Jan. 17, 2020
Higher education is valuable for a young person’s future
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to the recently published article about the value of higher education for a young person’s future. I would like to outline my views on the subject as well as assess the extent to which higher education may be indispensable for young people.
Inarguably, higher education helps young people secure their place under the Sun in the modern extremely volatile and competitive job market. This impact seems to be at least two-fold. Not only does higher education instil some knowledge in the minds of young people, but it also prepares them for the adversity they are bound to encounter later in life. While studying at universities, students are faced with a lot of challenges that must be surmounted. In other words, the academic milieu is instrumental in fostering diligence, assiduity, and thinking-outside-the-box. Opportunity-wise, these features will render yesterday’s alumni eligible for a wider array of job offers.
Casting my mind back to my days at university, I feel glad to have been there. These were my formative years, a stepping stone towards becoming an accomplished individual with a well-rounded personality. It was during this time that I realized what the passion of my life was. I was engrossed in the subject of my research. I was ready to go an extra mile. And, I guess, I was lucky enough. The fusion of these components made me stand out. I got noticed.
At some juncture, some offers for better academic prospects started to trickle. The more results I delivered, the better the offers were. Although I, regrettably, had to leave the academic milieu for good, the analytical mindset that higher education imparted onto me turned out to be indispensable later in my life when I embarked upon my career as an application engineer. Equally essential were the desire for continuous development and the ability to thrive on pressure that seemed to have come to the fore back in my university days.
It is often said that having a degree just adds another social role young people are going to play. Be that as it may, the impact of higher education cannot be circumscribed by this purely utilitarian dimension. Most importantly, higher education profoundly alters the mindset and adds another facet to the personalities of young people. This feeling is incredibly empowering; as such, it may give young people the key with which they may open the hitherto closed doors to a better life and a better world. That is why higher education is extremely valuable.
Higher education is valuable for a young person’s future
Dear Sir,Hello, I am writing in response to the recently published article about the value of higher education for a young person’s future.
Dear Sir is INCREDIBLY formal to my American ear. I would almost think it was patronizing in the wrong context, honestly.
I would like to outline my views on the subject, as well as assess the extent to which higher education may be indispensable for young people.
I don't really have a correction, but I read this in the voice of a 60 year old posh British man. Again, it's just very formal in style
Inarguably, hHigher education helps young people secure their place underin the Ssun in the modern extremely volatile and competitive modern job market.
This impact seems to be at least two-fold.
Not only does hHigher education doesn't just instil somel knowledge in the minds of young people, but i. It also prepares them for the adversity they are bound to encounter later in life.
Simpler in two sentences
While studying at universities, students are faced with a lot of challenges that must be surmounted.
In other words, the academic milieuenvironment is instrumental in fostering diligence, assiduity, and thinking-outside-the-boxttention to detail, and creative thinking.
Style comment
Opportunity-wise, these features will render yesterday’s alumni eligible for a wider array of job offers.
Casting my mind back to my days at university, I feel glad to have been there.
These were my formative years, a stepping stone towards becoming an accomplished individual with a well-rounded personality.
It was during this time that I realized what the passion of my life was.
I was engrossed in the subject of my research.
I was ready to go anthe extra mile.
And, I guess, I was lucky enough.
You could say "I guess I was lucky" or "I was lucky enough". They're redundant together.
The fusion of these components made me stand out.
I got noticed.
At some juncture, somepoint, offers for better academic prospects started to trickle in.
The more results I delivered, the better the offers were.
Although I, regrettably, had to leave the academic milieua for good, the analytical mindset that higher education imparted onto me turned out to be indispensable later in my life when I embarked upon my career as an application engineer.
Equally essential were tThe desire for continuous development and the ability to thrive on pressure that, which seemed to have come to the fore back in my university days, were equally essential.
This feels more active
It is often said that having a degree just adds another social role young people are going to play.
Be that as it may, the impact of higher education cannot be circumscribed by this purely utilitarian dimension.
This feeling is incredibly empowering; as such, it may give young people the key with which they maycan open the hitherto closed doors to a better life and a better world.
That is why higher education is extremely valuable.
