In my opinion, the real luxury inof adulthood is a long vacations. In my opinion, the real luxury of adulthood is long vacations.

Usually "in" would be about a more specific topic (or it is physically in something). Of is a much more broad term. Unless you were specifying a certain time frame of adult hood (your 20s for example), it wouldn't really be used like this. E.g. The real luxy in your twenties is....

But when we start to work, most of us cannot even take a whole week's leave in our 9-5 job. But when we start to work, most of us cannot even take a whole week's leave in our 9-5 job.

You could also say "once we start working".

But when we start to working a 9-5, most of us cannodon't even take aour whole week's of leave in our 9-5 job. But when we start working a 9-5, most of us don't even take our whole week of leave.

Week's sounds a little too informal for this. We wouldn't add the subject of the sentence to the end of the sentence like this. Usually start with the general or important conepts at the begining of the sentence. Also the subject definetely wouldn't go into the clause (or condition) of the sentence like this.

In Taiwan, employees have 7 days a year of paid leave a year inwhen it's their first year at a company. In Taiwan, employees have 7 days a year of paid leave when it's their first year at a company.

For those with more than ten10 years of service, one additional day is granted for each year, up to a maximum of thirty30 days. For those with more than 10 years of service, one additional day is granted for each year, up to a maximum of 30 days.

In your last sentence you say "7 days" rather than "seven days" - it's good to be consist with your numbering. You could also say ". This is capped at 30 days."

For those with more than ten years of service, onean additional day is granted for each year, up to a maximum of thirty days. For those with more than ten years of service, an additional day is granted for each year, up to a maximum of thirty days.

an or a can signify one of something. It sounds more fluid.

However, when you change jobs, everythingit resets to zero. However, when you change jobs, it resets to zero.

Everything is usually used for when you have more than one of something (in the sense that theyre separate entities or objects). Id still consider this as one entitiy, even though you have multiple days.

A Long Vacation A Long Vacation

"Long Vacations" also makes sense.

I read a news report that said compared to Japan and Korea, we have far fewerless paid leaves. I read a news report that said compared to Japan and Korea, we have far less paid leave.

or "far fewer days of paid leave."

I read a news report that said "compared to Japan and Korea, weTaiwan haves far fewer paid days of leaves". I read a news report that said "compared to Japan and Korea, Taiwan has far fewer paid days of leave".

When you use the words "that said" you can usually use quotations. It's like repeating what someone said if you dont know how to use them salready.

I read a news report that said, compared to Japan and Korea, we have far fewer paid leaves. I read a news report that said, compared to Japan and Korea, we have far fewer paid leaves.

I think your sentence could be fine the way it is, but it depends on what you mean by “fewer paid leaves.” Do you mean that people in Taiwan go on leave less often? In this case, your sentence is fine as-is. On the other hand, do you mean that the time period for which they are on leave is shorter? In this case, I think it would be better to say “we have much less paid leave.”

We all have moments when we want to take a long trip or just rest for a period of timetake a break from work, but reality does not allow us to do thatis. We all have moments when we want to take a long trip or just take a break from work, but reality does not allow us to do this.

This just sound better. This is close, that is far. You have just talked about it so its probably "this". Usually this is used when something is currently being talked about or has just happened. It is also used when something is right infront of you.

If companies could offer longer paid leave for employees, it might prevent them from burning out and creatinge better work-life balance. If companies could offer longer paid leave for employees, it might prevent them from burning out and create better work-life balance.

If companies could offered longer paid leave for employees, it might prevent them from burning out and creatinge a better work-life balance. If companies offered longer paid leave, it might prevent them from burning out and create a better work-life balance.

If and could both express the conditional of a statement, therefore only one is needed.