May 18, 2023
How He Was Disabled (1)
In the previous entry, I wrote about one of my classmates in junior high school. Today, I am going to tell you how he became disabled. I don't believe you can imagine it until I describe it to you
Around 1988, we were 14 years olds, in either grade 8 or 9. My classmate was a naughty boy, and his father was a Chinese teacher with a high rank at the same school. He has grown up in the shadow of his beloved father and was the only son in his family like most other peers.
There was a fire station near my school. Every weekend, some soldiers would take an exercise at a terraced mound beside my school. In China, firefighters belong to the army system, we call them the armed police force, and they are stationed in cities.
One weekend in the afternoon, a group of soldiers about 15 carried out their regular exercises as usual on the terraced mound. When they lined up on a small playground, all the soldiers stepped in unison following their captain's orders: "one, two, three..."
My classmate with other three peers were playing nearby. He mimicked the captain and shouted out loudly to the soldiers "turn left!", "turn right!", and "attention!"
In most cases, the soldiers would ignore a naughty boy's words at the moment. That was not as usual, however, this was an unforgotten day for many families.
In the previous entry, I wrote about one of my classmates in junior high school.
Today, I am going to tell you how he became disabled.
I don't believe you can imagine it until I describe it to you
This is OK, but I think we can make it more natural through tense agreement:
I don't believe you can imagine it unless I describe it to you.
I don't believe you'll be able to imagine it until I describe it to you.
Around 1988, we were 14 years olds, in either grade 8 or 9.
My classmate was a naughty boy, and his father was a Chinese teacher with a high rank at the same school.
He has grown up in the shadow of his beloved father and was the only son in his family, like most otherf his peers.
There was a fire station near my school.
Every weekend, some soldiers would take ando military exercises at a terraced mound beside my school.
In China, firefighters belong to the army system, we call them the armed police force, and they are stationed in cities.
One weekend in the afternoon, a group of soldiers about 15about 15 soldiers carried out their regular exercises as usual on the terraced mound.
I don't think we need both "regular" and "as usual" because they mean more or less the same thing :)
When they lined up on a small playground, all the soldiers stepped in unison following their captain's orders: "one, two, three..."
My classmate with other threeree of his peers were playing nearby.
"Peers" is a little bit formal in English, and we don't usually use it to describe specific people (sorry, it's hard to explain, but I'll give some examples below). I think to sound even more natural you could say "with three of his friends" or "with three other boys/children".
Example:
*As children grow older, they need approval from their peers more than from adults. (i.e. they need approval from other young people in general)
*His reading level exceeds that of his peers. (i.e. it is better than the reading level of people his age on average)
He mimicked the captain and shouted out loudly to the soldiers "turn left!
", "turn right!
", and "attention!
"
In most cases, the soldiers would ignore a naughty boy's words at theat moment.
Thatis was not as usual normal day, however, this was anday still unforgotten day forby many families who were there at the time.
Feedback
This looks really good! As your English level is already quite high, I've given some more nuanced/advanced suggestions φ(゜▽゜*)♪
May 27, 2023
Thank you so much for your correction! The explanation of the word "peer" is very clear to me. :-)
How He Wwas Disabled (1)
In the previous entry, I wrote about one of my classmates in junior high school.
Today, I am going to tell you how he became disabled.
I don't believe you can imagine ithow until I describe it to you.
Around 1988, we were 14 years olds, in either grade 8 or 9.
My classmate was a naughty boy, and his father was a Chinese teacher with a high rank at the same school.
He has grown up in the shadow of his beloved father and wais the only son in his family like most of our other peers.
There was a fire station near my school.
また、
There was a fire station near our school.
(since you already mentioned other classmates)
Every weekend, some soldiers would take ando exercises at a terraced mound beside mythe school.
In China, firefighters belong to the army system, w. We call them the armed police force, and they are stationed in cities.
One weekend in the afternoon, a group ofbout 15 soldiers about 15were carriedying out their regular exercises as usual on the terraced mound.
You don't need "regular" if you're already using "as usual."
また、
One weekend in the afternoon, about 15 soldiers were carrying out their usual exercises on the terraced mound.
When they lined up on a small playground, all the soldiers stepped in unison following their captain's orders: "one, two, three..."
My classmate with other three peers were playingas playing with three other boys nearby.
このの方が自然です。
He mimicked the captain and shouted out loudly to the soldiers "tTurn left!
", "tTurn right!
", and "aAttention!
"
In most cases, the soldiers would ignore a naughty boy's words at theat moment.
Thatis time was not as usualthe case, however, this was an unand it became a day which wouldn't be forgotten day forby many families.
Feedback
残念です！そして、今回も上手に書けています！
May 18, 2023
それは残念なことですね。どうもありがとうございます！
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How He Was Disabled (1) How He |
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In the previous entry, I wrote about one of my classmates in junior high school. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Today, I am going to tell you how he became disabled. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I don't believe you can imagine it until I describe it to you I don't believe you can imagine I don't believe you can imagine it until I describe it to you This is OK, but I think we can make it more natural through tense agreement: I don't believe you can imagine it unless I describe it to you. I don't believe you'll be able to imagine it until I describe it to you. |
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Around 1988, we were 14 years olds, in either grade 8 or 9. This sentence has been marked as perfect! Around 1988, we were 14 years old |
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My classmate was a naughty boy, and his father was a Chinese teacher with a high rank at the same school. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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He has grown up in the shadow of his beloved father and was the only son in his family like most other peers. He has grown up in the shadow of his beloved father and He has grown up in the shadow of his beloved father and was the only son in his family, like most o |
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There was a fire station near my school. There was a fire station near my school. また、 There was a fire station near our school. (since you already mentioned other classmates) This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Every weekend, some soldiers would take an exercise at a terraced mound beside my school. Every weekend, Every weekend, some soldiers would |
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In China, firefighters belong to the army system, we call them the armed police force, and they are stationed in cities. In China, firefighters belong to the army system This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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One weekend in the afternoon, a group of soldiers about 15 carried out their regular exercises as usual on the terraced mound. One weekend in the afternoon, a You don't need "regular" if you're already using "as usual." また、 One weekend in the afternoon, about 15 soldiers were carrying out their usual exercises on the terraced mound. One weekend in the afternoon, a group of I don't think we need both "regular" and "as usual" because they mean more or less the same thing :) |
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When they lined up on a small playground, all the soldiers stepped in unison following their captain's orders: "one, two, three..." This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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My classmate with other three peers were playing nearby. My classmate w このの方が自然です。 My classmate with "Peers" is a little bit formal in English, and we don't usually use it to describe specific people (sorry, it's hard to explain, but I'll give some examples below). I think to sound even more natural you could say "with three of his friends" or "with three other boys/children". Example: *As children grow older, they need approval from their peers more than from adults. (i.e. they need approval from other young people in general) *His reading level exceeds that of his peers. (i.e. it is better than the reading level of people his age on average) |
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He mimicked the captain and shouted out loudly to the soldiers "turn left! He mimicked the captain and shouted out loudly to the soldiers " This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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", "turn right! " This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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", and "attention!
This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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" This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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In most cases, the soldiers would ignore a naughty boy's words at the moment. In most cases, the soldiers would ignore a naughty boy's words at th In most cases, |
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That was not as usual, however, this was an unforgotten day for many families. Th Th |
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