Feedback
Check out purple prose if you're not familiar with it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_prose
You are clearly an excellent English writer. I see some recurring structural complexity with subject and predicate being switched, which come across as unnatural and stilted. In terms of fluency, the grammar is typically there, but in terms of sounding native (and even academic), I think it misses the mark.
Most importantly, that word choice. I taught writing, and some of the most frustrating papers were ones in which students pulled out a thesaurus and started replacing every word they could. In English - or at least, again, in American English - using highly flowery language is used for very specific aesthetics, contexts, or intents. I'd either be very explicit about that intent (I'm trying to sound very posh/Romantic Period author/caricature of the former) or, if you're writing more seriously, selecting more basic vocabulary. Rely on the strength of your ideas and structures (lists, sentence length, syntax) and techniques in your writing (simile, metaphor, analogy, a well-placed piece of oddball vocabulary) in order to really come across as a sophisticated author. (:
And note: this is the type of feedback I gave to graduate students and undergrads, so seriously. Well done. I can only home that one day my German is a fraction as good as this.
Jan. 17, 2020
I would like to outline my views on the subject, as well as assess the extent to which higher education may be indispensable for young people.
Thanks a lot! I know that my writing is plagued with superfluously complex words and structures, and recently I've been trying to make it somewhat more palatable.
Many people claim that I've swallowed a thesaurus. Well, I seem to have regurgitated it rather than digested it. So, I still have a long way to go. My native language is Russian, btw.
I passed a C2 exam with merit about two years ago, getting the lowest scores for my writing and speaking.
In hindsight, my writing was even worse back then, so I seem to have made some progress, however small.
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Higher education is valuable for a young person’s future This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Dear Sir,I am writing in response to the recently published article about the value of higher education for a young person’s future.
Dear Sir is INCREDIBLY formal to my American ear. I would almost think it was patronizing in the wrong context, honestly. |
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I would like to outline my views on the subject as well as assess the extent to which higher education may be indispensable for young people. I would like to outline my views on the subject, as well as assess the extent to which higher education may be indispensable for young people. I don't really have a correction, but I read this in the voice of a 60 year old posh British man. Again, it's just very formal in style |
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Inarguably, higher education helps young people secure their place under the Sun in the modern extremely volatile and competitive job market.
|
|
This impact seems to be at least two-fold. This impact seems to be at least two |
|
Not only does higher education instil some knowledge in the minds of young people, but it also prepares them for the adversity they are bound to encounter later in life.
Simpler in two sentences |
|
While studying at universities, students are faced with a lot of challenges that must be surmounted. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
In other words, the academic milieu is instrumental in fostering diligence, assiduity, and thinking-outside-the-box. In other words, the academic Style comment |
|
Opportunity-wise, these features will render yesterday’s alumni eligible for a wider array of job offers. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Casting my mind back to my days at university, I feel glad to have been there. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
These were my formative years, a stepping stone towards becoming an accomplished individual with a well-rounded personality. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
It was during this time that I realized what the passion of my life was. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I was engrossed in the subject of my research. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I was ready to go an extra mile. I was ready to go |
|
And, I guess, I was lucky enough. And You could say "I guess I was lucky" or "I was lucky enough". They're redundant together. |
|
The fusion of these components made me stand out. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I got noticed. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
At some juncture, some offers for better academic prospects started to trickle. At some |
|
The more results I delivered, the better the offers were. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Although I, regrettably, had to leave the academic milieu for good, the analytical mindset that higher education imparted onto me turned out to be indispensable later in my life when I embarked upon my career as an application engineer. Although I |
|
Equally essential were the desire for continuous development and the ability to thrive on pressure that seemed to have come to the fore back in my university days.
This feels more active |
|
It is often said that having a degree just adds another social role young people are going to play. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Be that as it may, the impact of higher education cannot be circumscribed by this purely utilitarian dimension. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
Most importantly, higher education profoundly alters the mindset and adds another facet to the personalities of young people. |
|
This feeling is incredibly empowering; as such, it may give young people the key with which they may open the hitherto closed doors to a better life and a better world. This feeling is incredibly empowering; as such, it may give young people the key with which they |
|
That is why higher education is extremely valuable. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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