May 28, 2023
FCE Exam - Writing Essay - Teenagers leaving school early
Essay statement: Teenagers are dropping out of school to find a job. How can we help them to continue their education?
Write about:
- family problems -
- financial difficulties -
- ______ (your own idea)
My essay:
Education is crucial in our society and current young generations are the most well prepared of history. However, a recent trend has been detected regarding a large amount of teenagers leaving early the school, even in most advanced and wealthy countries.
In this report this new trend is going to be described, searching for its causes and suggesting solutions.
A first reason for this problem can be found in internal family problems. Disfuntional families, with parents dealing with alcohol or drugs dependence, are not the best environment for a kid for growing up. Due to that, when the boy or girl reach legal age for working, they decide to escape and live on their owns means.
The second reason for dropping out the school early, is finantial difficulties. It is said that about 2/3 of families suffering constant money issues have their childs entering the laboral world five years before wealthier families.
This dramatic situation has to be tackled both the authorities and whole society in general, because in the long term, it will lead to social desequialities and, in the end, to a worst world.
One first initiative to deal with this should be early detection at schools, before the situation becomes unsolvable. And secondly, helping families both psicologically and finantially when necessary.
Write about:
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- family problems -
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- financial difficulties -
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- ______ (your own idea)
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My essay:
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Education is crucial in our society and the current young generations are the most well prepared of(generations) in history.
However, a recent trend has been detected regarding a large amount of teenagers leaving early the school early, even in the most advanced and wealthy countries.
In this report this new trend is going to be describeThis essay will describe this new trend, searching for its causes, and suggesting solutions.
Reports and essays are different things. Since you described this as essay earlier, I changed "report" to "essay"
Also it sounds better if you stick to using either active or passive voice in a sentence instead of switching from passive voice to active midway.
AThe first reason for this problem can be found in internal family problems/conflicts/issues.
Diysfunctional families, with parents dealing with alcohol or drugs dependencey, are not the best environment for a kid for growing up / for a kid to grow up in.
Due to that, when thea boy or (a) girl reaches the legal age for working, they decide to escape and live on their owns means.
Changed "the boy or girl" to "a boy or girl" to make it more general since I don't think you're talking about a specific kid
The second reason for dropping out theof school early, is the finantcial difficulties.
It is said that about 2/3 of families suffering constant money issues have their childsren entering the laboralworking world five years before wealthier families.
This dramatic situation has to be tackled by both the authorities and by the whole society in general, because in the long term, it will lead to social desinequialities and, in the end, to a worste world.
And secondly, helping families both psicychologically and finantcially when necessary.
FCE Exam - Writing Essay - Teenagers leaving school early
Essay statement: Teenagers are dropping out of school to find a job.
How can we help them to continue their education?
Write about:
¶
- family problems -
¶
- financial difficulties -
¶
- ______ (your own idea)
¶¶
¶
My essay:
¶
Education is crucial in our society and the current young generations are is the most well prepared ofin history.
However, a recent trend has been detected regarding a large amountnumber of teenagers leaving early the school, early even in the most advanced and wealthy countrsocieties.
"amount" I would say is more uncountable. "societies" would be used in a situation like this.
In this report this new trend is going to be described, searching for its causes and suggesting solutionsits causes investigated and some solutions suggested.
passive voice all the way through
AThe first reason for this problem can be found in internal family problemissues.
specfic reason so "the". "issues" uses different word so a bit of variety
Diysfunctional families, with parents dealing with alcohol or drugs dependencey, are not the best environment for a kid forto growing up in.
Due to that, when the boy or girl reaches the legal age for working, they decide to escape and live on their owns means.
3rd person singular of "to reach"
The second reason for dropping out theof school early, is finantcial difficulties.
It is said that about 2/3two third of families suffering constant money issues have their childsren entering the laboral world market five years beforeearlier than wealthier families.
Use words for figures in report. Plural of child is "children". I've left it as "labor" ie American English spelling.
This dramatic situation has to be tackled by both the authorities and whole society in generalas a whole, because in the long term, it will lead to social desinequialities and, in the end, to a worste world.
"by" introduces who is tackling the problem. Opposite of "equalities" is "inequalities". English is not very consistent with these kind of prefixes. "worse" comparative rather than "worst" which is superlative.
OnThe first initiative to deal with this should be early detection at schools, before the situation becomes unsolvable.
AndThe secondly, helping families both psicychologically and finantcially when necessary.
Feedback
Good work keep it up.
May 28, 2023
Excelent revision. Thank you so much!
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FCE Exam - Writing Essay - Teenagers leaving school early This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Essay statement: Teenagers are dropping out of school to find a job. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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How can we help them to continue their education? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Write about: - family problems - - financial difficulties - - ______ (your own idea) My essay: Education is crucial in our society and current young generations are the most well prepared of history. Write about: Write about: |
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However, a recent trend has been detected regarding a large amount of teenagers leaving early the school, even in most advanced and wealthy countries. However, a recent trend has been detected regarding a large "amount" I would say is more uncountable. "societies" would be used in a situation like this. However, a recent trend has been detected regarding a large amount of teenagers leaving |
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In this report this new trend is going to be described, searching for its causes and suggesting solutions. In this report this new trend is going to be described, passive voice all the way through
Reports and essays are different things. Since you described this as essay earlier, I changed "report" to "essay" Also it sounds better if you stick to using either active or passive voice in a sentence instead of switching from passive voice to active midway. |
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A first reason for this problem can be found in internal family problems.
specfic reason so "the". "issues" uses different word so a bit of variety
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Disfuntional families, with parents dealing with alcohol or drugs dependence, are not the best environment for a kid for growing up. D D |
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Due to that, when the boy or girl reach legal age for working, they decide to escape and live on their owns means. Due to that, when the boy or girl reaches the legal age for working, they decide to escape and live on their own 3rd person singular of "to reach" Due to that, when Changed "the boy or girl" to "a boy or girl" to make it more general since I don't think you're talking about a specific kid |
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The second reason for dropping out the school early, is finantial difficulties. The second reason for dropping out The second reason for dropping out |
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It is said that about 2/3 of families suffering constant money issues have their childs entering the laboral world five years before wealthier families. It is said that about Use words for figures in report. Plural of child is "children". I've left it as "labor" ie American English spelling. It is said that about 2/3 of families suffering constant money issues have their child |
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This dramatic situation has to be tackled both the authorities and whole society in general, because in the long term, it will lead to social desequialities and, in the end, to a worst world. This dramatic situation has to be tackled by both the authorities and "by" introduces who is tackling the problem. Opposite of "equalities" is "inequalities". English is not very consistent with these kind of prefixes. "worse" comparative rather than "worst" which is superlative. This dramatic situation has to be tackled by both the authorities and by the whole society |
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One first initiative to deal with this should be early detection at schools, before the situation becomes unsolvable.
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And secondly, helping families both psicologically and finantially when necessary.
And secondly, helping families both ps |
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