Jack's avatar
Jack

Sept. 23, 2020

0
farewell

The same face, the same person, lying quietly in front of us, but the only difference is that he didn't speak, and didn't breathe anymore. The world is a stage, the same land, the same sky, and the same air, but the difference is the different people on the stage at different times. Everybody will appear on the stage and definitely they will also step off the stage, and they will never come back again. What's life? I really don't know! Being alive, let's always be happy because we don't know which day we will go with the wind. Old classmate, Rest In Peace.

Corrections

fFarewell

The same face, the same person, lying quietly in front of us, but the only difference is that he didoesn't speak, and didn't nor breathe anymore.

The world is a stage, the same land, the same sky, and the same air, but the difference is that there are different people on the stage at different times.

Everybody will appear on the stage and they will definitely they will also step off the stage, and they will never come back again.

I really don't know!

You can also say ," I don't really know!".

Being alive, let's always be happy because we don't know which day we will go with the wind.

Feedback

Great Job!

Jack's avatar
Jack

Sept. 23, 2020

0

Thank you for your helping. Could you please tell me why it is “be” instead “being"? Thank you so much!

fThe Farewell

You should place an article in front of farewell, otherwise, it sounds like you are saying farewell to someone. Another option is to change the title to A Farewell to my Old Classmate.

The same face, the same person, lying quietly in front of us, but the only difference is that he didoesn't speak, and didoesn't breathe anymore.

The world is a stage, with the same land, the same sky, and the same air, but the difference is the differenat people appear on theis stage at different times.

Everybody wiWe will all appear on theis stage and definitely they will also step off the stage, and they willand never come back again.

Based on your first sentence, I'm keeping the story in the same tense (ie: you used "us", so you should not switch over to "they"). Also, what you wrote was technically correct, but sounded heavy. A good rule of thumb when writing, according to Hemingway, is that one should never use a word that serves no purpose.

What' is life?

I would not use a contraction when you are posing a serious question in your story. You want to emphasize that you are about to explain it to the readers.

I really don't know!

Being alive, let'sWhen we are alive, we should always be happy because we don't know which dayen we will go with the wind.

The way you wrote this sentence, "being alive" is a dangling participle. What about being alive? you did not finish your thought before you started a different idea of being happy.

Old classmate, Rmay you rest Iin Ppeace.

Feedback

Your writing reminds me Shakespeare's quote, "a poor player that struts and frets our hour upon the stage and then is heard no more". Very sad story, and very well written.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Sept. 24, 2020

0

Thank you for your correction and the explanation, I appreciate it.

The same face, the same person, lying quietly in front of us, but the only difference is that he didoesn't speak, and didn't or breathe anymore.

The world is a stage,: the same land, the same sky, and the same air, but the difference is that there are different people on the stage at different times.

Everybody will appear on the stage and definitely they will also step off the stage, and they will never come back again.

What' is life?

Sounds more natural without the contraction.

I really don't know!

BeingSince we are alive now, let's alwaystry to be happy, because we don't know which day we willen our time will come to go with the wind.

I just tried to make it sound more natural.

OldFormer classmate, Rest In Peace.

Feedback

Good writing, very evocative!

Jack's avatar
Jack

Sept. 23, 2020

0

谢谢你的更改与注释,谢谢!

farewell


fThe Farewell

You should place an article in front of farewell, otherwise, it sounds like you are saying farewell to someone. Another option is to change the title to A Farewell to my Old Classmate.

fFarewell

The same face, the same person, lying quietly in front of us, but the only difference is that he didn't speak, and didn't breathe anymore.


The same face, the same person, lying quietly in front of us, but the only difference is that he didoesn't speak, and didn't or breathe anymore.

The same face, the same person, lying quietly in front of us, but the only difference is that he didoesn't speak, and didoesn't breathe anymore.

The same face, the same person, lying quietly in front of us, but the only difference is that he didoesn't speak, and didn't nor breathe anymore.

The world is a stage, the same land, the same sky, and the same air, but the difference is the different people on the stage at different times.


The world is a stage,: the same land, the same sky, and the same air, but the difference is that there are different people on the stage at different times.

The world is a stage, with the same land, the same sky, and the same air, but the difference is the differenat people appear on theis stage at different times.

The world is a stage, the same land, the same sky, and the same air, but the difference is that there are different people on the stage at different times.

Everybody will appear on the stage and definitely they will also step off the stage, and they will never come back again.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Everybody wiWe will all appear on theis stage and definitely they will also step off the stage, and they willand never come back again.

Based on your first sentence, I'm keeping the story in the same tense (ie: you used "us", so you should not switch over to "they"). Also, what you wrote was technically correct, but sounded heavy. A good rule of thumb when writing, according to Hemingway, is that one should never use a word that serves no purpose.

Everybody will appear on the stage and they will definitely they will also step off the stage, and they will never come back again.

What's life?


What' is life?

Sounds more natural without the contraction.

What' is life?

I would not use a contraction when you are posing a serious question in your story. You want to emphasize that you are about to explain it to the readers.

I really don't know!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I really don't know!

You can also say ," I don't really know!".

Being alive, let's always be happy because we don't know which day we will go with the wind.


BeingSince we are alive now, let's alwaystry to be happy, because we don't know which day we willen our time will come to go with the wind.

I just tried to make it sound more natural.

Being alive, let'sWhen we are alive, we should always be happy because we don't know which dayen we will go with the wind.

The way you wrote this sentence, "being alive" is a dangling participle. What about being alive? you did not finish your thought before you started a different idea of being happy.

Being alive, let's always be happy because we don't know which day we will go with the wind.

Old classmate, Rest In Peace.


OldFormer classmate, Rest In Peace.

Old classmate, Rmay you rest Iin Ppeace.

You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.

Go Premium