alex_love_english's avatar
alex_love_english

Jan. 2, 2021

0
I want to be more colloquial, please!:)

Do you know why I hate parents call me away when I playing game? Imagine that League of Legends is a game of pickup basketball on the street; it’s a 5 on 5.  Midway through, said pickup game is interrupted by a parent, who walks into the middle of the court and grabs their son, telling everyone else they’ve got to go now, and could everyone else please pause the game? Then said player never comes back. Well, first of all, the game doesn’t stop. The opposite five players pounce on the opportunity and quickly defeat the team that’s down one player. The sheer irritation that evokes in the other four players on that team is kind of like the league of legends. They will take it out on the player who’s missing, even if it’s not his fault.  
Just like most other boys, playing computer games are my best amusement during my different steps of my life. What’s more, some games are famous for their strategy and maneuverability, as time goes by, they are becoming called e-sport. A game called league of legends is my favorite game. I’m really craze about it. I have been played it for 7 years and it really gave me a lot of fun. It was very popular around all the China and even the world. At the past Time, I often ran fast to the Internet bar with my classmates in case there were no seats to play. As the ages we are growing, The most attractive of the game is that it can give us more chance to get together with our best friends. The more I growing, the more lonely I feeling. We less like most girls enjoy shopping or hanging around. Instead, we boys enjoy playing games together. We shout, we laugh, we feel excited together and all the stress or annoyance disappear as well. It’s really the best way for us get along and spend the precious night we had. Simply said, I regard league of legends as a friend, less like a computer game.

Corrections

Do you know why I hate it when parents call me away when I playingfrom my video games?

Imagine thatplaying League of Legends is a game of, a 5 on 5 pickup basketball game on the street; it’s a 5 on 5.

Midway through, said pickupthe game is interrupted by a parent, who walks into the middle of the court and, grabs their son, tellings everyone else they’ve got to go now, and couldasks if everyone elsecould please pause the game?

Then said, the player whose parent showed up will never comes back.

Well, first of allIn reality, the game doesn’t stop.

The opposite five playersng team will pounce on the opportunity and quickly defeat the team that’s down one player.

The sheer irritation that evokes infelt by the other four players on that team is kind of like the league of legends.

They will take it out on the player who’s missing has to leave, even if it’s not his fault.

Just like most other boys, playing computer games areis my bestfavorite amusement during mythose different steptimes of my life.

What’s more, some games are famous for their strategy and maneuverability, a. As time goes by, they are becoming calledconsidered to be an e-sport.

A game called lLeague of legends is my favorite game, and I'm crazy about it.

I’m really craze about it.

I have been playeding it for 7 years and it has really gaiven me a lot of fun.

It was very popular around all thein China, and even around the world.

AtIn the past Time, I often ran fastun to the Internet bar with my classmates in case there were no seats left for me to play.

As the ages we are growing, The most attractive of theis stage of our life, what attracts us the most is a game is that it can gives us more chance to get together with our bestther friends.

The more I growing, the more lonely I feeling.

We less Unlike most girls, we do not enjoy shopping or hanging around.

Instead, weus boys enjoy playing games together.

We shout, we laugh, we feel excited together and all the stress orand annoyances seem to disappear as well.

It’s really the best way for us to get along and to spend the precious night we had.s together playing games.

Simply said, I regard league of legends as a friend, and less like a computer game.

alex_love_english's avatar
alex_love_english

Jan. 3, 2021

0

i dont know how to express my appreciate attitude, thanks a lot

nschafer888's avatar
nschafer888

Jan. 4, 2021

0

You're welcome. You are definitely improving.

alex_love_english's avatar
alex_love_english

Jan. 5, 2021

0

Instead, weus boys enjoy playing games together.

why us boys🤔

nschafer888's avatar
nschafer888

Jan. 5, 2021

0

I think you were comparing the interests of girls versus boys. To me, it is more natural to say "us boys" versus "we boys", but we boys is technically correct because you are using boys as the subject noun of the sentence. If you were using boys as the object noun, then "us" would be technically correct. But I'm trying to correct your writing based on what sounds more natural to a native speaker. In this story, you compared what boys liked versus girls in your previous sentence, so actually, the best way is just to say "instead, WE enjoy playing games together." It is already understood that you are speaking about the boys. I hope I'm not confusing you too much.

I want to be more colloquial, please!:)

Do you know why I hate my parents calling me away when I'm playing a game? (/games)

If its "game" singular you'll need an article, if it's plural you only need to add an "s"

Imagine that League of Legends is a game of pickup basketball on the street; it’s a 5 on 5.

