In the last 20 years, there have been significant developments in the field of information technology, for example, the world wide web andor communication by email. In the last 20 years, there have been significant developments in the field of information technology, for example, the world wide web or communication by email.

I changed 'and' to 'or' here to further imply there are more reasons! But 'and' can also be used - there is no large difference in this case.

In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology, f. For example, the world wide web and communication by email. In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology. For example, the world wide web and communication by email.

In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology, for exampleincluding the world wide web and communication by email. In the last 20 years there have been significant developments in the field of information technology, including the world wide web and communication by email.

You would typically use “For example” as the start of a new sentence.

However, these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future. However, these developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future.

However, tThese developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future. These developments in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future.

The word “however” is typically used to rebut the previous sentence. In this context you are adding to the thought, not rebutting it.

In the last two decades, there has been remarkable growth in the information technology district It gives us such as. This growth has provided us with advancement in communication advancement, mobile phones, the internet, ect, althoughand more. In the last two decades, there has been remarkable growth in the information technology district. This growth has provided us with advancement in communication, mobile phones, the internet, and more.

This sentence and the next sentence have the same meaning as the first two sentences - I recommend cutting 2 out or putting a new/different meaning into them. Using etc can make it sound like you copied off a list.

In the last two decades, there has been remarkable growth in the information technology district . It gives us things such as communication advancement, mobile phone, internet, etct, although. In the last two decades, there has been remarkable growth in the information technology district. It gives us things such as communication advancement, mobile phone, internet, etc.

In the last two decades, there has been remarkable growth in the information technology district It gives usfield, such as communication advancement, mobile phone, internet, etct, although. In the last two decades, there has been remarkable growth in the information technology field, such as communication advancement, mobile phone, internet, etc.

The word “district” is typically used to refer to a formal administrative district. I changed it to field, which is better for describing a profession. When you use the abbreviation of etcetera (etc.) you typically end the sentence.

In the last two decades, there has been remarkable growth in the information technology district . It gives usequips us with better technology, such as communication advancement, mobile phone, internet, etct, although. In the last two decades, there has been remarkable growth in the information technology district. It equips us with better technology, such as communication advancement, mobile phone, internet, etc.

MHowever, many people believe that, this development in the IT sector could bmay have more harmful effects than advantageous ones in upcoming years. However, many people believe that this development in the IT sector may have more harmful effects than advantageous ones in upcoming years.

Same comment as above - this sentence and the one above repeat your very first two sentences! Instead, you could give more reasons as to why some people think the growth of IT may be bad in the future.

MAlthough many people believe that, this development in the IT sector could bhave more harmful effects than advantageous in upcoming years. Although many people believe that, this development in the IT sector could have more harmful effects than advantageous in upcoming years.

Many people believe that, this development in the IT sector could be more harmful effects than advantageous in upcoming years. Many people believe this development could be more harmful in upcoming years.

You already referred to the IT field previously, so you don’t need to repeat it again in this sentence. It is obvious at this point. Likewise, if you say something is “more harmful,” it is obvious that it is not advantageous, so that obvious point doesn’t need to be stated and can look redundant.

Many people believe that, this development in the IT sector cwould bedo more harmful effects than advantageous in than good in the upcoming years. Many people believe that this development in the IT sector would do more harm than good in the upcoming years.

I quarrel with this to a large extent for somea variety of reasons. I quarrel with this to a large extent for a variety of reasons.

Using 'some' makes your stance sound not as confident - instead use 'many', 'several', 'a variety of' to make your writing more confident

I quarrel with this to a large extent for somea few reasons. I quarrel with this to a large extent for a few reasons.

I quarrel with this to a large extent for somemostly disagree for the following reasons. I mostly disagree for the following reasons.

The word “quarrel” is rather aggressive. Your sentence is grammatically correct, but in an essay, unless you intentionally want to appear quarrelsome, you may just want to say that you “disagree”

I quarrel with this to a large extent for some reasonTo a large extent, I disagree with this. To a large extent, I disagree with this.

My essay is argued further with the explanationThe following explanations present my stance. The following explanations present my stance.

I feel that you could remove this sentence or explicitly state the thesis - it sounds a little random. The sentence I put above is one way you could rephrase it to help your essay flow smoother.

My essay is argued further with the explanation.

The previous sentence as I rewrote it makes this sentence redundant.

My essay is argued further with the explanation.

Unnecessary

For the first reason, irstly, Information Technology can change the global business market. Firstly, Information Technology can change the global business market.

