The doctors took a careful medical check ondid a thorough examination of Zhu;: he had lost two incisors and two wisdom teeth alreadywere loosen,ed and his back spine was so injured andthat he would not be able to walk as normally, the severity of the injury wasbeing that serious.

Due to tragedy and big pressure from the school.

This is a sentence fragment so I added it to the next sentence.

TDue to the tragedy and a large amount of pressure from the school, the fire station eventually gave a strict punishment to the soldiers who were involved: The captain and three soldiers were forced to retire at once, and other soldiers who beat Zhu were given a warning letter.

In China, ifwhen any soldier who wereis forced to leave military service would be, it affecteds him for his whole life.

My classmate -, Zhu, however, his head can not lift up whenhis head while walking forever again.

そうですね。

In the next entry, I will discuss why the soldiers dared to beat a child in public.

The doctors tookperformed a careful medical check on Zhu; he had already lost two incisors and two wisdom teeth, which were already loosen, and h. His back spine was injured, and he would not be able to walk as normal,ly; the severity of the injury was serious.

Due to tragedy and big pressure from the school.,

The fire station eventually gave a strict punishment to the soldiers who were involved:. The captain and three soldiers were forced to retire at once, and other soldiers who beat Zhu were given a warning letter.

The final punishment was quite strongevere.

In China, if any soldier who wereis forced to leave military service, it would be affected for his their whole life.

MHowever, my classmate - Zhu, however, his head can not lift uphis head when walking forever.

How He wasBecame Disabled (3)

The doctors tookdid a careful medical check on Zhu; he had lost two incisors and two wisdom teeth were already loosen, and his back, his spine was injured and he would not able to walk as normal, t. The severity of the injury was serious.

Due to tragedy and bighese injuries, he had huge pressure from the school.

The school? Might not be the right word.

The fire station eventually gave a strict punishment to the soldiers who were involved: Tthe captain and three soldiers were forced to retire at once, and the other soldiers who had beaten Zhu were given a warning letter.

Fire station? Might not be the right word. Do you mean: "military" or "barracks"?

The final punishment was quite strongevere.

In China, if any soldier who wereas forced to leave military service would be affected for his whole life.

My classmate - Zhu, however, his head can not lift up when walking forevercould not walk with his head held high for the rest of his life.

In the next entry, I will discuss why the soldiers dare to beat a child in public.

The doctors took a careful medical check on Zhu; he had lost two incisors and two wisdom teeth had already been loosened, and his back spine injured ande injured his spine so he would not be able to walk as normal, the severity of the injury was severe/serious.

You wouldn't say back spine you would just say spine. It is just slightly clunky in the wording and when using the word able you often need to say 'be' before it e.g. I would be able to do that, or would I be able to do that. You can say as well I was able to do that but would and able always needs a be somewhere.

Due to the tragedy and biglots of pressure from the school.

The fire station eventually gave a strict punishment to the soldifirefighters who were involved: The captain and three soldifirefighters were forced to retire at once, and other soldifirefighters who beat Zhu were given a warning letter.

The final punishment was quite strongharsh.

In China, if any soldier who wereas forced to leave the military service they would be affected for histheir whole life.

My classmate - Zhu, however, his head can not lift up whenwill never be able to lift up his head whilst walking foreveragain.