The peaceful walk changes to a chaostic run, and your animal being starts to scare yourfeel doom -- the disunfortunate creature of your mind dying toat the hand of an evil freeze. The peaceful walk changes to a chaotic run, and your animal being starts to feel doom -- the unfortunate creature of your mind dying at the hand of an evil freeze.

if you are personifying the freeze, then a correction like above would work OK

But the change touchdoes not only touch you, the dark oil also begins to howled the oceans sounds. In the neverlasting night, you starts to seeings a oceans waves with little crushed stars, and you don't bielieve inthe picture in your eyes.Body stops as frezzing water,the look Your body freezes like ice, the view stopped at one perspective. But the change does not only touch you, the dark oil also begins to howl the oceans sounds. In the everlasting night, you start to see ocean waves with little crushed stars, and you don't believe the picture in your eyes. Your body freezes like ice, the view stopped at one perspective.

"everlasting" or "neverending" or "eternal" are all synonyms Because there are a couple things here that I did not quite understand the meaning of, one suggestion would be to write shorter, simpler sentences before adding more details in the final version. This may help you and us recognize what areas of sentence construction can be improved.

Finally you find something in the dark, congradelitulations. Finally you find something in the dark, congratulations.

Waves of cCrushed sStars Waves of Crushed Stars

Titles are usually written in title case, which has special capitalization rules.

Feeling every your inhale and exhale, seeing dark around you and wonder why do you need to remembering whether you forgot something? Feeling every your inhale and exhale, seeing dark around you and wondering whether you forgot something?

I am not sure I understand your intention with this sentence, but if the idea is that a person is feeling like they cannot remember something that they want to remember, then "forgot" is likely a more natural choice of verb

aAnd who's have a this voice?se voice is this? And whose voice is this?

TWas it the abyss that talked to you, or someone who has been in your past? Was it the abyss that talked to you, or someone who has been in your past?

the original version was a fragment

So, do you have past? Then, why are you here? So, do you have past? Then, why are you here?

Your body is starting to really freezing,e and goosebumps raun through your body, burning your skin. Your body is starting to really freeze and goosebumps run through your body, burning your skin.

verb tense agreement

Heated in your toes, you're still walking through the black oil. Heat in your toes, you're still walking through the black oil.

if the toes have a warm sensation, then "heat in your toes" is how we might want to say this