Jan. 21, 2021
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Money plays a vital role in society as a means of making all sorts of transactions and knowing its value is critically important to people. Specifically, young people learning about financial management enables them to grow not only as financially independent individuals but also plan for a better future. Although some people think allowing children to know about money makes them materialistic, to me this is an amazing approach that benefits children in the future. I believe that children will understand the value of credit and use it wisely for their educational purposes at a later age, and financial planning helps children to know the significance of savings for emergency needs.
First of all, children cultivating a habit of controlling their own money gives them an opportunity to make their own budget and allocating funds based on their priorities. This means if children can maintain their money at a young age they will know where the money has to be spent or not. For example, when I was in high school, I remember that my mother gave me an allowance of $40 monthly for my spending. This includes stationary, project materials, or outside dining. If I spend the money on trivial things like movies or buying a CD, then I have to wait till month end to meet my other necessities. This habit really helped me, when I was in college because of spending money with a limited amount of cash I adjusted myself and only bought the most important things. As a result of this behavior, I could meet my expenses in the college with a clear allocation of funds to various purposes. Because of my financial understanding at a young age, I was able to plan my budget and develop as a financially independent person.
Second of all, children learning about money matters at a young age not only makes them financially independent but also helps them to save money for future needs. In particular, we are uncertain about the emergency needs so if children how to save money thereafter they can use the funds during an unexpected crisis. For example, my brother used to squander money and have had none nested eggs for meeting his needs. Recently, he met with an accident and ended up in the hospital bed looking for some help. At that time, I supported him because of my savings, which I kept back when I was working. Had I not learned financial matters at an earlier age, I would not have money to support my brother. Therefore, learning about cash flow helps people to save some money to meet emergency needs.
In essence, I completely agree that to become responsible citizens, children must learn to maintain their own money at a young age because it helps them to plan their budget and save money for meeting unexpected emergencies.
I am wondering about sentence structures and please let me know whether I am answering the prompt or deviating? Please correct my essay and suggest changes. This is an essay for TOEFL writing practice so your feedback enables me to improve my writing skills.
Essay for evaluation
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Money plays a vital role in society as a means of making all sorts of transactions and knowing its value is critically important to people.
Specifically, young people learning about financial management enables themare able to grow not only as financially independent individuals but can also plan for a better future.
Wrong tense when using "enable". The phrase "not only" must be followed with a similar phrasing as the beginning. "Not only can he cook but he can also clean".
Although some people think allowing children to know about money makes them materialistic, to me this is an amazing approach that benefits children in the future.
I believe that children will understand the value of credit and use it wisely for their educational purposes at a later age, and financial planning helps children to know the significance of savings for emergency needs.
First of all, children cultivating a habit of controlling their own money gives them anwill have opportunityies to make their own budgets and allocatinge funds based on their priorities.
This means that if children can maintainnage their money at a young age they will know where the money has to be spent or notdistributed.
A more suitable word.
For example, when I was in high school, I remember that my mother gave me an allowance of $40 monthly for myto spending.
This includesd for stationary, project materials, or outside diningeating out.
"outside dining" doesn't sound right.
If I spend the money on trivial things like movies or buying a CDs, then I'd have to wait untill month end to meetin order to purchase my other necessities.
A tense issue again.
This habit really helped me, when I was in college because of spending money with a limited amount of cash Ihaving a limited amount of money to spend forced me to adjusted myself and only bought the most important thing spending habits and focus on buying only the most essential items.
As a result of this behavior, I couldI was able to meet my expenses in the college with a clear allocation of funds to various purposesand how to distribute them.
Because of my financial understanding at a young age, I was able to plan my budget and develop as a financially independent person.
Second of all, when children learning about money matters at a young age it not only makes them financially independent but also helps them to save money for future needs.
I see you are trying a certain sentence structure but it is leading you to use the wrong tense.
In particular, we are uncertain about the emergency needs so if children how to save money thereafter they can use the funds during ancannot predict when we will need money for emergency needs so this habit can help children prepare for unexpected crisies.
For example, my brother used to squander money and have had none nested eggs for meeting his needs.
Recently, he met with an accident and ended up ion thea hospital bed looking for some help.
At that time, I was able to supported him because of my savings, which I kept back when I was working.
This phrasing helps you to better convey your point.
Had I not learned about financial matters at an earlier age, I would not have had money to support my brother.
Therefore, learning about cash flowmoney matters helps people to save some money to meet their emergency needs.
In essence, I completely agree that to become responsible citizens, children must learn to maintainnage their own money at a young age because it helps them to plan their budgets and save money for meeting unexpected emergencies.
Feedback
Well written. I agree with you. Some issues with the writing but you have an excellent level of English. Good luck on the exams!
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Essay for evaluation This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. |
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Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Money plays a vital role in society as a means of making all sorts of transactions and knowing its value is critically important to people. Money plays a vital role in society as a means of making all sorts of transactions and knowing its value is critically important |
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Specifically, young people learning about financial management enables them to grow not only as financially independent individuals but also plan for a better future. Specifically Wrong tense when using "enable". The phrase "not only" must be followed with a similar phrasing as the beginning. "Not only can he cook but he can also clean". |
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Although some people think allowing children to know about money makes them materialistic, to me this is an amazing approach that benefits children in the future. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
I believe that children will understand the value of credit and use it wisely for their educational purposes at a later age, and financial planning helps children to know the significance of savings for emergency needs. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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First of all, children cultivating a habit of controlling their own money gives them an opportunity to make their own budget and allocating funds based on their priorities. First of all, children cultivating a habit of controlling their own money |
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This means if children can maintain their money at a young age they will know where the money has to be spent or not. This means that if children can ma A more suitable word. |
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For example, when I was in high school, I remember that my mother gave me an allowance of $40 monthly for my spending. For example, when I was in high school, I remember that my mother gave me an allowance of $40 monthly |
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This includes stationary, project materials, or outside dining. This include "outside dining" doesn't sound right. |
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If I spend the money on trivial things like movies or buying a CD, then I have to wait till month end to meet my other necessities. If I spend the money on trivial things like movies or A tense issue again. |
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This habit really helped me, when I was in college because of spending money with a limited amount of cash I adjusted myself and only bought the most important things. This habit really helped me |
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As a result of this behavior, I could meet my expenses in the college with a clear allocation of funds to various purposes. As a result |
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Because of my financial understanding at a young age, I was able to plan my budget and develop as a financially independent person. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Second of all, children learning about money matters at a young age not only makes them financially independent but also helps them to save money for future needs. Second of all, when children learn I see you are trying a certain sentence structure but it is leading you to use the wrong tense. |
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In particular, we are uncertain about the emergency needs so if children how to save money thereafter they can use the funds during an unexpected crisis. In particular, we |
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For example, my brother used to squander money and have had none nested eggs for meeting his needs. For example, my brother used to squander money and |
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Recently, he met with an accident and ended up in the hospital bed looking for some help. Recently, he met with an accident and ended up |
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At that time, I supported him because of my savings, which I kept back when I was working. At that time, I was able to support This phrasing helps you to better convey your point. |
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Had I not learned financial matters at an earlier age, I would not have money to support my brother. Had I not learned about financial matters at an earlier age, I would not have had money to support my brother. |
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Therefore, learning about cash flow helps people to save some money to meet emergency needs. Therefore, learning about |
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In essence, I completely agree that to become responsible citizens, children must learn to maintain their own money at a young age because it helps them to plan their budget and save money for meeting unexpected emergencies. In essence, I completely agree that to become responsible citizens, children must learn to ma |
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