Polyraspad's avatar
Polyraspad

Jan. 23, 2025

15
How Nobody Came to the Graveyard

THERE WAS A HAND IN the darkness, and it held a knife.
The knife had a handle of polished black bone, and a blade finer and sharper than any razor. If it sliced you, you might not even know you had been cut, not immediately.

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Dojega's avatar
0

THERE WAS A HAND INhere was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife.

All caps aren't necessary here, and I don't think I've ever seen them in formal writing. Is there a reason why you used them?

The knife had a handle of polished black bone, and a blade finer and sharper than any razor.

I don't think a comma is needed here, as the sentence flows completely fine without one.

If it sliced you, you might not even know you had been cut,; not immediately.

I think a semicolon would work well here. It connects the thought of "not immediately" with the previous statement without using a comma (which I don't think is correct), and without using a period (which may seem too abrupt).

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Overall, I think you painted a good picture, so great job.

araigoshi's avatar
117

THERE WAS A HAND INhere was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife.

All caps isn't deployed lightly in English writing, mostly for e.g. in-dialogue shouting.

If it sliced you, you might not even know you had been cut, at least not immediately.

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Pretty good writing, just the all caps was too strong I think

If it sliced you, you might not even know you had been cut, not immediately.

If it sliced you, you might not even know you had been cut, at least not immediately.

If it sliced you, you might not even know you had been cut,; not immediately.

I think a semicolon would work well here. It connects the thought of "not immediately" with the previous statement without using a comma (which I don't think is correct), and without using a period (which may seem too abrupt).

How Nobody Came to the Graveyard

THERE WAS A HAND IN the darkness, and it held a knife.

THERE WAS A HAND INhere was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife.

All caps isn't deployed lightly in English writing, mostly for e.g. in-dialogue shouting.

THERE WAS A HAND INhere was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife.

All caps aren't necessary here, and I don't think I've ever seen them in formal writing. Is there a reason why you used them?

The knife had a handle of polished black bone, and a blade finer and sharper than any razor.

The knife had a handle of polished black bone, and a blade finer and sharper than any razor.

I don't think a comma is needed here, as the sentence flows completely fine without one.

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