Midway through, said pickup game is interrupted by a parent, who walks into the middle of the court and grabs their son, telling everyone else they’ve got to go now, and could everyone else please pause the game?

Then said player never comes back.

Well, first of all, the game doesn’t stop.

The opposite five players pounce on the opportunity and quickly defeat the team that’s down one player.

They will take it out on the player who’s missing, even if it’s not his fault.

Just like most other boys, playing computer games areis my best amusement during myfavourite activity /thing to do throughout the different stageps of my life.

What’s more, some games are famous for their strategy and maneuverability, a. As time goes by, they are becoming called known as "e-sports".

A game called lLeague of lLegends is my favorite game.

It was very popular around/across all theof China and even around the world.

AtIn the past Time, I often ran fast to the Internet bar with my classmates in case there were no seats to playouldn't be any seats available/free.

That you're going to play Leage of Legends is implied, so you don't need to add it on.

The more I growing/older I get, the more lonelyier I feeling.

We less're not like mostthe girls who enjoy shopping or hanging around.

Instead, we boys enjoy playing games together.

We shout, we laugh, we feel excited together and all the stress or annoyance disappears as well.

It’s really the best way for us get along/together and spend the precious nights we hadve.

Or, if all of this happened in the past: "It really was the best way for us to get along and spend the precious nights we had together."

Feedback

Yo, girls can be gamers too. But also, this is a really good piece! However, I think sometimes you want to express something using a more complex past tense than past participle.

alex_love_english's avatar
alex_love_english

Jan. 3, 2021

0

you are do helpful!!

Do you know why I hate it when my parents call me away when Iile I'm playing game?

Imagine that League of Legends iswere like a game of pickup basketball on the street; it’s a 5 on 5.

Midway through, said pickup game is interrupted by a parent, who walks into the middle of the court and grabs their son, telling everyone else they’ve got to go now, and could everyone else please pause the game?

Then said player never comes back.

Well, first of all, the game doesn’t stop.

The opposite five players pounce on the opportunity and quickly defeat the team that’s down one player.

The sheer irritation that this would evokes in the other four players on that team is kind ofwhat happens in likes of the league of legends.

They will take it out on the player who’s missing, even if it’s not his fault.

Just like most other boys, playing computer games are my best amusement during my different steps of my life.is one of my favorite forms of entertainment.

What’s more, some games are famous for their strategy and maneuverability, as time goes by, they are becoming called e-sports.

A game called league of legends is my favorite game.

I’m really craze about it.

I have been played it for 7 years and it has really gaiven me a lot of funjoy.

It was very popular around all the China and eventhe rest of the world.

AtIn the past Time, I often ran fast to the Internet bar with my classmates in case there were no seats to play.

As the ages we arwe growing, Tthe most attractive element of the game is that it can give us morea chance to get together with our best friends.

The more I growingolder I get, the more lonely I feeling.

We less unlike most girls, who enjoy shopping or hanging aroundout.

Instead, we boys enjoy playing games together.

We shout, we laugh, we feel excited together and all the stress or annoyance disappear as well.

It’s really the best way for us get along and spend the precious night we had.

Simply said, I regard league of legends asmore like a friend, and less like a computer game.

alex_love_english's avatar
alex_love_english

Jan. 3, 2021

0

thank you very much!!!

I want to be more colloquial, please!:)


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Do you know why I hate parents call me away when I playing game?


Do you know why I hate it when my parents call me away when Iile I'm playing game?

Do you know why I hate my parents calling me away when I'm playing a game? (/games)

If its "game" singular you'll need an article, if it's plural you only need to add an "s"

Do you know why I hate it when parents call me away when I playingfrom my video games?

Imagine that League of Legends is a game of pickup basketball on the street; it’s a 5 on 5.


Imagine that League of Legends iswere like a game of pickup basketball on the street; it’s a 5 on 5.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Imagine thatplaying League of Legends is a game of, a 5 on 5 pickup basketball game on the street; it’s a 5 on 5.

Midway through, said pickup game is interrupted by a parent, who walks into the middle of the court and grabs their son, telling everyone else they’ve got to go now, and could everyone else please pause the game?


Midway through, said pickup game is interrupted by a parent, who walks into the middle of the court and grabs their son, telling everyone else they’ve got to go now, and could everyone else please pause the game?

