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simonaliu

Feb. 1, 2024

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Heavy Rain

Heavy rain drop faster and faster. Once the raindrop reach the ground, it spread out to several parts, and then draw ripples on the thin water surface.
A small bird still search for food in such a heavy rain. It ignores both the danger of being caught by standbys and the possibility of rushing to death. Maybe it have old parents or small babies who can’t earn their life, just the same as us?
A car is driven slowly, coming to the bird closer and closer, and finally drive over the bird. This car didn’t stop at all, it keeps moving forward without any feeling, because the driver doesn’t know what had happened.
The rain becomes heavier, having no signal to stop.

Corrections

Heavy rain drops faster and faster.

Once the raindrop reaches the ground, it spreads out to several parts, and then draws ripples on the thin water surface.

A small bird still searches for food in such a heavy rain.

It ignores both the danger of being caught by standbys and the possibility of rushing to death.

I don’t get any of this

Maybe, it haves old parents or small babies who can’t earnprotect their life, just the same asves, similar to the concerns of all of us?

A car is drivens slowly, coming closer to the bird closer and closer, and finally drives over the bird.

This car didn’t stop at all, it keepspt moving forward without any feeling, because the driver doesidn’t know what had happened.

The rain becomes heavier, having no signalreason to stop.

Heavy rain drops faster and faster.

The word "drop" here is usually reserved for the raindrops themselves, not the rain as a whole.

In English, the intensity of rain is usually expressed in terms of weight, not in speed. To me it sounds a little strange to refer to it as coming down "fast". You could say "The rain grew heavier and heavier."

Once thea raindrop reaches the ground, it spreads out toin several parts, and then drawing ripples on the thin water's thin surface.

I'm not sure which tense you wanted here but judging by the rest of the story, it's present tense so I'm going with that.

I referred to the raindrop using "a" instead of "the" because it doesn't seem like the individual raindrop has special significance to what you are trying to say. All the raindrops do this.

A small bird still searches for food in such a heavy rain.

"A rain" is less common than just "rain." It's not wrong, but it draws more attention to this specific rain (rather than the general phenomenon of rain).

It ignores both the danger of being caught by standbys and the possibility of rushing to its death.

I'm not sure what you meant by "standbys" here. Did you mean "passersby"?

Phrases like "<verb>ing to death" usually mean "doing something so much that it causes you or someone else to die". Examples: choke to death, burn to death. It can also be used figuratively, such as "You are boring me to death."

A more common phrase when movement is involved is "rushing to _your_ death." It deemphasizes _how_ you will die, but communicates that you are taking steps to make it more likely to happen.

Maybe it haves old parents or small babies who can’t earn their lifefend for themselves, just the same as us?

A car is drivens slowly, coming to the bird closer and closer to the bird, and finally drives over the bird.

In situations similar to this (car accidents or vehicular manslaughter) usually it is more common to say that "someone drove a car" or "a car drove" into something, instead of saying "the car was driven" into something.

Also, unrelated to the correctness of the sentence, I find it a little hard to believe a bird would just sit there and let a car drive over it slowly.

This car didn’oesn't stop at all, i. It keeps moving forward without any feeling, because the driver doesn’t know what hadis happeneding.

Some alternatives to "without any feeling", that are a little more natural sounding:

- "without mercy"
- "blindly"

This is kind of getting into creative writing advice though so don't worry too much about it.

The rain becomes heavier, havingwith no signal tos of stopping.

Heavy Rain


Heavy rain drop faster and faster.


Heavy rain drops faster and faster.

The word "drop" here is usually reserved for the raindrops themselves, not the rain as a whole. In English, the intensity of rain is usually expressed in terms of weight, not in speed. To me it sounds a little strange to refer to it as coming down "fast". You could say "The rain grew heavier and heavier."

Heavy rain drops faster and faster.

Once the raindrop reach the ground, it spread out to several parts, and then draw ripples on the thin water surface.


Once thea raindrop reaches the ground, it spreads out toin several parts, and then drawing ripples on the thin water's thin surface.

I'm not sure which tense you wanted here but judging by the rest of the story, it's present tense so I'm going with that. I referred to the raindrop using "a" instead of "the" because it doesn't seem like the individual raindrop has special significance to what you are trying to say. All the raindrops do this.

Once the raindrop reaches the ground, it spreads out to several parts, and then draws ripples on the thin water surface.

A small bird still search for food in such a heavy rain.


A small bird still searches for food in such a heavy rain.

"A rain" is less common than just "rain." It's not wrong, but it draws more attention to this specific rain (rather than the general phenomenon of rain).

A small bird still searches for food in such a heavy rain.

It ignores both the danger of being caught by standbys and the possibility of rushing to death.


It ignores both the danger of being caught by standbys and the possibility of rushing to its death.

I'm not sure what you meant by "standbys" here. Did you mean "passersby"? Phrases like "<verb>ing to death" usually mean "doing something so much that it causes you or someone else to die". Examples: choke to death, burn to death. It can also be used figuratively, such as "You are boring me to death." A more common phrase when movement is involved is "rushing to _your_ death." It deemphasizes _how_ you will die, but communicates that you are taking steps to make it more likely to happen.

It ignores both the danger of being caught by standbys and the possibility of rushing to death.

I don’t get any of this

Maybe it have old parents or small babies who can’t earn their life, just the same as us?


Maybe it haves old parents or small babies who can’t earn their lifefend for themselves, just the same as us?

Maybe, it haves old parents or small babies who can’t earnprotect their life, just the same asves, similar to the concerns of all of us?

A car is driven slowly, coming to the bird closer and closer, and finally drive over the bird.


A car is drivens slowly, coming to the bird closer and closer to the bird, and finally drives over the bird.

In situations similar to this (car accidents or vehicular manslaughter) usually it is more common to say that "someone drove a car" or "a car drove" into something, instead of saying "the car was driven" into something. Also, unrelated to the correctness of the sentence, I find it a little hard to believe a bird would just sit there and let a car drive over it slowly.

A car is drivens slowly, coming closer to the bird closer and closer, and finally drives over the bird.

This car didn’t stop at all, it keeps moving forward without any feeling, because the driver doesn’t know what had happened.


This car didn’oesn't stop at all, i. It keeps moving forward without any feeling, because the driver doesn’t know what hadis happeneding.

Some alternatives to "without any feeling", that are a little more natural sounding: - "without mercy" - "blindly" This is kind of getting into creative writing advice though so don't worry too much about it.

This car didn’t stop at all, it keepspt moving forward without any feeling, because the driver doesidn’t know what had happened.

The rain becomes heavier, having no signal to stop.


The rain becomes heavier, havingwith no signal tos of stopping.

The rain becomes heavier, having no signalreason to stop.

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