homini's avatar
homini

Jan. 25, 2022

1
eleventh journal

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning. A bunch of symptoms I went through, such as a slight fiver, nausea, cravings, stomachache, etc, which are actual all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect it. I already tried several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave me nothing but disappointment. I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result today!!
I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubby came home from work, lying by saying that my period had just begun. And when he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the self in the bathroom so that he could see it while washing his hands. Because I was recording him, with suspicious looking he was washing the hands and then, ta-da-! he found it. He seemed to be so much more excited than I expected that I was touched. It was successful. I hope my second baby and I both will always be in a perfect condition.

Corrections

eEleventh jJournal

Title -> capitalization

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.

AI went through a bunch of symptoms I went through, such as a slight fiever, nausea, cravings, stomachache, etc, which are actually all the symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, alwayswhich made me expect it.

I already tried several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave me nothing but disappointment.

I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result today!!

I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubby came home from work, lying by saying that my period had just begun.

And when he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the self in the bathroom so that he could see it while washing his hands.

Because I was recording him, he was washing his hands with a suspicious looking he was washing the hands on his face, and then, ta-da-!

Word/clause order

he found it.

He seemed to be so much more excited than I expected that I was touched.

It was successful.

I hope my second baby and I both willwill both always be in a perfect condition.

Word order

Feedback

Congratulations!

homini's avatar
homini

Feb. 9, 2022

1

thank you so much :D

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.

A bunch of symptoms I went throughMy symptoms, such as a slight fiver, nausea, cravings, stomach ache, etc., which are actualare all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect i. As a result, I expected the result.

I already triedtried using several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave me nothing but disappointment.

I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result today!!

I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubby came home from work, lying and lied by saying that my period had just begun.

And wWhen he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the self in the bathroom shelf so that he could see it while washing his hands.

BHe looked suspicious because I was recording him, with suspicious lookinghile he was washing the hands and then, ta-da-!

hHe found it.

He seemed to be so much more excited than I expected that. I was touched.

I hope my second baby and I both will always be in a perfect conditionhealthy and safe.

In a perfect condition - replace with something more specific, for example, healthy, safe, together

Feedback

Great job, and congratulations!

homini's avatar
homini

Feb. 9, 2022

1

thank you so much :) the comment was so helpful

eEleventh journal

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.

A bunch of symptoms I went throughhad, such as a slight fiver, nausea, cravings, stomachache, etc, which aere actually all symptoms one canould possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect it.

I had already tried several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave me nothing but disappointment.

I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result today!!

I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubby came home from work, lyingand lied by saying that my period had just begun.

And when he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the self in the bathroom so that he could see it while washing his hands.

Because I was recording him, withhe looked suspicious lookingwhen he was washing the hands and then, ta-da-!

he found it.

He seemed to be so much more excited than I expected that I was touched.

It was successful.

I hope my second baby and I both will always be in a perfect conditionwill both be healthy and safe.

Feedback

Congratulations!

homini's avatar
homini

Feb. 9, 2022

1

Thank you so much for your time :D

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.

A bunch of symptoms I went through, such as afelt, were slight fiever, nausea, cravings, stomach ache, etc, which are actually all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, alway gets, this made me expect it.

I alrehady tried several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave mecame with nothing but disappointment.

I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result today!!

I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubbyhe came back home from work, lyingand i lied by saying that my period had just begun.

And when he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the shelf in the bathroom so that he could see it while washingen he went to wash his hands.

Because I was recording him, with suspicious lookinghile he was washing thehis hands , he was suspicious, and then, ta-da-!

He seemed to be so much more excited than I had expected that. Seeing this, I was touched.

I hope that my second baby and I both, will alwaysboth be in a perfect condition.

homini's avatar
homini

Feb. 9, 2022

1

thank you so much :)

eEleventh jJournal

I've got received a positive pregnancy test result this morning.

AI had a bunch of symptoms I went through, such as, including a slight fiever, nausea, increased appetite, stomach ache, etc, which are actual all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect and so on, which meant that I anticipated the result a little bit.

Your original sentence makes sense the way it was written, I have just rephrased it a bit to make it clearer and a bit less repetitive

I had already triedaken several pregnancy tests for days, but everyach result gavebrought me nothing but disappointment.

I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result I wanted today!!

And when he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the shelf in the bathroom so that he could see it while washing his hands.

Because I was recording him, whe looked at me a bith suspicious lookingly as he was washing the hands, and then, ta-da-!

hHe foundsaw it.

He seemed to be so much more excited than I expected that, and I was touched. by his reaction.

It was successful.

