yesterday
The Story of Alex
I'd like to introduce you to a fascinating man whose name is Alex.
He is a professional rock climber.
This outdoor activity is known as "Free Solo".
It is one of the most dangerous sports.
If you fall, there is no rope, no one to catch you, and no second chance.
Alex does not look like a superhero or a movie star.
He is a quiet man with big, dark brown eyes.
He is lean but very strong with large hands that act like tools.
He was born in 1985 and started climbing when he was five years old.
Climbing runs in his blood.
He went to a top university called Berkeley, but he was not happy there.
He wanted to study rocks instead of books. He felt trapped in the classroom.
So, when he was 19, he left school.
Why does he climb without a rope?
He says that free soloing makes him feel alive.
When he is on the wall, he must focus.
The noise of the world stops. The world becomes simple.
But to be perfect, he must control one thing: fear.
Fear is always there, even for Alex -- he is not a robot.
Once, he was climbing in Africa and found himself on a cliff face without a rope.
The rock was crumbling. He was very scared.
He was trapped on a difficult rock for one hour.
His heart was beating fast, but he did not panic.
He practiced his breathing until the fear went away.
He moved past the dangerous part and escaped from death.
Eventually, he controlled the fear.
Alex's muscles are as strong as steel, but what's even more impressive is his fearless will.
这个男人的名叫艾力克斯。
他是一名职业攀岩冒险者。
这项户外活动被称为“徒手攀岩”
这是体育运动最危险的事。
如果你掉下去，沒有绳子。
如果你跌下去，沒人能接住你，也沒第二次机会去做这件事。
艾力克斯看起来不像超级英雄，也不像电影明星。
他是个安静的人，拥有一双大而深棕色的眼睛。
他瘦削却非常强壮，双手粗大，就像工具一样灵活。
他出生于1985年，五岁开始攀岩。
攀岩早已融入他的血液。
他曾就读伯克利的顶尖大学，但并不满意那里。
他想学习岩石而非书本，觉得被束缚在教室里。
於是，19岁时，他离开了学校。
为什么他不用绳索攀岩呢？
他说，自由攀岩让他感到活着。
当他站在岩壁上时，必须全神贯注。
世界的声音就此停止，世界变得简单了。
但要达到完美，他必须掌控一件事：恐惧。
恐惧始终存在，即使对艾力克斯来说也是如此——他并不是机器人。
有一次，他在非洲攀岩时，正站在没有绳索的绝壁之上。
岩石正在崩塌，他非常害怕，被困在一块难以征服的岩石上长达一小时。
心跳加快，但他没有惊慌。
他练习呼吸直到恐惧消失。
他度过了难关，从死神中逃脱。最终，他掌控了恐惧。
艾力克斯的肌肉像钢铁一样，但更令人印象深刻的是他无畏的意志。
Correction Settings
If you fall, there is no rope, no one to catch you, and no second chance. If you fall, there is no rope, no one to catch you, and no second chance.
Good use of the rule of three to make your point
He is lean but very strong, with large hands that act like tools. He is lean but very strong, with large hands that act like tools.
"Act like tools" isn't wrong per se but I wasn't quite sure what you were getting at. Would "With hands that are precison tools" work?
So, when he was 19, he left school.dropped out.
So, when he was 19, he dropped out.
In British English "school" is only up to sixteen. Not sure about American English. If he gave up on his course we would say "dropped out".
His heart was beating fast, but he did not panic. His heart was beating fast, but he did not panic.
More natural to say "didn't".
Feedback
Well done! Only minor points.
One comment: I think you deliberately used short sentences without connectors as a stylistic choice, but it felt unnatural to me to have so many of them. Try to use connectors for the majority of your sentences and then drop into the short statements for dramatic effect.
yesterday
So, when he was 19, he left school.dropped out.
In British English "school" is only up to sixteen. Not sure about American English. If he gave up on his course we would say "dropped out".
Eh, as an American, both are fine. You are right that we say "dropped out" more frequently, though.
I'd like to introduce you to a fascinating man whose name is Alex/man named Alex. I'd like to introduce you to a fascinating man whose name is Alex/man named Alex.
What you wrote is fine while "man named Alex" would be more common.
This outdoor activity is known as "Free Soloing"./His favorite type of rock climbing is known as "Free Soloing". This outdoor activity is known as "Free Soloing"./His favorite type of rock climbing is known as "Free Soloing".
What I wrote makes it clearer that not all rock climbers climb free solo :)
He is a quiet man with big, dark, brown eyes. He is a quiet man with big, dark, brown eyes.
But to be perfect, he must control one thing: fFear.
But to be perfect, he must control one thing: Fear.
Fear is always there, even for Alex -- he is not a robot.
Fear is always there, even for Alex - he is not a robot.
Feedback
Solid!
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The Story of Alex |
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I'd like to introduce you to a fascinating man whose name is Alex. I'd like to introduce you to a fascinating man whose name is Alex/man named Alex. I'd like to introduce you to a fascinating man whose name is Alex/man named Alex. What you wrote is fine while "man named Alex" would be more common. |
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He is a professional rock climber. |
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This outdoor activity is known as "Free Solo". This outdoor activity is known as "Free Soloing"./His favorite type of rock climbing is known as "Free Soloing". This outdoor activity is known as "Free Soloing"./His favorite type of rock climbing is known as "Free Soloing". What I wrote makes it clearer that not all rock climbers climb free solo :) |
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It is one of the most dangerous sports. |
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If you fall, there is no rope, no one to catch you, and no second chance. If you fall, there is no rope, no one to catch you, and no second chance. If you fall, there is no rope, no one to catch you, and no second chance. Good use of the rule of three to make your point |
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Alex does not look like a superhero or a movie star. |
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He is a quiet man with big, dark brown eyes. He is a quiet man with big, dark, brown eyes. He is a quiet man with big, dark, brown eyes. |
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He is lean but very strong with large hands that act like tools. He is lean but very strong, with large hands that act like tools. He is lean but very strong, with large hands that act like tools. "Act like tools" isn't wrong per se but I wasn't quite sure what you were getting at. Would "With hands that are precison tools" work? |
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He was born in 1985 and started climbing when he was five years old. |
|
Climbing runs in his blood. |
|
He went to a top university called Berkeley, but he was not happy there. |
|
He wanted to study rocks instead of books. |
|
He felt trapped in the classroom. |
|
So, when he was 19, he left school.
So, when he was 19, he In British English "school" is only up to sixteen. Not sure about American English. If he gave up on his course we would say "dropped out". |
|
Why does he climb without a rope? |
|
He says that free soloing makes him feel alive. |
|
When he is on the wall, he must focus. |
|
The noise of the world stops. |
|
The world becomes simple. |
|
But to be perfect, he must control one thing: fear.
But to be perfect, he must control one thing: |
|
Fear is always there, even for Alex -- he is not a robot.
Fear is always there, even for Alex - |
|
Once, he was climbing in Africa and found himself on a cliff face without a rope. |
|
The rock was crumbling. |
|
He was very scared. |
|
He was trapped on a difficult rock for one hour. |
|
His heart was beating fast, but he did not panic. His heart was beating fast, but he did not panic. His heart was beating fast, but he did not panic. More natural to say "didn't". |
|
He practiced his breathing until the fear went away. |
|
He moved past the dangerous part and escaped from death. |
|
Eventually, he controlled the fear. |
|
Alex's muscles are as strong as steel, but what's even more impressive is his fearless will. |
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