Phuocle2000's avatar
Phuocle2000

Dec. 24, 2024

1
Ielts General_writing task 1

You are not satisfied with the changing rooms in a sports centre that you visit. Write a letter to the sports center manager. In your letter
• Explain the problem
• Say how you feel about this problem
• And say what steps you would like the manager to take.


"Dear Mango Center’s Manager,

My name is David Le. I have been a customer of your center for almost 2 years and was quite satisfied with your service at the beginning; however, there are some things that make me feel uncomfortable while using your service recently, especially the changing rooms.

They are quite dirty and have no hanger to hang up clothes; it is very inconvenient for me when changing clothes. I mentioned this problem with the center’s staff sometimes, but there was no action to be taken.

It makes me feel so uncomfortable and disrespectful, so I am writing this email to let you know my feedback and hope that you will solve this problem. Please make sure the rooms are always kept clean and equipped with a new hanger. That is the basic thing that a center must commit to providing for its customers who pay such a high amount of membership fee monthly.

If there is still no action to be taken, I must change the sports center starting from next month.

I hope you have got it and solve the problem as soon as possible.
Sincerely,

Thank you!"

Corrections

I have been a customer of your center for almost 2 years and was quite satisfied with your service at the beginning; however, there are some things that make me feel uncomfortable while using your service recently, especifically the changing rooms.

I mentioned this problem with the center’s staff sometimes, but there was no action to be taken, but they did not do anything about it.

Removed "sometimes" so your email sounds more direct
Changed to active voice to emphasize the staff didn't do anything

It makes me feel so uncomfortable and disrespectfuled, so I am writing this email to let you know my feedback and hope that you will solve this problem.

That is thea basic thing that a center must commit to providing for its, considering your customers who pay such a high amount ofhly membership fee monthly.

Original sentence is ok, I just rewrote it to be more concise

If there is still no action to be taken, I must change thewill be changing my sports center starting from next month.

I hope you have got it andunderstand and can solve the problem as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Thank you!"


[Your Name]

Feedback

Good email!

YConsider the situation where you are not satisfied with the changing rooms in a sports centre that you visit.

Some introduction makes this smoother

WOne option is to rite a letter to the sports center manager.

In your letter • Explain the problem • Say how you feel about this problem • And say what steps you would like the manager to take.

"Dear Mango Center’s Manager, My name is David Le.

They are quite dirty and have no hangers to hang up clothes; it which is very inconvenient for me when changing clothes.

I have mentioned this problem with the center’s staff somemultiple times, but there was no action tohas been taken.

It makes me feel soincredibly uncomfortable and disrespectful, so I am writing this email to let you know my feedback and hope thatin the hopes you will solve this problem.

Disrespectful seems out of place as feeling for you to have - not quite sure what you were aiming for there?

Please make sure the rooms are always kept clean and equipped with a new hangers.

That is the basic thing that a center must commitminimum a center can do to providinge for its customers who pay such a high amount of membership fee monthly.

If there is still no action to be taken, I must change the sports center starting fromaken after this letter, I will have no choice but to cancel my membership and start at a different sports center next month.

I hope you have got it andthis is clear and you solve the problem as soon as possible.

Sincerely, ¶

Thank you!"
Thank you!¶

Sincerely,¶
Your name here

Sincerely would usually be the absolute final part of the salutation

Feedback

Nice job conveying anger and frustration through this letter

Phuocle2000's avatar
Phuocle2000

Dec. 25, 2024

1

Thank you so muchhhh for correcting

Ielts General_writing task 1


You are not satisfied with the changing rooms in a sports centre that you visit.


YConsider the situation where you are not satisfied with the changing rooms in a sports centre that you visit.

Some introduction makes this smoother

Write a letter to the sports center manager.


WOne option is to rite a letter to the sports center manager.

In your letter • Explain the problem • Say how you feel about this problem • And say what steps you would like the manager to take.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

"Dear Mango Center’s Manager, My name is David Le.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I have been a customer of your center for almost 2 years and was quite satisfied with your service at the beginning; however, there are some things that make me feel uncomfortable while using your service recently, especially the changing rooms.


I have been a customer of your center for almost 2 years and was quite satisfied with your service at the beginning; however, there are some things that make me feel uncomfortable while using your service recently, especifically the changing rooms.

They are quite dirty and have no hanger to hang up clothes; it is very inconvenient for me when changing clothes.


They are quite dirty and have no hangers to hang up clothes; it which is very inconvenient for me when changing clothes.

I mentioned this problem with the center’s staff sometimes, but there was no action to be taken.


I have mentioned this problem with the center’s staff somemultiple times, but there was no action tohas been taken.

I mentioned this problem with the center’s staff sometimes, but there was no action to be taken, but they did not do anything about it.

Removed "sometimes" so your email sounds more direct Changed to active voice to emphasize the staff didn't do anything

It makes me feel so uncomfortable and disrespectful, so I am writing this email to let you know my feedback and hope that you will solve this problem.


It makes me feel soincredibly uncomfortable and disrespectful, so I am writing this email to let you know my feedback and hope thatin the hopes you will solve this problem.

Disrespectful seems out of place as feeling for you to have - not quite sure what you were aiming for there?

It makes me feel so uncomfortable and disrespectfuled, so I am writing this email to let you know my feedback and hope that you will solve this problem.

Sincerely, Thank you!"


Sincerely, ¶

Thank you!"
Thank you!¶

Sincerely,¶
Your name here

Sincerely would usually be the absolute final part of the salutation

Sincerely,

Thank you!"


[Your Name]

Please make sure the rooms are always kept clean and equipped with a new hanger.


Please make sure the rooms are always kept clean and equipped with a new hangers.

That is the basic thing that a center must commit to providing for its customers who pay such a high amount of membership fee monthly.


That is the basic thing that a center must commitminimum a center can do to providinge for its customers who pay such a high amount of membership fee monthly.

That is thea basic thing that a center must commit to providing for its, considering your customers who pay such a high amount ofhly membership fee monthly.

Original sentence is ok, I just rewrote it to be more concise

If there is still no action to be taken, I must change the sports center starting from next month.


If there is still no action to be taken, I must change the sports center starting fromaken after this letter, I will have no choice but to cancel my membership and start at a different sports center next month.

If there is still no action to be taken, I must change thewill be changing my sports center starting from next month.

I hope you have got it and solve the problem as soon as possible.


I hope you have got it andthis is clear and you solve the problem as soon as possible.

I hope you have got it andunderstand and can solve the problem as soon as possible.

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