I think it would be better to say (instead of "it") what exactly was successful here, as it's not too clear whether you mean the test, or the surprise for your husband.

I hope that my second baby and I both will always bewill be born healthy and in a perfect condition.

It's more typical to say "healthy" for a new born baby.

Feedback

Congratulations!! That's very exciting news and I hope that the pregnancy and birth all goes well.

homini's avatar
homini

Feb. 9, 2022

1

thank you for your sincere comment and reply :D

eleventh journal


eEleventh jJournal

eEleventh journal

eEleventh jJournal

Title -> capitalization

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.


I've got received a positive pregnancy test result this morning.

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.

I've got a positive pregnancy test this morning.

A bunch of symptoms I went through, such as a slight fiver, nausea, increased appetite, stomachache, etc, which are actual all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect it.


AI had a bunch of symptoms I went through, such as, including a slight fiever, nausea, increased appetite, stomach ache, etc, which are actual all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect and so on, which meant that I anticipated the result a little bit.

Your original sentence makes sense the way it was written, I have just rephrased it a bit to make it clearer and a bit less repetitive

I already tried several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave me nothing but disappointment.


I had already triedaken several pregnancy tests for days, but everyach result gavebrought me nothing but disappointment.

I alrehady tried several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave mecame with nothing but disappointment.

I had already tried several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave me nothing but disappointment.

I already triedtried using several pregnancy tests for days, but every result gave me nothing but disappointment.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result today!!


I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result I wanted today!!

I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result today!!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I almost gave up, but finally, I've got the result today!!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubby came home from work, lying by saying that my period had just begun.


I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubbyhe came back home from work, lyingand i lied by saying that my period had just begun.

I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubby came home from work, lyingand lied by saying that my period had just begun.

I wanted to surprise my hubby, so I waited until my hubby came home from work, lying and lied by saying that my period had just begun.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

And when he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the self in the bathroom so that he could see it while washing his hands.


And when he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the shelf in the bathroom so that he could see it while washing his hands.

And when he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the shelf in the bathroom so that he could see it while washingen he went to wash his hands.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

And wWhen he came, I put the positive pregnancy test kit on the self in the bathroom shelf so that he could see it while washing his hands.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Because I was recording him, with suspicious looking he was washing the hands and then, ta-da-!


Because I was recording him, whe looked at me a bith suspicious lookingly as he was washing the hands, and then, ta-da-!

Because I was recording him, with suspicious lookinghile he was washing thehis hands , he was suspicious, and then, ta-da-!

Because I was recording him, withhe looked suspicious lookingwhen he was washing the hands and then, ta-da-!

BHe looked suspicious because I was recording him, with suspicious lookinghile he was washing the hands and then, ta-da-!

Because I was recording him, he was washing his hands with a suspicious looking he was washing the hands on his face, and then, ta-da-!

Word/clause order

he found it.


hHe foundsaw it.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

hHe found it.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

He seemed to be so much more excited than I expected that I was touched.


He seemed to be so much more excited than I expected that, and I was touched. by his reaction.

He seemed to be so much more excited than I had expected that. Seeing this, I was touched.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

He seemed to be so much more excited than I expected that. I was touched.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

It was successful.


It was successful.

I think it would be better to say (instead of "it") what exactly was successful here, as it's not too clear whether you mean the test, or the surprise for your husband.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

I hope my second baby and I both will always be in a perfect condition.


I hope that my second baby and I both will always bewill be born healthy and in a perfect condition.

It's more typical to say "healthy" for a new born baby.

I hope that my second baby and I both, will alwaysboth be in a perfect condition.

I hope my second baby and I both will always be in a perfect conditionwill both be healthy and safe.

I hope my second baby and I both will always be in a perfect conditionhealthy and safe.

In a perfect condition - replace with something more specific, for example, healthy, safe, together

I hope my second baby and I both willwill both always be in a perfect condition.

Word order

A bunch of symptoms I went through, such as a slight fiver, nausea, cravings, stomachache, etc, which are actual all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect it.


A bunch of symptoms I went through, such as afelt, were slight fiever, nausea, cravings, stomach ache, etc, which are actually all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, alway gets, this made me expect it.

A bunch of symptoms I went throughhad, such as a slight fiver, nausea, cravings, stomachache, etc, which aere actually all symptoms one canould possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect it.

A bunch of symptoms I went throughMy symptoms, such as a slight fiver, nausea, cravings, stomach ache, etc., which are actualare all symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, always made me expect i. As a result, I expected the result.

AI went through a bunch of symptoms I went through, such as a slight fiever, nausea, cravings, stomachache, etc, which are actually all the symptoms one can possibly have as a pregnant woman, alwayswhich made me expect it.

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