June 6, 2022
Book - A Shot in the Dark - 81
Summary no. 81
As far as Mrs Groynes was aware, everything was proceeding to plan. At the Hippodrome, phrenologist “Professor Mesmer”, whose real name was Bobby Melma, read Inspector Steine’s mind in front of an enthusiastic audience. Of course Bobby didn’t fail to flatter the man with lots of nice remarks. Bobby then went on to hypnotise, or so the audience believed, constable Twitten. That way, when later Twitten brought himself to reveal the real identity of Mrs Groynes—a ruthless head of a criminal organisation—no one took him seriously, putting his outrageous and wild accusations down to the hypnosis. Towards the end of Bobby’s performance, Joanna Carver and Penny Cavendish unexpectedly jumped up on stage. Joanna threatened Bobby with a gun. She resented him because, though unwittingly, he had helped the police pin her down to a series of burglaries. Bobby attempted to snatch the gun from her hand. A struggle followed and the gun went off by accident, shooting Bobby.
Correction Settings
As far as Mrs Groynes was aware, everything was proceeding according to plan. As far as Mrs Groynes was aware, everything was proceeding according to plan.
You need the word "according" in order to indicate the relationship between "proceeding" and "plan"
Bobby then went on to hypnotise constable Twitten, or so the audience believed, constable Twitten.
Bobby then went on to hypnotise constable Twitten, or so the audience believed.
In this instance, the clause "or so the audience believed" goes after the main clause, not in the middle
That way, when later Twitten later brought himself to reveal the real identity of Mrs Groynes—a ruthless head of a criminal organisation—no one took him seriously, puttascribing his outrageous and wild accusations down to the hypnosis.
That way, when Twitten later brought himself to reveal the real identity of Mrs Groynes—a ruthless head of a criminal organisation—no one took him seriously, ascribing his outrageous and wild accusations down to the hypnosis.
later comes before the word "brought". "ascribing" works better than putting.
She resented him because, thoughalbeit unwittingly, he had helped the police pin her down to a series of burglaries.
She resented him because, albeit unwittingly, he had helped the police pin her down to a series of burglaries.
"though" works here, but "albeit" makes it a bit smoother.
Feedback
You will benefit from learning more about English syntax, specifically about placement of adverbs and subordinate clauses.
June 7, 2022
Thank you
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Book - A Shot in the Dark - 81 |
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Summary no. |
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81 |
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As far as Mrs Groynes was aware, everything was proceeding to plan. As far as Mrs Groynes was aware, everything was proceeding according to plan. As far as Mrs Groynes was aware, everything was proceeding according to plan. You need the word "according" in order to indicate the relationship between "proceeding" and "plan" |
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At the Hippodrome, phrenologist “Professor Mesmer”, whose real name was Bobby Melma, read Inspector Steine’s mind in front of an enthusiastic audience. |
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Of course Bobby didn’t fail to flatter the man with lots of nice remarks. |
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Bobby then went on to hypnotise, or so the audience believed, constable Twitten.
Bobby then went on to hypnotise constable Twitten, or so the audience believed In this instance, the clause "or so the audience believed" goes after the main clause, not in the middle |
|
That way, when later Twitten brought himself to reveal the real identity of Mrs Groynes—a ruthless head of a criminal organisation—no one took him seriously, putting his outrageous and wild accusations down to the hypnosis.
That way, when later comes before the word "brought". "ascribing" works better than putting. |
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Towards the end of Bobby’s performance, Joanna Carver and Penny Cavendish unexpectedly jumped up on stage. |
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Joanna threatened Bobby with a gun. |
|
She resented him because, though unwittingly, he had helped the police pin her down to a series of burglaries.
She resented him because, "though" works here, but "albeit" makes it a bit smoother. |
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Bobby attempted to snatch the gun from her hand. |
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A struggle followed and the gun went off by accident, shooting Bobby. |
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