Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 22, 2023

2
How He was Disabled (4) - end

There are many words in life I can't forget, no matter how much time passes. One of which is my older sister's warning to me when I was in middle school - "Stay away from soldiers and do not antagonize them"

My elementary and middle school are situated in an area adjacent to a military university, an army detachment, a big fire station (belonging to the army), and even a naval office. I studied with many classmates from the military units, and many teachers were military officials' wives, the local schools have no right s to reject them. Most of such students and ladies were well educated, and some of such teachers were enthusiastic about their job. However, that's not the case for common soldiers.

I knew some of the local illegal crime groups liked to buy help from the soldiers, though they were only a small portion of them, local residents and policemen had no way to deal with it.

My classmate was beaten to be disabled was beyond the soldiers' expectations, but I believe it was not their first time. As I wrote in the last entry, I thought their final punishment was strict. In fact, when I see my classmate walk like a hunchback and not capable to work normally, I feel the pain in him. The punishment was not enough, some of them should be jailed and the army should pay money monthly to guarantee a normal life for my classmate.

Moreover, the media in my country generally won't report negative news about the army. They only show their positive aspects. As nationalism increased in recent 10 years, this biased report is stretched to policemen and state-owned corporations. To be more clear; all news for the above field is positive, bad news only for private companies.

Corrections

How He was Disabled (4) - eThe End

There are many words in life I can't forget, no matter how much time passes.

OnSome of which iswere my older sister's warning to me when I was in middle school - "Stay away from soldiers and do not antagonize them."

My elementary and middle schools are situated in an area adjacent to a military university, an army detachment, a big fire station (belonging to the army), and even a naval office.

I studied with manMany of my classmates were from the military units, and many teachers were wives of military officials' wives, t. The local schools haved no right s to rejectchoice but to hire them.

Most ofany such students and ladies were well educated, and some of suchthe teachers were enthusiastic about their jobs.

However, that'That was not the case for common soldiers, however.

I knew some of the local illegal crime groups liked to buy help from the soldiers, though they were only a small portion of themhire soldiers for help and, though they were few in number, local residents and policemen had no way to deal with ithem.

My classmate wasbeing beaten to beuntil he was disabled was beyond the soldiers' expectations, but I believe it was not their first time.

As I wrote in the last entry, I thought their final punishment was strict.

In fact, when I see my classmate walk like a hunchback and not capable tof working normally, I feel the pain in him.

The punishment was not enough, s. Some of them should behave been jailed and the army should payhave paid my classmate money on a monthly basis to guarantee a normal life for my classmatehim.

あるいは、

The punishment was not enough. Some of them should have been jailed and the army should have paid my classmate restitution on a monthly basis to guarantee a normal life for him.

Moreover, the media in my country generally won't report negative news about the army.

They only show their positive aspects.

また、

They only write about their positive aspects.

As nationalism has increased in recenthe past 10 years, this biased reporting is stretchextended to policemen and state-owned corporations.

To be more clear;: all news for the above field iss are positive, while bad news is reserved only for private companies.

statement: explanation

Feedback

残念ですね。そして、今回も上手に書けています!

Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 27, 2023

2

いつもありがとうございます! も、「restitution」という言葉がこの文章にぴったりです。

How He was Disabled (4) - end

There are many words in life I can't forget, no matter how much time passes.

One of which is my older sister's warning to me when I was in middle school - "Stay away from soldiers and do not antagonize them"

MBoth my elementary and middle school are situated in an area adjacent to a military university, an army detachment, a big fire station (belonging to the army), and even a naval office.

I studied with many classmates from the military units, and many teachers were military officials' wives, t. The local schools have no right s to reject them.

Most of such students and ladies were well educated, and some of such teachers were enthusiastic about their job.

However, that's not the case for common soldiers.

I knew some of the local illegal crime groups liked to buy help from the soldiers, though they were only a small portion of them, local residents and policemen had no way to deal with it.

My classmate was beaten to be disabled was beyond the soldiers' expectations, but I believe it was not their first time.

As I wrote in the last entry, I thought their final punishment was strict.

In fact, when I see my classmate walk like a hunchback and not capable to work normally, I feel the pain in him.

The punishment was not enough, some of them should be jailed and the army should pay money monthly to guarantee a normal life for my classmate.

Moreover, the media in my country generally won't report negative news about the army.

They only show their positive aspects.

As nationalism increased in recent 10 years, this biased report is stretched to policemen and state-owned corporations.

To be more clear; all news for the above field is positive, bad news only for private companies.

Feedback

I found your story about the presence of military personnel and the challenges you mentioned quite intriguing. Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts.

Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 23, 2023

2

Thank you for your word 'intriguing,' which is encouraging to me. Also, thank you for your corrections! :-)

There are many wordspieces of advice in life I can't forget, no matter how much time passes.

"words" works grammatically, but it sounds funny in English. It would be better to be more specific.

One of which is my older sister's warning to me when I was in middle school -, "Stay away from soldiers, and do not antagonize them"

Minor punctuation issues.

My elementary and middle school awere situated in an area adjacent to a military university, an army detachment, a big fire station (belonging to the army), and even a naval office.

Another minor issue, but since the rest of the story is in past tense this sounds more natural. Also "in an area" here is unnecessarily wordy, but not incorrect.

I studied with many classmates from the military units, and many teachers were military officials' wives, the local schools have no right s to reject themwere required to hire them if they applied.

Most of such students and ladies were well -educated, and some of such teachers were enthusiastic about their job.

However, that' was not the case for common soldiers.

I knew some of the local illegal crime groups liked to buy help from the soldiers, though they were only a small portion ofonly a few soldiers worked with them, local residents and policemen had no way to deal with it.

"they were only a small portion of them" I'm not clear what you mean by this. Only a few soldiers participated with the crime groups? There were only a few crime groups? This also sounds off in English.

My classmate was beaten tso be disabled was beyond the soldiers' expectationsadly he was disabled, but I believe it was not their first time.

"was beyond the soldiers' expectations" I'm not clear what you mean by this.

As I wrote in the last entry, I thought their final punishment was strict.

Whose punishment?

In fact, when I see my classmate walk like a hunchback and inot capable tof working normally, I feel the pain in him.

The punishment was not enough, s. Some of them should behave been jailed, and the army should pay money monthly to guarantee a normal life for my classmate.

I'm a little confused here because earlier you say the punishment was strict.

As nationalism has increased in recenover the past 10 years, this biased reporting is stretched to policemen and state-owned corporations.

I'm not sure what you mean in the second part of the sentence. Are you saying that the media is more biased now that before? Maybe change to: "As nationalism has increased over the past 10 years, positive media coverage is the only media coverage for the police and state-owned corporations."

To be more clear; all news for the above field is positive, bad news only for private companies.

Edited to flow better with the previous sentence.

Feedback

This was overall a great text! I apologize for so many little corrections. It was close to perfect so any little error stands out. Keep up the good work!

Also, if this is a true story, I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 23, 2023

2

I knew some of the local illegal crime groups liked to buy help from the soldiers, though they were only a small portion ofonly a few soldiers worked with them, local residents and policemen had no way to deal with it.

At that time, in the 1990s, the amount of public crime in the city was much more serious than it is today. A small group of soldiers who were stationed in the downtown area became involved in the fighting between local crime gangs, aiming to gain control of the areas. Even the local illegal gangs were afraid of these kinds of soldiers because they specialized in fighting.

Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 23, 2023

2

My classmate was beaten tso be disabled was beyond the soldiers' expectationsadly he was disabled, but I believe it was not their first time.

The soldier didn't want to beat my classmate to being disabled, only wanted to teach him a lesson indeed.

Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 23, 2023

2

As I wrote in the last entry, I thought their final punishment was strict.

The punishment to the captain and his soldiers.

Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 23, 2023

2

The punishment was not enough, s. Some of them should behave been jailed, and the army should pay money monthly to guarantee a normal life for my classmate.

When in school or even afterward, many people including me, thought that the punishments were sufficient because it would be difficult for local residents to win a conflict with the army. However, when I see my classmate's current situation, I realize that it's not nearly enough and it makes me think more about whether soldiers have the right to refuse an obviously inhumane order?

Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 23, 2023

2

As nationalism has increased in recenover the past 10 years, this biased reporting is stretched to policemen and state-owned corporations.

You are correct. The country is more likely to go back to the era of the 1960s and 1970s, which would represent a step backward and be more like North Korea

Scarlett_Father's avatar
Scarlett_Father

May 23, 2023

2

Thank you for your correction and questions. It's a true story.

How He was Disabled (4) - end


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

How He was Disabled (4) - eThe End

There are many words in life I can't forget, no matter how much time passes.


There are many wordspieces of advice in life I can't forget, no matter how much time passes.

"words" works grammatically, but it sounds funny in English. It would be better to be more specific.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

One of which is my older sister's warning to me when I was in middle school - "Stay away from soldiers and do not antagonize them"


One of which is my older sister's warning to me when I was in middle school -, "Stay away from soldiers, and do not antagonize them"

Minor punctuation issues.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

OnSome of which iswere my older sister's warning to me when I was in middle school - "Stay away from soldiers and do not antagonize them."

