April 19, 2021
"They Left Me Alone."
The following is what I rewrote from another English learner's journal written in both Japanese and English.
Could you give me some advice about my writing?
────
I baked a cake, so I thought to share it with my children. However, I found that they were running in the apartment. That's why I decided to punish them and not to give cakes. I'd been fighting with them for a while, and, in the end, I said, “I don’t care of you guys anymore! Have it your way!!”
Now, I've been left alone in my place since my husband went out to a ramen shop for dinner taking with my children.
To be honest, I feel empty.
─────
Now, I'm wondering if I should put 'and then' in the place 'however'. 🤔
Correction Settings
"They Left Me Alone."
The following is what I rewrote from another English learner's journal written in both Japanese and English.
Could you give me some advice about my writing?
────
I baked a cake, so I thought to share it with my children. I baked a cake, so I thought to share it with my children.
Probably better to say “AND I thought to share it with my children.”
However, I found that they were running inside the apartment. However, I found that they were running inside the apartment.
“Running in” is also correct, but it is less clear whether they are running inTO the apartment or what is happening. Saying “running inside” makes it clear that they were doing this instead of running OUTside (which would have been fine). So both are correct, but saying “inside” makes it more obvious to the reader that running inside was a wrong action.
That's why I decided to punish them and not to give them cakes.
That's why I decided to punish them and not to give them cake.
I'd been fighting with them for a while, and, in the end, I said, “I don’t care ofabout you guys anymore!
I'd been fighting with them for a while, and, in the end, I said, “I don’t care about you guys anymore!
Have it your way!!”
Now, I've been left alone in my place since my husband went out to a ramen shop for dinner taking with my children.
Now, I've been left alone in my place since my husband went out to a ramen shop for dinner with my children.
To be honest, I feel empty.
─────
Now, I'm wondering if I should put 'and then' in the place 'however'.
🤔
Feedback
Either “however” or “then” would be correct, but I think you did great using “however.” It shows the flow of events: you thought to give them cake, but then you found them running.
It was perfectly understandable!! I just made a couple suggestions for improvement :-)
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"They Left Me Alone." This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The following is what I rewrote from another English learner's journal written in both Japanese and English. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Could you give me some advice about my writing? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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──── This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I baked a cake, so I thought to share it with my children. I baked a cake, so I thought to share it with my children. I baked a cake, so I thought to share it with my children. Probably better to say “AND I thought to share it with my children.” |
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However, I found that they were running in the apartment. However, I found that they were running inside the apartment. However, I found that they were running inside the apartment. “Running in” is also correct, but it is less clear whether they are running inTO the apartment or what is happening. Saying “running inside” makes it clear that they were doing this instead of running OUTside (which would have been fine). So both are correct, but saying “inside” makes it more obvious to the reader that running inside was a wrong action. |
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That's why I decided to punish them and not to give cakes.
That's why I decided to punish them and not to give them cake |
|
I'd been fighting with them for a while, and, in the end, I said, “I don’t care of you guys anymore!
I'd been fighting with them for a while, and, in the end, I said, “I don’t care |
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Have it your way!!” This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Now, I've been left alone in my place since my husband went out to a ramen shop for dinner taking with my children.
Now, I've been left alone in my place since my husband went out to a ramen shop for dinner |
|
To be honest, I feel empty. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
───── This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Now, I'm wondering if I should put 'and then' in the place 'however'. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
🤔 This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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