If you use IT sometimes and Information Technology other times - try to use one consistently! I would recommend, after you introduced 'Information Technology', just using 'IT' after that.

For the first reason, Information Technology can change the global business market. Information Technology can change the global business market.

You don’t have to explicitly state that your first point is first. This is obvious to the reader.

For the first reasonirstly, Information Technology can change the global business market. Firstly, Information Technology can change the global business market.

Most of the trade shawill be conduct automated and conducted without human intervention. Most trade will be automated and conducted without human intervention.

Most of the trade shall be conducttrade is automated and conducted without human intervention. Most trade is automated and conducted without human intervention.

Just a restructure to make your point clearer

Most of the trade shallwould be conducted automatedically and without any human intervention or errors. Most trade would be conducted automatically and without any human intervention or errors.

iIn addition, in the manufacturing part would brocess will become more efficient and increase the high quality of goods. In addition, the manufacturing process will become more efficient and increase the quality of goods.

iIn addition, in the manufacturing part would be efficient and increase the high quality of goods. In addition, the manufacturing part would be efficient and increase the high quality of goods.

iIn addition, in the manufacturing part would be efficient and increase the high quality of goods. In addition, manufacturing would be efficient and increase the quality of goods.

in addition, iFocusing on the manufacturing part, it would be more efficient and increase the high quality of goodsthe quality of goods would increase significantly. Focusing on the manufacturing part, it would be more efficient and the quality of goods would increase significantly.

To add to thisFor example, some cars would becan already drive driverless automatically with the assistance of artificial intelligence. For example, some cars can already drive driverless with the assistance of artificial intelligence.

To add to this, some cars would be drive driverless automatically with the assistance of artificial intelligence. To add to this, some cars would drive driverless automatically with the assistance of artificial intelligence.

To add to this, some cars would be drive driverlessrless, being operated automatically with assistance of artificial intelligence. To add to this, some cars would be driverless, being operated automatically with assistance of artificial intelligence.

To add to thisFurthermore, some cars would be drive driverless automatically driven with the assistance of artificial intelligence. Furthermore, some cars would be automatically driven with the assistance of artificial intelligence.

Secondly, the businesses can improve file management, large data storage, couland hosting __. Secondly, businesses can improve file management, data storage, and hosting __.

I don't know a lot about IT, but it might help to tell us what is being hosted

Secondly, the business canBusinesses could also improve file management, large data storage, and clould hosting. Businesses could also improve file management, large data storage and cloud hosting.

Secondly, the businesses can use such techinology to improve file management, largeoveruse of data storage, and could hosting. Secondly, businesses can use such techinology to improve file management, overuse of data storage and could hosting.

Moreover, there shall advanced in communication network in futurs will improve as IT growths,; the speed and frequency of the internet wouldill be higher than before. Moreover, communication networks will improve as IT growths; the speed and frequency of the internet will be higher than before.

Moreover, there shall be advancedments in communication networks in the future as IT growths, ts. The speed and frequency of the internet would be higher than before. Moreover, there shall be advancements in communication networks in the future as IT grows. The speed and frequency of the internet would be higher than before.

Moreover, there shallwill be advancedments in communication networks in the future as IT growths, the speed and frequency of the internet would be higer than beforimproves over time. Moreover, there will be advancements in communication networks in the future as the speed and frequency of the internet improves over time.

Just a re-write to sound better. Also, “shall” is a bit of an antiquated term and can be replaced with “will.” Not incorrect, but “will” sounds more modern, and if your topic is IT, I’m assuming you want to sound modern.

Moreover, there shall advanced in communication network in future as IT growths, the speed and frequency of internet would be higer than beforeIn the future there would be many advancements in the communication network as IT further growths. The Internet would be improved by having a faster frquency and speed. In the future there would be many advancements in the communication network as IT further growths. The Internet would be improved by having a faster frquency and speed.

"Internet" must be a capital "I"

However, I would not skip the few risk of ITthe main argument against the growth of IT is as follows. However, the main argument against the growth of IT is as follows.

There are a lot of different ways to phrase this ex) However, I believe it's important to address the risks of IT...

However, I would not skip the few risks of IT. However, I would not skip the few risks of IT.

However, I would not skipoverlook the few risks of IT technology. However, I would not overlook the few risks of technology.

Overlook sounds more professional than “skip.” Using “skip” is not incorrect, but just sounds less professional. I also replaced IT with technology in this sentence to break the repetition of using IT over and over. Just flows better.

