July 2, 2021
There's a guy who always wishes for something. One day he was told from one mysterious woman that if he sprinkle the salts to the magpie's tale then he could really get what he wishes. So he went to the forest to find a magpie. When he found the macpie and try to sprinkle the salts but he couldn't because the macpie kept moving. She, the macpie, actually could speak and she talked to the guy if he wanted to sprinkle the salts he had to get her a pocket knife.
how could he get the pocket knife?
He picked blueberries buckets and buckets. He sold them. He earned enough money to buy a pocket knife. He brought it to the macpie. But she didn't accept it because it didn't have a gold handle. She then told him she wanted a sled at this time.
how could he get the sled?
He carved some toys for children, wooden spoons, cutting boards using his pocket knife and sold all of them at the market. Then he bought a sleek sled and brought it to the magpie. She didn't get it again. She said it shoud've made of silver and gold. She was actually an enchanted princess. She told him to get a carriage and horses. LIke this way She had him to get more big and expensive ones to her. Then he finall get a castle and large amount of golds. Finally She determined him to sprinkle the salts to her tail. But he couldn't think about anything he didn't have. the magpie flew awaym ,back into the forest to wait another man who was always wishing.
fairy tale summary
TOnce there' was a guyman who always wishesd for somethings.
1. In a fairy tale it is almost always past tense used - this story is not happening right now.
2. Overly casual start "There's a guy" is something you'd say to point out a man at a bus stop.
3. "Something" is a specific item, while the general plural noun "things" is a broad category.
One day he was told from oneby a mysterious woman that if he sprinkle thed salts to on the magpie's taile then he cwould really get what he wishesd for.
1. "salts" = chemical compounds that include a large number of substances; salt = table salt.
2. Tale = story; Tail = end part of an animal.
So he went to the forest to find a magpie.
When he found the macgpie and tryhe tried to sprinkle the salts on it, but he couldn't because the macgpie kept moving.
careful with tense alignment.
She, tThe macgpie, actually could speak and she talked to the guyold the man that if he wanted to sprinkle the salts on her, he had to getbring her a pocket knife.
"talk" and "tell" are two different verbs. Here she is being directive so she is directing/telling him to do something, not talking to him in a conversation.
how could he get thefind a pocket knife?
As written it sounds as if there is one, singular knife he needs to obtain - when in fact it is a general request for one kind of thing. Use the indefinite article (a) not the definite article (the).
He picked blueberries buckets and buckets. of blueberries.
He sold them.
He earned enough money to buy a pocket knife.
He brought it to the macgpie.
But she didn't accept it because it didn't have a gold handle.
She then told him she wanted a sled at this time.
"at this time" = now
"this time" - one of a sequential serie4s of events
how could he get thea sled?
Use the indefinite article (a) not the definite article (the).
He carved some toys for children, wooden spoons, and cutting boards using his pocket knife and sold all of them at the market.
Then he bought a sleek sled and brought it to the magpie.
She didn't get it againAgain she wasn't happy with it.
I have no idea what your original sentence means.
She said it shoud'veld have been made of silver and gold.
She was actually an enchanted princess.
She told him to get a carriage and horses.
LIke this way She haShe asked him to get morea bigger and more expensive ones to for her.
I am not sure what your original sentence means.
Then he finall gety obtained a castle and a large amount of golds.
Gold is a singular not countable noun meaning money.
Finally Sshe dletermined him to sprinkle the salts tosalt on her tail.
But now he couldn't think aboutof anything he didn't already have.
tThe magpie flew awaym , back into the forest to wait for another man who was always wishing.
Feedback
A good start. careful with tense alignments.
fairy tale summary
There' was a guy who always wishesd for something.
One day he was told from oneby a mysterious woman that if he sprinkle thed salts ton the magpie's taile then he could really get what he wishes.
So he went to the forest to find a magpie.
When he found the macgpie and tryied to sprinkle the salts but, he couldn't because the macgpie kept moving.
