


tTopic:

I think you meant to stylize this, but in places where you can't use stylistic fonts or art it is better to follow standard grammar rules.

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing.


In the developed world, average life expectancy ikeeps increasing.

This sound odd to me, but I can't explain why. You could also change it to "Average life expectancy is increasing in the developed world" if you want to preserve the original meaning.

What problems will this cause for individuals and society?


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.


Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

my task:


mMy taskanswer:

General life expectancy is longer than before in the developed counties.


General life expectancy is longer than ever before in the developed counties.

"Ever before" makes it slightly more natural sounding here. Many essays also tend to have "ever before" instead of before in the opening line.

As the birth rate discreasing, the countries will get into an ageing society which has no benefit with the countries.


As the birth rate disecreasing, thees, countries will get intoenter an ageing society which has no benefit with the countriesfor them.

Encouraging more young couple to have more children and producing more itelligent robots would help to solve the ageing problem.


Encouraging more young couples to have more children and producing more intelligent robots would help to solve the ageing problem.

I would use "could" instead of "would" here, personally.

It is true that people can expect to live longer than ever before in developed counties.


It is true that people can expect to live longer than ever before in developed countries.

Don't use "ever" here if you use it in the opening sentence. Also, this sentence is redundant and states something already said.

There will be various problems sucequent of the longer life expectancy, while there could be many methods to help with the influence of ageing populations.


There will be various problems sucbsequent of the longer life expectancy, while there could be many methods to help with the influence of ageing populations.

This sentence is unclear. I don't understand what you were trying to say here.

Here are the disadvantages of the increasing expectancy for both citizens and the countries.


Here are the disadvantages of the increasing expectancy for both citizens and the countries.:

For citizens, as people get older, it is possible that they will suffer more disease such as different types of cancer and heart attack.


For citizens, as people get older, it is possible that they will suffer from more diseases such as different types of cancers and heart attack.

For example, my grandmother died because of stomach cance when she was 84 years old.


For example, my grandmother died because of stomach cancer when she was 84 years old.

I watched she undergong a mount of pain in her last 3 years but can do nothing, which made me feel useless.


I watched she undergong a r go through a tremendous amount of pain in her last 3 years, but canould do nothing, which made me feel useless.

As for the society, the workforce of the whole society would be discrease as more experienced get retired, meanwhile the birth rate is dropping in particular.


As for the society, the workforce ofn the whole society would be discrease as more experienced getwould decrease as more working people retired, meanwhile the birth rate is dropping in particularcontinues to drop.

Not sure what you meant by "in particular".

Young people would take more responsibility of their work and families, which may be more stressful for them.


Young people would take on much more responsibility of their work and families, which may be more stressful for them.

In my opinion, there will be several ways to cope with the influence of ageing populations.


In my opinion, there will be several ways to cope with the influenceeffects of ageing populations.

Firstly, governments should subsidising more families to have more children.


Firstly, governments should subsidisinge more families to have more children.

I think this line is redundant too.

For instance, they can provide more nurseries and financial support to help reduce the stress of parents.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Secondly, companies especially IT technology companies can try to produce more intelligent robots to take care of the elder people.


Secondly, companies, especially IT technology companies can try to produce more intelligent robots to take care of the elder people.

IT = Information Technology, so technology would be redundant.

It is fairly successful in Japan.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In conclusion, it could probably be many consequences as more people live a longer life in the developed countries, but there still will be a lot of methods to deal with the problems of gaeing populations.


In conclusion, it could probably bhave many consequences as more people live a longer life in the developed countries, but there stwill wstill be a lot of methods to deal with the problems of agaeing populations.

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