However, I would not skip the few risk of ITAlike all things, IT also has it's problems. Alike all things, IT also has it's problems.

The foremost reasone is cybersickness. The foremost reason is cybersickness.

TheFirst and foremost one is cybersickness. First and foremost is cybersickness.

I dont know what "cybersickness" is, unless you mean sick of the Internet?

PCybersickness describes people who are hooked on the internet, will tend toto the point they give up their routine activities. Cybersickness describes people who are hooked on the internet, to the point they give up their routine activities.

People who are hooked on the internet, will tend to give up their routine activities. People who are hooked on the internet will tend to give up their routine activities.

People, who get hooked on the internet, will oftend to give up their routine activities. People, who get hooked on the internet, will often give up their routine activities.

“hook” is a verb. In this sentence you are trying for the adjective “hooked.” Some other sentence reconstruction to make it flow better.

People who hook on iare addicted to the Internet, will tend to give up their daily routine activities. People who are addicted to the Internet, tend to give up their daily routine activities.

BesideFurther, personal information can be attacked on social media. Further, personal information can be attacked on social media.

Besides, personal information can be attacked on social media. Besides, personal information can be attacked on social media.

words like "shared" or "found" make more sense than "attacked", but "attacked could also be used

BesideAdditionally, personal information can be attacked on social media. Additionally, personal information can be attacked on social media.

Besides is not incorrect (except the s that should be at the end) but additionally sounds better.

BesideTo add on, personal information can be attacked on social mediaused to attack someone on social media, as it is so easily accessible. To add on, personal information can be used to attack someone on social media, as it is so easily accessible.

TheAn account could be hacked by any hacker and they demand moneyld at ransom. An account could be hacked by any hacker and held at ransom.

Hackers can take over an account and demand money from the owner. -> this is another way you could phrase this. The main reason I changed 'demand money' to 'held at ransom' is because your original sentence is about the hacker's actions to an account. To use 'demand money' its more clear to explain the third party who the hacker's are demanding money from.

The account could be hacked by any hacker, and they could demand money. The account could be hacked by any hacker, and they could demand money.

The account could be hackcompromised by any hackers and theya ransom demand moneyed. The account could be compromised by hackers and a ransom demanded.

Compromised just sounds more professional. Hacked would not be incorrect, but using “hacked” and “hackers” in the same sentence, while not incorrect, sounds incorrect. Also, demanding money illegally is a “ransom” and is just a more powerful term than just saying “money.”

The account could be hacked by anyand the hacker mand they demand a large some of money. The account could be hacked and the hacker may demand a large some of money.

In conclusion, although in the development in IT has some drawbacks, but iI believe that its growth wouldill be definitely beneficial for thuman life advancement andof human life and that information technology shall towill enable us in the most unimaginable ways in the approaching years. In conclusion, although the development in IT has some drawbacks, I believe that its growth will be definitely beneficial for the advancement of human life and that information technology will enable us in the most unimaginable ways in the approaching years.

The reason I removed 'but' is because you already have 'although' doing the same job in the sentence. I also recommend splitting the sentence at 'advancement of human life. Information technology will enable us...' This helps as the sentence will not sound too long and makes your second sentence more powerful.

In conclusion, although in the development in IT has some drawbacks, but iI believe that its growth would be definitely be beneficial for human life advancement, and that information technology shall to enable us in the most unimaginable ways in the approaching years. In conclusion, although the development in IT has some drawbacks, I believe that its growth would definitely be beneficial for human life advancement, and that information technology shall enable us in the most unimaginable ways in the approaching years.

In conclusion, although in the development in IT has someof technology has drawbacks, but i believe that it growth would be definitely beneficial for human life advancement and information technology shalit is beneficial for human development and has the potential to enable us in the most unimaginable ways in the approaching yearserve humanity in unimaginable ways. In conclusion, although the development of technology has drawbacks, it is beneficial for human development and has the potential to serve humanity in unimaginable ways.

Deleted the repetitive use of IT and technology. Also made some changes to sound better.

In conclusion, aAlthough in the development inof IT has some drawbacks, but iI still believe that its growth would be definitely beneficial for the human lifrace and the advancement andof information technology shall towill enable us into create the most unimaginable waywonderful things in the approaching years. Although the development of IT has some drawbacks, I still believe that its growth would be beneficial for the human race and the advancement of information technology will enable us to create the most wonderful things in the approaching years.

Don't say "unimaginable" because it usually is used in a negative way. For example, torture is unimaginable torture/cruelty.