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Midway through, said pickupthe game is interrupted by a parent, who walks into the middle of the court and, grabs their son, tellings everyone else they’ve got to go now, and couldasks if everyone elsecould please pause the game?

Then said player never comes back.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Then said, the player whose parent showed up will never comes back.

Well, first of all, the game doesn’t stop.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Well, first of allIn reality, the game doesn’t stop.

The opposite five players pounce on the opportunity and quickly defeat the team that’s down one player.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The opposite five playersng team will pounce on the opportunity and quickly defeat the team that’s down one player.

The sheer irritation that evokes in the other four players on that team is kind of like the league of legends.


The sheer irritation that this would evokes in the other four players on that team is kind ofwhat happens in likes of the league of legends.

The sheer irritation that evokes infelt by the other four players on that team is kind of like the league of legends.

They will take it out on the player who’s missing, even if it’s not his fault.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They will take it out on the player who’s missing has to leave, even if it’s not his fault.

Just like most other boys, playing computer games are my best amusement during my different steps of my life.


Just like most other boys, playing computer games are my best amusement during my different steps of my life.is one of my favorite forms of entertainment.

Just like most other boys, playing computer games areis my best amusement during myfavourite activity /thing to do throughout the different stageps of my life.

Just like most other boys, playing computer games areis my bestfavorite amusement during mythose different steptimes of my life.

What’s more, some games are famous for their strategy and maneuverability, as time goes by, they are becoming called e-sport.


What’s more, some games are famous for their strategy and maneuverability, as time goes by, they are becoming called e-sports.

What’s more, some games are famous for their strategy and maneuverability, a. As time goes by, they are becoming called known as "e-sports".

What’s more, some games are famous for their strategy and maneuverability, a. As time goes by, they are becoming calledconsidered to be an e-sport.

A game called league of legends is my favorite game.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

A game called lLeague of lLegends is my favorite game.

A game called lLeague of legends is my favorite game, and I'm crazy about it.

I’m really craze about it.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I’m really craze about it.

I have been played it for 7 years and it really gave me a lot of fun.


I have been played it for 7 years and it has really gaiven me a lot of funjoy.

I have been playeding it for 7 years and it has really gaiven me a lot of fun.

It was very popular around all the China and even the world.


It was very popular around all the China and eventhe rest of the world.

It was very popular around/across all theof China and even around the world.

It was very popular around all thein China, and even around the world.

At the past Time, I often ran fast to the Internet bar with my classmates in case there were no seats to play.


AtIn the past Time, I often ran fast to the Internet bar with my classmates in case there were no seats to play.

AtIn the past Time, I often ran fast to the Internet bar with my classmates in case there were no seats to playouldn't be any seats available/free.

That you're going to play Leage of Legends is implied, so you don't need to add it on.

AtIn the past Time, I often ran fastun to the Internet bar with my classmates in case there were no seats left for me to play.

As the ages we are growing, The most attractive of the game is that it can give us more chance to get together with our best friends.


As the ages we arwe growing, Tthe most attractive element of the game is that it can give us morea chance to get together with our best friends.

As the ages we are growing, The most attractive of theis stage of our life, what attracts us the most is a game is that it can gives us more chance to get together with our bestther friends.

The more I growing, the more lonely I feeling.


The more I growingolder I get, the more lonely I feeling.

The more I growing/older I get, the more lonelyier I feeling.

The more I growing, the more lonely I feeling.

We less like most girls enjoy shopping or hanging around.


We less unlike most girls, who enjoy shopping or hanging aroundout.

We less're not like mostthe girls who enjoy shopping or hanging around.

We less Unlike most girls, we do not enjoy shopping or hanging around.

Instead, we boys enjoy playing games together.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Instead, weus boys enjoy playing games together.

We shout, we laugh, we feel excited together and all the stress or annoyance disappear as well.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

We shout, we laugh, we feel excited together and all the stress or annoyance disappears as well.

We shout, we laugh, we feel excited together and all the stress orand annoyances seem to disappear as well.

It’s really the best way for us get along and spend the precious night we had.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It’s really the best way for us get along/together and spend the precious nights we hadve.

Or, if all of this happened in the past: "It really was the best way for us to get along and spend the precious nights we had together."

It’s really the best way for us to get along and to spend the precious night we had.s together playing games.

Simply said, I regard league of legends as a friend, less like a computer game.


Simply said, I regard league of legends asmore like a friend, and less like a computer game.

Simply said, I regard league of legends as a friend, and less like a computer game.

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