She, the macgpie, could actually could speak and she talked toold the guy that if he wanted to sprinkle the salts, he had to get her a pocket knife.
He picked blueberries buckets and bucketsdecided to pick buckets of blueberries and then sell them.
I have merged the next sentence with this one for achieving a better flow.
He sold them.
He earned enough money to buy a pocket knife.
He brought it to the macgpie.
But she didn't accept it because it didn't have a gold handle.
She then told him that she wanted a sled at this time.
how could he get the sled?
He carved some toys for children, wooden spoons, cutting boards using his pocket knife and sold all of them at the market.
Then he bought a sleek sled and brought it to the magpie.
She didn't get it againOnce again, she didn't accept his offer.
She said it should've been made of silver and gold.
She was actually an enchanted princess.
She told him to get a carriage and horses.
LIke this way She had him to get more big andShe convinced him to get bigger and more expensive ones tofor her.
Then he finally geot a castle and large amounts of golds.
Finally She determined him to sprinkle the salts toNow she accepted to get salts sprinkled on her tail by him.
I replaced "finally" with "now" because you had already used "finally" in the previous sentence.
But he couldn't think aboutof anything he didn't have.
tThe magpie flew awaym , back into the forest to wait for another man who washad been always wishing.
She didn't get it again.
I have no idea what your original sentence means. |
fairy tale summary This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
There's a guy who always wishes for something. There
1. In a fairy tale it is almost always past tense used - this story is not happening right now. 2. Overly casual start "There's a guy" is something you'd say to point out a man at a bus stop. 3. "Something" is a specific item, while the general plural noun "things" is a broad category. |
One day he was told from one mysterious woman that if he sprinkle the salts to the magpie's tale then he could really get what he wishes. One day he was told One day he was told 1. "salts" = chemical compounds that include a large number of substances; salt = table salt. 2. Tale = story; Tail = end part of an animal. |
So he went to the forest to find a magpie. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
When he found the macpie and try to sprinkle the salts but he couldn't because the macpie kept moving. When he found the ma careful with tense alignment. When he found the ma |
She, the macpie, actually could speak and she talked to the guy if he wanted to sprinkle the salts he had to get her a pocket knife. She, the ma
"talk" and "tell" are two different verbs. Here she is being directive so she is directing/telling him to do something, not talking to him in a conversation. |
how could he get the pocket knife? how could he As written it sounds as if there is one, singular knife he needs to obtain - when in fact it is a general request for one kind of thing. Use the indefinite article (a) not the definite article (the). |
He picked blueberries buckets and buckets. He I have merged the next sentence with this one for achieving a better flow. He picked |
He sold them. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
He earned enough money to buy a pocket knife. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
He brought it to the macpie. He brought it to the ma He brought it to the ma |
But she didn't accept it because it didn't have a gold handle. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
She then told him she wanted a sled at this time. She then told him that she wanted a sled She then told him she wanted a sled "at this time" = now "this time" - one of a sequential serie4s of events |
how could he get the sled? This sentence has been marked as perfect! how could he get Use the indefinite article (a) not the definite article (the). |
He carved some toys for children, wooden spoons, cutting boards using his pocket knife and sold all of them at the market. This sentence has been marked as perfect! He carved some toys for children, wooden spoons |
Then he bought a sleek sled and brought it to the magpie. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
She said it shoud've made of silver and gold. She said it should've been made of silver and gold. She said it shou |
She was actually an enchanted princess. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
She told him to get a carriage and horses. This sentence has been marked as perfect! This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
LIke this way She had him to get more big and expensive ones to her.
I am not sure what your original sentence means. |
Then he finall get a castle and large amount of golds. Then he finally g Then he finall Gold is a singular not countable noun meaning money. |
Finally She determined him to sprinkle the salts to her tail.
I replaced "finally" with "now" because you had already used "finally" in the previous sentence. Finally |
But he couldn't think about anything he didn't have. But he couldn't think But now he couldn't think |
the magpie flew awaym ,back into the forest to wait another man who was always wishing.
|
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