My elementary and middle school are situated in an area adjacent to a military university, an army detachment, a big fire station (belonging to the army), and even a naval office.


My elementary and middle school awere situated in an area adjacent to a military university, an army detachment, a big fire station (belonging to the army), and even a naval office.

Another minor issue, but since the rest of the story is in past tense this sounds more natural. Also "in an area" here is unnecessarily wordy, but not incorrect.

MBoth my elementary and middle school are situated in an area adjacent to a military university, an army detachment, a big fire station (belonging to the army), and even a naval office.

My elementary and middle schools are situated in an area adjacent to a military university, an army detachment, a big fire station (belonging to the army), and even a naval office.

I studied with many classmates from the military units, and many teachers were military officials' wives, the local schools have no right s to reject them.


I studied with many classmates from the military units, and many teachers were military officials' wives, the local schools have no right s to reject themwere required to hire them if they applied.

I studied with many classmates from the military units, and many teachers were military officials' wives, t. The local schools have no right s to reject them.

I studied with manMany of my classmates were from the military units, and many teachers were wives of military officials' wives, t. The local schools haved no right s to rejectchoice but to hire them.

Most of such students and ladies were well educated, and some of such teachers were enthusiastic about their job.


Most of such students and ladies were well -educated, and some of such teachers were enthusiastic about their job.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Most ofany such students and ladies were well educated, and some of suchthe teachers were enthusiastic about their jobs.

However, that's not the case for common soldiers.


However, that' was not the case for common soldiers.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

However, that'That was not the case for common soldiers, however.

I knew some of the local illegal crime groups liked to buy help from the soldiers, though they were only a small portion of them, local residents and policemen had no way to deal with it.


I knew some of the local illegal crime groups liked to buy help from the soldiers, though they were only a small portion ofonly a few soldiers worked with them, local residents and policemen had no way to deal with it.

"they were only a small portion of them" I'm not clear what you mean by this. Only a few soldiers participated with the crime groups? There were only a few crime groups? This also sounds off in English.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I knew some of the local illegal crime groups liked to buy help from the soldiers, though they were only a small portion of themhire soldiers for help and, though they were few in number, local residents and policemen had no way to deal with ithem.

My classmate was beaten to be disabled was beyond the soldiers' expectations, but I believe it was not their first time.


My classmate was beaten tso be disabled was beyond the soldiers' expectationsadly he was disabled, but I believe it was not their first time.

"was beyond the soldiers' expectations" I'm not clear what you mean by this.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

My classmate wasbeing beaten to beuntil he was disabled was beyond the soldiers' expectations, but I believe it was not their first time.

As I wrote in the last entry, I thought their final punishment was strict.


As I wrote in the last entry, I thought their final punishment was strict.

Whose punishment?

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In fact, when I see my classmate walk like a hunchback and not capable to work normally, I feel the pain in him.


In fact, when I see my classmate walk like a hunchback and inot capable tof working normally, I feel the pain in him.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In fact, when I see my classmate walk like a hunchback and not capable tof working normally, I feel the pain in him.

The punishment was not enough, some of them should be jailed and the army should pay money monthly to guarantee a normal life for my classmate.


The punishment was not enough, s. Some of them should behave been jailed, and the army should pay money monthly to guarantee a normal life for my classmate.

I'm a little confused here because earlier you say the punishment was strict.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The punishment was not enough, s. Some of them should behave been jailed and the army should payhave paid my classmate money on a monthly basis to guarantee a normal life for my classmatehim.

あるいは、 The punishment was not enough. Some of them should have been jailed and the army should have paid my classmate restitution on a monthly basis to guarantee a normal life for him.

Moreover, the media in my country generally won't report negative news about the army.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They only show their positive aspects.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

They only show their positive aspects.

また、 They only write about their positive aspects.

As nationalism increased in recent 10 years, this biased report is stretched to policemen and state-owned corporations.


As nationalism has increased in recenover the past 10 years, this biased reporting is stretched to policemen and state-owned corporations.

I'm not sure what you mean in the second part of the sentence. Are you saying that the media is more biased now that before? Maybe change to: "As nationalism has increased over the past 10 years, positive media coverage is the only media coverage for the police and state-owned corporations."

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

As nationalism has increased in recenthe past 10 years, this biased reporting is stretchextended to policemen and state-owned corporations.

To be more clear; all news for the above field is positive, bad news only for private companies.


To be more clear; all news for the above field is positive, bad news only for private companies.

Edited to flow better with the previous sentence.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

To be more clear;: all news for the above field iss are positive, while bad news is reserved only for private companies.

statement: explanation

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